Thursday, January 03, 2008

Getting Pretty Tired of Doing This: 2007 KAR-Style -- Part 5

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

AUGUST

8/1 -- Completely oblivious to the fact that a major international news story would break a mere 15 miles from him, Foot bitches about elevator etiquette.

In a dramatic impersonation of LearnedFoot's knee, the I-35W bridge collapses.

8/2 -- Presumably all earning their masters degrees in structural engineering overnight, a phalanx of partisan pantloads - most of whom have never taken a physics course in their lives - rule out design flaws, laten structural or material defects, excessive weight and heat, gravity, improvident DFL appropriations and the GOP governor's 2007 transportation bill veto as the cause of the collapse. Just kidding - they didn't rule out the veto.

The Silver Lining: noted pantload NonMonkey pens a column so rancid, it forces Ryan Rhodes to quit assblogging for a minute and join Foot and the Head to engage in the internet's first ever MultiFisking.

8/3 thru 8/9 -- More bridge-related bullshit.

8/10 -- Foot celebrates the one-year anniversary of the term "ThunderJournal" by creating a special quiz, blowing out knee.

8/13 -- KARnies go on strike, leading to massive loss of production, Emily Dickinson poems.

8/15 -- Foot busts the union and ends the strike. Yeah, the Starland Vocal Band was involved.

8/16 thru 8/22 -- More bridge bullshit, interspersed with relentless MilF hype and Dementee saying "fuck you" a lot. Ah, the new normal.

8/23 -- The hallowed pitcher comes home when Bill carries his partner Foot, Foot's blown out knee, and Foot's rancid golf game to MilF victory. Liveblog. Wrapup.

8/28 -- KAR's crack Forensic Fashion Faux Pas Team catches King Banaiaiaiaiaiaiaian wearing socks with sandals. King protests that he needs to wear the socks because of his bunions. If only there were a style of footwear that would be appropriate to wear with socks...

8/29 -- The Larry Craig Bathroom Stall Incident causes Foot to probe into the mechanics of anonymous gay bathroom sex. Concludes that, while it may include "blowing," knees probably aren't involved.

8/31 -- After exhaustive analysis of IPs, domains, proxies and local bloggers, pantload discovers new conservative blog about to be launched - one that had been discussed openly elsewhere for at least a month.

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