Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Van Halen Threatens to Tear MOB Apart -or- How to Successfully Participate in a Poll

So the guy with the French-sounding blog disapproves of the inclusion of "Running with the Devil" in the poll:

Then I noticed the poll includes Runnin' With the Devil by Van Halen, and Schools Out by Alice Cooper.First, Van Halen is not a metal band. It is a hard rock band. Hence, Runnin' With the Devil cannot be a metal song.

...says the guy who goes by the handle "Teaparty". With this nugget of pure logic-imbued argument released into the atmosphere, he goes on to note that his hole isn't deep enough yet:

Second, Alice Cooper sucks. Period.

And that's why to this day every single student in grades 6 through 12 sings Napalm Death when the final bell of the school year rings.





Oh wait. The hole's still not deep enough:

Thus two spots, which could have been used for deserving choices like The Zoo by the Scorpions-


'Scuse me while I whip this out:

I like to think that KAR's readership is among the more intelligent ones out there on the internet. That is why it pains me so to have to do this:


1) Read the question. This is a very important step, in that it might affect your answer.

2) Read the answer choices.

3) Choose the answer that best comports with your personal opinion.

4) If an answer choice does not comport with your personal opinion, do not choose it.

EXAMPLE: Fredo is participating in a poll relating to the best heavy metal
song ever. Fredo does not think that Van Halen is a heavy metal
band. Therefore, when Fredo is confronted with the opportunity to
vote for a Van Halen song, he declines to choose it, and scans the list
for a more metal band, like the Scorpions.)

5) If no answer choice comes close to your personal view, decline to participate in the poll and shut yer hole.

EXAMPLE: Fredo finds that no Scorpions song was included in the
poll. He looks for other acceptable candidates like Poison's "Talk Dirty to
Me" or Warrant's "Cherry Pie." Disappointed that those songs were also not
offered as choices, Fredo closes his browser, and sulks to an old Glass
Tiger CD.

Please bookmark these directions for future polls.

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