Friday, February 01, 2008

The Parade of Horribles Has Run Out of Floats

The rhetoric surrounding in the issue of anthropogenic global warming cooling climate change (what's the #$%$#&!ing weather like today?), can best be described as "stupid". And I use that word in its worst, most demeaning and -if it's at all possible - most scatalogical sense.

For we are often told that "The Science" tells us that increased carbon gasses emiting from the engines of civilization leads to increased temperatures around the globe. That part takes the hysterics about 5 seconds, so they can spend the rest of their time trying to scare gullibles with outrageous claims of the coming Scorched Earth Apocolypse (Hey - that'd make a good metal band name too!), to "prove" their point. I'm sure you've heard them: Florida under water, we won't be able to grow anything anywhere, famine, pestilence, plague, mass sterility, no ice caps, a reversion to a nomadic lifestyle, mass starvation, an end to internet porn, feral cats roaming Wall Street, cannibalism, the desalinization of the seas, milions of tons of dead tuna washing up on our shores because of the desalinized seas, the Cubs winning a World Series, excessive flatulance and pooping from an all-sand diet, the Earth crashing into the sun, David Strom actually losing weight, the Holy Ascention of George Soros, cancer, war, Chinese hegemony, Canadian hegemony, drowning polar bears, beached whales, the evaporation of potable water (except for in the newly-desalinized seas), dehydration, scurvy, rickets, shingles, carpal tunnel syndrome and finally, mercifully, death.

AND WE ONLY HAVE 10 YEARS TO AVOID IT!!!!!!! OMG!!!! EVERYBODY PANIC (and buy crappy lightbulbs)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have always contended that the direness and frequency of their "warnings" is inversely proportional to the actual threat Global (What's the #$%$#&!ing Weather Like Today?) poses. Happily, today, we discover that there is no such thing as Anthropomorphic Global...Whatever, as the alarmists have finally tapped the well of negative consequences dry:

As Wisconsinites gear up for next season, Wisconsin Environment today highlighted how global warming could affect the future success of the Packers. Specifically, the group pointed to the threat of rising winter temperatures lessening the cold weather that has historically given the Packers an edge over warm weather rivals.

Er, the gametime temperature for the NFC Championship Game (yes, Vikings' fan, there are more games after the Wild Card round. Why do you ask?) in Green Bay this year was 3 degrees.

And the Packers lost.

Don't bother reading the rest. It's just more of the same crap, liberally peppered with super-gay football puns.

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