Tuesday, March 11, 2008

New And Improved Seven Deadly SIns

Closed circuit to Foot and Moonchild: You are put on notice.

Vatican City (AHN) - In an attempt to give moral and ethical behavior more significance to current times, the Vatican has recently announced seven new deadly sins, published in an issue of the L'Osservatore Romano, the Vatican's official newspaper.

The revision of the list comes after 1,500 years, with Vatican officials explaining that the new items address a global "secular" society bent on the concerns in the age of globalization. The sins are said to be an address to the "decreasing sense of sin" in the modern world.

Foot and child recently celebrated a bachelor weekend, thinking, "hey - at least these aren't deadly sins." That would be a FAIL.

Mgr Girotti named the new mortal sins to be

(1)genetic modification; (2) human experimentations, (3) polluting the environment; (4) social injustice; (5) causing poverty; (6) financial gluttony; and (7) taking drugs.

Foot and Moonchild pretty much scored a "full house" on that list. Yikes.

To rescue these sinners from the fiery gates of Hell, I had to get medieval on their heinies and summon Nunzilla.

"Own up to your transgressions, Foot. Repent! Reeeeeeeeeepeeennnnnn... ttt... rree... pp..."



"Shit. Somebody wind me up!"

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