After spending the morning floating in a euphoric state at the prospect of a Stone Temple Pilots reunion, I was violently jerked back to reality by the realization that we have to share the planet with pantloads like this:
Those who say, "If an 18-year old can be sent to war, why can't he have a beer in a bar," have a good point.
However, I think they have the solution backwards. Rather than lower the drinking age, why not raise the minimum age to join the military to 21?
Imagine how much less war there would be.
Just allow that brilliant nerdle of wisdom wash over you. Soak in the utter genius of that statement.
Upon reading that, you all thought the exact same thing I did. Say it along with me:
Why, then, don't "we" raise the enlistment age to 85? We could eliminate war altogether! Our entire armed forces would either be paralyzed by incontinence or broken hips.
On the other hand, the enemy might be confused by the perpetually-blinking left turn signals on all our tanks.
Wow. One rarely finds this level of logical thinking outside your typical Centrisity comment thread.
Oh wait. It gets better:
Of course, our military and political leaders would never let this happen, because it would be too hard to find people to fight the battles of our country's corporate
I - I just can't go on. It'd be like beating up on a toddler.
JEFF NACHBONAR, HUDSON, WIS.
Back to my happy place (not a rickroll):