Friday, May 16, 2008

Perhaps He Should Have Started in the Library

Stop me if you heard this one before: minor local-level celebrity gets caught with child pron; offers alibi that he was just doing "research."

Meet Bernie Ward. The San Fransisco lib talker and closet submissive went online looking for a mistress in pursuit of The Love That Dare Not Speak Out of Turn. When he found one he sent her a graphic picture, the legal term for which is "evidence." After pleading guilty and facing 5 to 20, he offered up this delicious excuse, clothed in several layers of mind-boggling irony:

Through his attorney, Ward says the online chat was 100 percent false, that he was role-playing as part of research for a book about hypocrisy and Republicans.

And I, for one, am filled with heartache that yet another mass slander masquerading as a "book" will never see the inside of a Barnes and Noble discount bin. It would have been great! What better way of "exposing" Republican "hypocrisy" than by being a married (with children) liberal who sends unsolicited child pron to some anonymous and unknown e-sex partner? That's genius right there that is.

The problem with having an overinflated sense of your own intelligence is that it causes you to think that everyone else is stupid. Enjoy the anal prison rape, Bernie. You earned it.

FEELING THE NEED TO PILE ON FURTHER: Since Bernie appears to think that hypocrisy is a terrible sin that is a defining characteristic exclusive to Republicans, and since Bernie is obviously not a Republican, I think it's safe to conclude that Bernie being the non-hypocrite he is, is totally cool with child pron. Therefore he will probably reoffend upon his release from prison, giving the court ample reason to depart upward on his sentence.

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