No bacon news today. Instead, this Fathers' Day weekend, I urge all of you to spend quality time with Dad and share some delicious bacon with him. That's all he really wants.
The bacon, I mean. The time, not so much. You were a constant source of frustration, heartache and worry for him, and frankly, your dad was elated when you finally dragged your dead ass out of his basement. Just leave the f&%$ing bacon on the counter and go, you deadbeat!