Monday, June 09, 2008

The MilF Is Firm

Attention MilFers, PostMilFers, assorted groupies and train wreck gawkers:

We have confirmed the date of the MilF and, remarkably, it is the same date we originally slated the tournament for:


FRIDAY JULY 25, 2008. TEE TIMES START AT NOON


If you're on the mailing list, check your email for important MilFy information. If you're not on the mailing list, what the hell is wrong with you anyway? Contact the Tournament Chair pronto at koolaidreport (at) yahoo (dot) com to get in on the action.


Tournament competitors should be warned that Bill and I had our first team practice 2 weeks ago. Both of us played 13 holes of solid golf followed by 5 holes of profanity-spitting, club-chucking crap. I nearly drove both the 320 yard par 4 5th AND the 310 yard par-4 6th, so while we may be considered vulnerable as defending champions, it's doubtful that anyone will be able to eclipse my manliness this year.

During that round, Bill and I encountered perennial MilF contender Mike Bhonerity in the clubhouse, who was enjoying (his 5th? 6th?) cold, refreshing beer before his mid-afternoon MilF practice round. This should be a wake up call to all you wannabes out there. Some of us take this tournament very seriously. If you want any shot at all, you'll need to be equally dedicated. So get out there and tee it up or hit the range (I'm looking at you Schuta!).

Turning to more serious matters, I have received word that Noted Flagstick Defiler Mark Yost may be unable to play this year. This leaves King Baniaiaiaiai90n without a partner. Despite this unfortunate turn of events, we believe that this presents a unique opportunity. We believe that King's short game combined with Chad the Elder's proficiency with finding the lateral water hazard drop areas would create a "complete package" of a team that could contend for 4th or 5th place in the 2008 tournament. To that end, I have created an online "Draft Chad" petition. Go there and sign it in as disrespectful manner as possible.

Finally, in addition to our existing special awards, we've added a couple of new ones. New special accolades include:

The Mike Bhonerity Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence goes to the golfer with the best individual score (Mike Bhonerity accomplished this feat in the last 2 MilFs).

The Judge Shmales Severed Hamstring Award goes to the individual golfer whose wretched play has the most deleterious effect on his team (Mike Bhonerity's partner accomplished this feat in last year's MilF).

As you can see, you won't want to miss out on any of this year's hot MilF action. Availability is limited, so confirm your slot today!

(Credits: Photoshop by Iron Matron. Inspiration for 'shop here.)

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