Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Run to the MilF

Prior to the Kentucky Derby, "My Old Kentucky Home" is sung. Before any major American sporting event, we sing "The Star Spangled Banner." And before the puck drops in an NHL game between two Canadian teams, we hear the Canadian national anthem "Take Off to the Great White North" (or whatever). It struck me that we have never started a Millard Fillmore Memorial KARNation Open Championship Golf Outing Classic with a proper anthem.

Well, that's about to change. But since the MilF doesn't take place in Kentucky or Canadia (or whatever) those ditties don't really seem relevant. And I believe that kicking off an event colloquially known as "The MilF" with our beloved national anthem would be seen as something less than reverent. So I have taken it upon myself to craft a fitting tribute to the first and greatest ThunderJournal-related golf outing in Minnesota. All MilFers should memorize it and be prepared to sing it prior to the first group's tee time.

Without further ado, I give you:

ALL HAIL THE MILF

(Sung to the tune of Iron Maiden's "Run to the Hills")

Cheesy Midi here.

White men came to Valleywood
To hit golf balls into the woods
They killed the grass, they killed the greens
They had no shots from the weeds

The greens were hard, the greens were slick
On eighteen, Yost raped the stick
Too many strokes, too hot to pee
Oh when will the beer cart come to me?

Banaiain kicking dustclouds and divots up
Clad in his sandals and socks
Hitting approaches nowhere near the holes
Shuta puts another into the rocks
Bogey golf on the front nine; four eights on the back
Still enough to win because we're a bunch of hacks!

All hail the MilF! All hail the MilF guys!
All hail the MilF! All hail the MilF guys!

LearnedFoot is huge off the tee
(Too bad his short game is shit)
Andee takes four swings at the ball
And never once did hit it
Group ahead taking so long, you start to get cold
JUST HIT THE DAMN PUTT - WE'RE ALL GROWING OLD!!!!

All hail the MilF! All hail the MilF guys!
All hail the MilF! All hail the MilF guys!
(repeat 17x)


(Mad MilF props to Chief for the graphic.)

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