Friday, June 20, 2008

SHOCKING KAR VIDEO SCANDAL OMG!!!! WTF!!!! DIAF!!!!!1! UFIA!!11!!!!

Joe Tucci here. I have discovered something disturbing. I take no pleasure in disclosing this, but I feel it is my duty. Nobody should take this as another one of my attempts to wrest control of the fam- er, this ThunderJournal, from Foot. I do this as a good citizen who values Truth and Honesty in the media.

Many of you have seen the new LearnedFoot documentary just released this week entitled 'Moonchild Goes Yard." If not, you can watch it here. Unfortunately, I believe that this video is a fraud. A fake. A fabrication. Consider the following:

1. Three year olds aren't coordinated or strong enough to hit a nerf baseball that far.

2. There are professional baseball players, such as JJ Hardy, who can't even hit a ball out of the infield, yet we are led to believe that this little munchkin can take one deep/

3. The video looks hinky, as though stock footage of Moonchild filmed elsewhere (probably in front of a green screen) and then edited into the final video to make it appear as though he hit that ball. Take a look at the photographic evidence:

Image 1 - here is a screengrab of "Moonchild Goes Yard" in which we see "Moonchild" "swinging the bat just before the moment of contact:




As you can see from my enhancements, the BAT APPEARS NEARLY AS BIG AS MOONCHILD HIMSELF. Not only does a 3-year old supposedly jack one out of the park with his naturally underdeveloped fine motor skills, but we are also to believe that he did so WITH A LARGE, UNWIELDY BAT. It would be like trying to hit a golf ball with a 7-iron that's 6 feet long!

Image 2 - another screengrab taken a half-second prior to Image 1 from the video is even more damning, and I believe it conclusively proves my case:



Look at the pitcher's - Mrs. Foot's (purportedly) - arm, and compare its size to Moonchild's. THE PITCHER'S ARM FROM ELBOW TO FINGERTIP IS EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE AS MOONCHILD'S HEIGHT! Either that's Yao Ming and not Mrs. Foot pitching to Moonchild (which would be a lie in its own right) or this video has been totally DOCTORED!!!

We're through the looking glass here, people.

This is a scandal reminiscent of Mark Kennedy and Fishgate in aught-six.

Why would LearnedFoot fabricate such a video? We don't know, but what is clear is this:

MOONCHILD WAS NOT IN THAT BACK YARD WHEN THIS FOOTAGE WAS RECORDED!

Why is this important? Who knows? But my accusation is intended to insinuate something unseemly about LearnedFoot which may or may not be true.

ARGH! NOT! My accusation is NOT intended to insinuate something unseemly about LearnedFoot. (Damn backspace button is broken). That would be goofy. I am only interested in Truth and Honesty, and honest and open debate and all that other high-falootin' nonsense you always hear. But you already know that, since I wrote that back in the first paragraph.

Unfortunately, I hear that LearnedFoot has fled to a remote location in northern Wisconsin until Thursday, so I cannot confront him with my accusations for his denial. Maybe one of the sudden crop of new forensic video experts that sprung up out of nowhere yesterday can examine the video and verify my claims.


Developing...

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