Monday, August 04, 2008

BREAKING: Protesters Plan to Shut Down RNC With Flurry of Ham-Fisted Metaphors and Nonsensical Ravings!

Came across this this morning, purple monkey dishwasher:

On Labor Day, 2008, as the republican horde descends on St. Paul and their sweating souls push the heat to unbearable levels, the renegade reindeer squadron has announced plans to seed the burning clean-coal clouds (tm) above Sector 5 with cold and fluffy justice. What follows below will be the greatest snowswarm in Midwestern h'story.

Conn, sonar: Crazy Ivan!

Calling all abominable snow-people, snow angels, wolfriders, garden gnomes, errant polar bears, woolly mammoths, seals with clubs, and other snow-identified beings: Your time is now. Join the snowswarm in sector 5! Put the freeze on the republocratic agenda! Defend winter before they take it away forever!

ATTENTION SUMMER LOVERS: a high pressure system building over Titicaca will bring moist, humid air dipshitery to the greater St. Paul area in early September. Doppler indicates towering cumulonimbus of too-clever by halfishness resulting an a thunderstorm of insecure narcissism amongst the well heeled sons and daughters of Moonbatia.

***
RNC Delegates: Foul Weather Warning in Sector 5
A MIDWEST SNOWSWARM IS INEVITABLE
***

The cheese is in the gonkulator. The cheese is in the gonkulator.

The advance of our frolicking swarm will be quick and joyous--lasting only long enough to blockade the convention and return I-94 to the earth as a gentle warning to the ecocidal I-69 profiteers who are plowing over homes, farms, and native habitats in Southern Indiana as we speak.

Freaky deeky Vermonters will come to love the chewy nougaty goodness of the Snickers bar of outrage! 'T'will be the most righteous gas asplosion in all of h'erstory!!!

Twin City drivers should respect the wildlife and expect ice hazards. Not the Postville, Iowa, ethnic-cleansing, union-busting, family-splitting, roundups of immigrant workers into corporate concentration camps-type of ICE. Think black ice on cold asphalt waiting for the next occupation convoy to roll through. That's how we do ice.

Snowswarmers should know that the 12 Inches of Smartitude knows an ICE cube, and that he has witnessed the large number of awesome rootin'-tootin', reprobate-bustin', identity theft ring-breakin', White-Slavery-endin' Instruments of Snowstorm Destruction he has been equipped with by the man!!!

As for the cold and fluffy justice dropping from the sky, we know it may be inconvenient, but the snowswarm guarantees that our snowbanks will not foreclose on your home, rob your family, bankroll nazis, or redline your neighborhood. Bring a sled, hop on, and join the fun.

As for the brown and stinky turds falling from your butt, I have nothing to add after that comma 'cuz I just wanted to make the super-easy poop reference!

NOTE: to those who mean to invade the snow globe and undermine our good work, GET OUT' THE POTLUCK! We will turn back your raids and swarm your hog colonies wherever they spawn, be it South Dakota or Minnesota.

BRETT FAVRE IS SAFE! Repeat: BRETT FAVRE IS SAFE! Also, never take kicks out of potlocks by spoiled vegan rich kids yearning for attention at face value. They suck the monkey sperm.

See you in the snowswarm with A Midwest Cluster and the Bash Back Pink & Blue Bloc in Sector 5.

Red yellow green chartruse mauve blois flavor aid fark2 out.

Signed,
The Abominable Snow-PeopleFrom the Midwest, young and restless.
on the matrix: snowswarm [at] riseup [dat] net
###


Farting in Your General Erection,
LearnedFoot and the New Bahamians Featuring the Analog Kid Horn Section, I-Mizzy and Deathsk├╝ll, Metal up Your Butt.
off da hook: koolaidreport [azzy] yahoo [dizzle] com

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