Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Oh, Why Not?

I suppose I could go after the local DFL patsies and bobos who, as if on cue (*coff*), simultaneously tried to resurrect a dead story. But since they couldn't answer the question "what is the fair rental value of a tiny apartment in which the living room doubles as your landlord's call center?" the first time, I have little hope of these pro hoc amateur real estate appraisers addressing the question now. Especially since they seem to have gotten stupider as evidenced by this accusation:

As for Coleman, the optics of having a big-time GOP insider, in effect, providing [Sen. coleman] roughly a few thousand dollars a month in free cable, electricity, and Internet could prove equally problematic. On a more serious level, a utilities subsidy may present an ethics violation.

Who runs the utilities in DC? The Gambino family?

Too easily dispatched. It's the same smear with a new, weak spitball attached. Yawn.

So, since I haven't fisked anything for sport lately, let's mock this:

What does liberty look and sound like? Does it come in the form of a grass-covered bike or an enormous phallic symbol?

I thought those were symbols of the oppressive patriarchy. Liberalism is so confusing.

Is it a giant puppet polar bear puppet that serves as a reminder to global warming? An 11-person bike made from cannibalized cars? Or since it's State Fair time, maybe it's Dick Cheney's head on a stick? At the Liberty Parade along Nicollet Mall on August 31, liberty can be anything you want it to be.

Or maybe it's the ability to laugh at people making asses of themselves.

Yes. I'm positive that's what "liberty" is.

As tens of thousands of protesters plan for events around the Republican National Convention, a nonpartisan group is organizing the art and music parade and festival that asks you to bring "your freak to the streets" and celebrate democracy and civil engagement on the eve of the RNC. Applications for the Liberty Parade have been extended till August 23, which still gives you plenty of time to muster up some liberty-and-justice-for-all inspiration for a parade float, art project or costume.

CLOSED CIRCUIT TO IRON MATRON: Start sewing together those Dirty Mushroom costumes.

A part of The UnConvention, which includes art-inspired and thought-provoking

I call bullshit!

events throughout the Twin Cities during the RNC, the organizers of the Liberty Parade shelled out $11,000 to get a permit for the parade (which begins at 1:00 pm on August 31) and subsequent rock show in Loring Park, featuring bands such as STNNNG and Dillinger Four.

OMG!!!1!!!!!11!

STNNNG???

IS PLAYING????

HERE?????

Who the hell is STNNNG?

(It's too bad that I'll be on tour with Deathsk├╝ll while this is going on. STNNNG - what ever it is - would have made a sweet opening act. Possibly.)

Scheduled to appear in the parade are the Missile Dick Chicks, who hilariously mock sexism, consumerism, and opiates for the masses and wear, well, missile dicks,

MULTIPLE CHOICE WISECRACK
(Please select the wisecrack that best mocks the previous line.)

a) Because nothing is more hilarious than a missile dick! Unless you happen to be a tight anus.

b) I think mocking sexism with torpedo dicks might be a tad more hilarious.

c) You want to see a missile dick? I'll show you a missile dick.

d) "Oh look! Dildos wearing dildos! How meta! And hilariously mocking!"

and the Backbone Campaign's Procession for the Future, which is filled with awesome puppetry,

You know, I've seen some good puppetry in my day, but that backbone Campaign puppetry? Wow. Forget about it. That. Is. Some. Awesome. Puppetry.

pageantry, music, and spectacle to express what liberty can look like during what Rev. Lennox Yearwood of the Hip-Hop Caucus calls the "the 21st century's lunch counter moment."

I bet he's a Unitarian.

Thank you. I'll be here all week. With my enormous missile penis.

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