Friday, October 17, 2008

Comparative Narratives

First, some history:

The MOB Mayoral elections began back in 2005 in reaction to some of the pure stupidity surrounding the St. Paul mayoral contest. You'll recall that Randy Kelly was ousted by Brother of NonMonkey in that election on the basis of nothing more than Kelly's endorsement of George Bush. This apostasy would not be tolerated by the DFL, so Kelly had to go despite being a DFLer with a pretty solid track record running that city.


Obviously, then as now, the main import of the thing was more the story of the process than the outcome. Primarily a vehicle for satire, all kinds of themes popped up both by design (Dementee's November Surprise), and organically (a candidate's surrogate caught red-handed stuffing the ballot box). It was a lot of fun. So we kept doing it.


Because the focus was always on the road, rather than the destination, who ultimately won really didn't really matter. Each year, MOBsters nominated the people they wanted to see singled out for verbal abuse over the next 12 months, or themselves in some vainglorious attempt to - well, I don't know. And each year we were treated to the "campaigns'" over-the-top underhanded electioneering. Always funny. And I didn't have to write anything, which was always a super bonus.


And over the last 3 elections, we have seen different themes to these stories: Bogus Doug's dark horse win in a scandal plagued election; Teh Andee carpet bombing the electorate with sleazy virtual lit drops and his mockup of Kevie Ecker on the cover of "Gay Monkey" magazine (Andee - a link would be appreciated); and who could forget Baniaiaiaiaian boring everyone into submission during his successful bid, in the MOB's only semi-clean election?


Anyone remember what any of those folks did as Mayor? Other than Bogus Doug posting pictures of "his" cute new puppy for sympathy to avoid being impeached, I can't remember a single thing any MOB Mayor ever did. That's because they didn't do anything other than place a hastily rendered graphic on their blogs' sidebars for a year.


We do remember the narratives, though. That's the point.


And this year's narrative failed to disappoint when its climax saw some self-proclaimed conservatives acting like deranged Democrats. To wit:


1) Throwing out accusations of cheating and suppression by the other side where no evidence exists of either other than the fact that their side is losing;


2) Attempting to cheat themselves;


3) When called out on that cheating, calling names and hurling insults - albeit provoked into being by a purposely incendiary post. (Although I do deeply appreciate Jim's call for unity through bacon. That was nice.)


We've seen that pattern on the national scene in every election since 2000. If the pattern holds, I suspect that what follows will be cries of "He's not my mayor!" or "Selected not elected!" However, if I start seeing bumper stickers, that may be the cue to piss on the dogs and call the campfire on this MOB mayor thing. What is certain is that the name-calling and irrational rage over a fictional election will go on by those developmentally-arrested few who will not suffer themselves a fraction of what they dish out.


What does this all mean?


Meh. Hell if I know. I just drive the narrative. You figure it out.


In any event, that leaves us with the results. Roosh was winning big and winning fair before the brazen cheating attempt on Marteeeeen's behalf. And yes, appealing to a high traffic blog with no connections to the MOB - indeed, one that was completely unaware of its existence - to send readers over and pull the lever for a candidate none of them have ever heard of is cheating. It's like importing homeless people from China and bribing them with cigarettes to vote for Barack Obama under phony registrations provided by ACORN. MOB Mayoral historians will recall the 2005 election in which the MAWB Squad got run from the election for less egregious fraud, paving the way for Bogus Doug's ascension to becoming the eventual Jimmy Carter administration of MOB Mayoral politics.


So Roosh wins. Joe the Plumber would have wanted it that way. He gets to display the Great Seal of the Office of Mayor, use the Official Letterhead, take the blame for everything that goes wrong and get gay baited for the next 12 months.


Why anyone would want to be Mayor is beyond me.


Oh, we need to administer the oath. Would Mr. Roosh please stand at the podium and place your hand on the copy of Dave Barry Sept Here please. Repeat after me:


I, [name] do solemnly swear. So help me God.


Congratulations to our new Mayor. The peevishly whiny old mayor shall remove the Great Seal from his blog anon. Mr. Roosh now has control of the seal:


All MOBsters may commence insulting your new mayor. All leftybloggers may commence race-baiting him.

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