Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Moron Mail

Poor put-upon ACORN rushes to its own defense by writing a letter to the Strib:

ACORN has just completed the largest, most successful nonpartisan voter registration drive in U.S. history. We helped 1.3 million low-income, minority and young voters across the country register to vote, including more than 42,000 new voters in Minnesota. In order to complete such a massive project, we hired more than 13,000 registration assistance workers.

Any large voter registration operation will have a small percentage of workers who turn in bogus registration forms; their goal clearly is not to cast a fraudulent vote. It is simply to defraud their employer -- in this case, ACORN -- by getting a paycheck without earning it. In nearly every case, ACORN discovered the bad forms and called them to the attention of election authorities, put the forms in a package that identified them as suspicious, encouraged election officials to investigate, and offered to help with prosecutions.

We are required by law to turn in all forms, but instead of just turning them in and figuring that it is the responsibility of the board of elections to figure out which are valid, we spend millions of dollars verifying that forms are valid.

The goals of the people orchestrating these attacks are to distract ACORN from helping people vote and to justify massive voter suppression. That's the real voter fraud. The noise about a small fraction of the forms ACORN has turned in is meant to get the press and public to take their eyes off the real threat.

PETER MOLENBONAAR, ST. PAUL;

CHAIR, MINNESOTA ACORN


Indeed, not only are ACORN's officers defending its actions (why wouldn't a non-profit pay employees by the number of registrations instead of engaging in that old tired tradition of enlisting volunteers?), but some of ACORN's customers have also written letters. Here are a few (with names edited in the usual Moron Mail way):

Dear Whoever:

As busy professionals, we are always on the road and don't have time for the time consuming process of registering to vote. I am glad that ACORN is around to accommodate us, and we are really looking forward to voting in Las Vegas this November.

Sincerely,

THE DALLAS BONER COWBOYS OFFENSIVE LINE

Another:

Sirs:

Thanks to ACORN, voter participation in Indianapolis is going to be at its highest level ever! Because of their efforts, over 100% of this city's residents can now vote in this historic election.

Love,

SOME INDIANBONERAPOLIS GUY

One more:

Hey Minnie: I get to vote this year. Thank you ACORN!

Meeska Mouska,

MICKEY BONERMOUSE

And I just recived this one [emphasis mine]:

Drudge suggests ACORN did something wrong in submitting the registration form in the first place. But ACORN shouldn't be in the position of deciding which registrations are legitimate and which are not; that's why we have elections officials. There are two clear problems with placing that burden on a private organization.

First, private organizations shouldn't make decisions about which forms are submitted because there would be too much potential for wrongdoing in such a scenario - an organization shredding voter registration forms for people attempting to register in the "wrong" party, for example.

Second, it may seem obvious that some forms are illegitimate. That's Drudge's point here - Hahahaha, they tried to register Mickey Mouse! Fools! But here's the thing: there are 32 people named "Mickey Mouse" listed in the White Pages nationwide, including two in Florida[.]

GEORGE BONERSOROS

But wait! What did that ACORN guy write to the Strib again? [Scrolling up to top of post...]

We are required by law to turn in all forms, but instead of just turning them in and figuring that it is the responsibility of the board of elections to figure out which are valid, we spend millions of dollars verifying that forms are valid.

D'oh!

(Oh, and for what it's worth, there's also a Homer J Simpson, two Ned Flanders and a Snidley Whiplash listed in the White Pages.)

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