Monday, November 24, 2008

OK, Now I'm Gonna Bring the Noize

Some corners of the local blogosphere (can we change that term? I really hate it. It sounds so Blog House. We need to call it something else. "Online community" is too sterile; "electronica" seems too hipsterish. I'm game for any ideas you may have. Let's retire "blogosphere" and replace it with a new, spiffy term. Until we come up with something satisfactory, I'll just use the word "bidet" in place of "blogosphere". And now that this parenthetical has gone on too long, I will have to start this entire post over. I apologize for any confusion I may have caused and thank you for your patience.)

Some corners of the local bidet have erupted into a fury of personal attacks, the outing of anonymous bloggers, threats of the airing of personal dirty laundry, promises of recriminations and further threats to recriminate any recriminations. Yes the cold November winds have turned the typical rhetorical loogies that are frequently hocked at fellow bloggers in the local bidet into hard icy missiles of eye-gouging acrimony.

And I want in!

I can "out" anony-bloggers and air dirty laundry with the best of em, and I can do so without any fear of serious retaliation. That is, unless someone thinks a couple of speeding tickets is especially scandalous.

*sigh* OK: a few speeding tickets.

And there was that one thing back in college... Oh, never mind.

Anyway I think it's high time to take it to these leftist mouth breathers. Let no stone be unturned! Let no shameful event in some loser's pathetic life remain unpublicized! They deserve it because they voted for different guy than I did!

So as it has come to this, I feel no compunction about taking down - "outing" if you will - a prominent leftyblogger. The safeties are off, no prisoners will be taken! I know that what I reveal here may be shocking or unexpected to some, but it's the absolute truth. Yes, hear now what I say:

Local blogger and former Minnesoros Independent correspondent Andy Birkey is gay!!11!1!1

Ha! Take THAT leftist jagoffs! And you can bet there's more where that came from!

I'm sorry it had to come to this, but the bidet ain't Disneyland pal.

UPDATE: The Minnesoros "Independent's" Editor in Chief Steve Perry has just sent me an email claiming that my outing of Andy Birkey is not such a revelation:

Dear Jerk:

Birkey has been openly gay for a long time. Nice try.

Love,

Steve Perry

PS You are a flaming twit.

A twit? I'm a TWIT???

Oh, them's fighting words. You are on my shit list mister.

More later.

UPDATE 2: You mess with the Foot, you're gonna get the horns.

Using my exceptional talent for google-fu I've discovered some skeletons in Mr. Perry's closet as well. First, apparently Mr. Perry was once a porn star who used the pseudonym "Ben Dover". What's worse, Perry was at one time the lead singer of the 80's crap rock outfit Journey.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

Both those tidbits are on wikipedia, so you know they must be true.

Don't throw stones if you live in a glass house or were ever associated with Journey...

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