Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Rehashing Old Crap: KAR's 2009 in Review

NOTE: After barfing out last year's Year in Review series of posts, I decided that I hated doing it, and that I was never, ever going to do it again. Then Kevin Ecker offered me a case of non-Grain Belt beer if I did another year-end retrospective for 2009. Apparently Kevie is as easily amused as he is incapable of proving he didn't bribe me with beer. Since I love free beer more than I hate writing space-filler posts, I have decided to once again do the series. If you like summaries of old posts presented in Fark-like one liners, you can thank Kevie for this. If not, you should know that he owns many guns. Onward to January...

JANUARY

1/3 - Idiot letter writer thinks the 2nd Amendment consists of a single word. Here comes the grammar.

Obviously burned out from all his posting, Dementee posts a homoerotic picture of John Edwards followed by a clip from The Godfather, and then retires from blogging.

1/4 - "Sounds kinda Brokeback..."

1/7 - Foot finally finishes 2008 in review series; grabs a knife and goes all emo on his arms.

1/8 - The groober cycles stopped remonifying the tweez causing seriously malfunctioning flarbies during the output. Now how in the hell am I going to probesce my flocuals DAMMIT?!!!

1/9 - Foot invents the term "Tic" while endorsing a cured pork product for President. No, really.

1/10 - O(Bonermort) + MNPublius = FAIL

1/11 - OPG invents the Unified Soldier Field Theory, gets drunk, bangs some Iowan in a public restroom.

1/14 - Early '80s progressive rock can teach us a lot about empty sloganeering.

1/15 - KAR gets fabulous.

Apparently the "change we've been waiting for" is a massive orgasm. Presumably in a public restroom with some married babe.

1/18 - Target tries to tweak its competition by surreptitiously designing a suggestive logo. What boobs!

1/22 - Uranus gives way to bacon this year.

1/23 - New Twins stadium plans unveiled. *hic*

1/24 - The MilF hype starts uncharacteristically late leaving Andee a mere 6 months to plan how he'll outdouchebag himself this year.

1/25 - LearnedFoot ruins the St. Paul Winter Carnival Medalion Hunt for everybody with charges of homoeroticism.

1/28 - The Great Metal Poll of Aught-Eight goes live, downs a bottle of Jack Daniels, bites the head off a bat and bangs some married chick from Iowa in the arena restroom.

1/29 - NonMonkey discovers some outfit called the "Citizens for Election Integrity Minnesota". Didn't we just have a big election? Oh - silly me! Democrats won most of the races. That's why we haven't heard from them since.

1/30 - A local blogger named "Teaparty" writing at a blog called "Les Enfants Terribles" argues that the Scorpions are "Heavy Metal". Homoerotic.

1/31 - METALFESTEY!

Coming soon...

FEBRUARY!!!!!

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