Wednesday, December 10, 2008

They Walk Among (and Around and in Front of and Behind and Next to and Slightly Ahead, off to the Side of) Us

UPDATE: Now with 3 times the hero worship!1!111!!!

Local crackpot Grace Kelly continues to define down what constitutes a hero. First, she singled out the heroic online comments of some fruitball on the Strib's website. We had some fun with that one. Now, well... words fail. Just read:

Around this holiday season, I like to say "Thank You" to people who serve unnoticed. The Democratic-Farmer-Labor party has many people who work so hard to create better communities and better government. This is mostly volunteer work with a few underpaid jobs.

These are the everyday heroes!

Let us now praise great lit droppers!

I have been on three executive boards and supported the highest level financial budgeting, so I can tell you for certain, what a donated dollar buys in the DFL is truly impressive.

Bet it wouldn't buy you an Illinois Senate seat!

While corporations have to have big ticket conventions with lots of perks to support training conventions, the DFL does training with volunteers, a few simple handouts, an inexpensive room, coffee, water, crackers

...some chairs, perhaps a table or dais, walls, a door, some dust bunnies in a corner, forced air climate control, a thermostat, gallons of patchouli...

and maybe a little help from a support staff person. This Democratic frugal one-on-one personal persuasion with the support of a few shiny bits of literature goes up against the corporate media advertising and spun news, and still manages to win.

Yep. Didn't see one "corporate" ad for Al Franken nor one news story "spun" in Barack Obama's direction this last election cycle. Not one.

So send a card of cheer, thanks and good will to your local DFL group or the main office:

Minnesota DFL Party
255 E Plato Blvd
St. Paul, MN 55107-1623

In case Swiftee missed it, here's that address again:

Minnesota DFL Party
255 E Plato Blvd
St. Paul, MN 55107-1623

I'm sure the DFL looks forward to your appreciative correspondence.

And even the smallest contribution will be well spent, if you are able to be generous. If you have not yet participated in the Minnesota's Political Contribution Refund, you can give a gift of $50 ($100 as couple) that you get back from the Minnesota government with just a little bit of paperwork. It's a gift that you get back in two months, what could be better than that.

A Wii game. 3 cases of beer. 50 pairs of socks. Cleaning a toilet bowl with my tongue.

Lots of things.

How about I just buy you a question mark.

But I suppose there are lots of people who would pay a small amount to facilitate the election of DFLers who will extract a much larger amount from someone else to solve any real or perceived problems. Now that's altruism! And you get your money back!

The thank you notes make all the difference, since they are so rarely said.

Thank you notes can talk?

Even in critiques we have recognize all hard work and effort.

I have no idea what that sentence even means.

A thank you now and then makes the difference in people not burning out, even here in writing citizen journalism and blogs.

Hmmm. She write real good.

Fortunately, the co-chairs of DFL party have said they have the spirit and enthusiasm to do a least one more term.

Oh, well! Thank God!

So special thanks to Brian and Donna, who are again candidates to lead. Special thanks and kudos to every volunteer, every staff person, every candidate, every elected official, every contributor, and every voter who helped the DFL through out this year. Thanks to all the citizen journalists as well! Thank you for working for the common good. Thank you for making the world a little bit better. Thank you for all you do!

You are very welcome.

Since all active DFLers are now by definition heroes, I think we need to resurrect that old Bud Light ad campaign and rejigger it to salute this flood of new DFL heroes. Firefighters? Police officers? Serving in the military? Suck it! Today we salute...

DEEP THROATED NARRATOR: The Kool Aid Report presents...Real DFL Heroes

OVERWROUGHT MULLETED SINGER: ♩♫ Real DFL heeeeroooooes ♬♫

NARRATOR: Today we salute YOU, Mister Al Franken State Fair Booth Guy!

OMS: ♩♫ Mister Al Franken State Fair Booooooth Guy ♬♫

NARRATOR: While hoards of overweight outstaters file past gobbling down deep fried cuisines impaled on a wooden rod, you man your post with a steely-eyed determination.

OMS: ♩♫ Ooooo - suck on that corndog ♬♫

NARRATOR: And then when that vital moment arrives, you always deliver the same phrase with polite alacrity "Yes, we DO have bumper stickers!"

OMS: ♩♫ Hoooow 'bout a button? ♬♫

NARRATOR: On the off chance when you encounter a hostile patron, you calmly respond that yes, that "twit" is actually the DFL endorsed candidate for the Senate.

OMS: ♩♫ You can't be serious! ♬♫

NARRATOR: So pop open a Gatorade Mister Al Franken State Fair Booth Guy! Because during these hot days you need to stay hydrated so you can fight on for the one man who has the ability to make Jesse Ventura look statesmanlike.

OMS: ♩♫ Mister Al Franken State Fair Booth Guy ♬♫

NARRATOR: Kool Aid Report, Apple Valley Minnesota.


XERXES CONTRIBUTES:


DEEP THROATED NARRATOR: The Kool Aid Report presents...Real DFL Heroes

OVERWROUGHT MULLETED SINGER: ♩♫ Real DFL heeeeroooooes ♬♫

NARRATOR: Today we salute YOU, Mrs. Nattering Citizen Journalist With an Overly Inflated Sense of Self-Importance.

OMS: ♩♫ Mrs. Nattering Citizen Journalist With an Overly Inflated Sense of Self-Importance ♬♫

NARRATOR: While most Internet surfers recognize blogs and chat forums as an amusing distraction, you believe every one of your digital utterances carry the weight of the world upon them.

OMS: ♩♫ Ooooh, you're saving the world!♬♫

NARRATOR: And when it comes to handing out the "hero" tag, you ladle it out so generously, almost every mammal on the planet seems to qualify.

OMS: ♩♫ We're all an American hero! ♬♫

NARRATOR: Despite a body of written online "work" that causes most people to shoot whatever liquid they may be drinking forcefully from their noses, you soldier on with your ridiculous nonsense, oblivious to your own stupidity.

OMS: ♩♫ Lead is less dense than you! ♬♫

NARRATOR: So crack open another Ensure, Mrs. Nattering Citizen Journalist With an Overly Inflated Sense of Self-Importance! Because in these post-election days, with an economy dragging along like a dog's butt on carpet, it's probably best to be oblivious to your own irrelevance.


OMS: ♩♫ Mrs. Nattering Citizen Journalist With an Overly Inflated Sense of Self-Importance ♬♫

NARRATOR: Kool Aid Report, Rochester, Minnesota.



UPDATE 2


Mitch goes for the gusto:

DEEP THROATED NARRATOR: Shot In The Dark presents…Real DFL Heroes

OVERWROUGHT MULLETED SINGER: ♫ Real DFL heeeeroooooes ♫

NARRATOR: Today we salute YOU, Mr. Paid Leftyblogger!!

OMS: ♫ Mizz Anonymously-Paid Leftyblogger!!♫

NARRATOR: While the rest of the world goes on with their lives, you devote yourself to the eternal quest; finding an original way to try to photoshop Michele Bachmann…

OMS: ♫ “Ain’t that woman cra-zeee?”♫

NARRATOR: When questioned about your funding, you respond the way your group always has; “Soros? Who’s George Soros?”

OMS: ♫ Never heaaard of him!♫

NARRATOR: But at the end of the day, you’re the one who Twin Cities lefties can count on to break the monopoly of the conservative Star/Tribune, and tell the truth!

OMS: ♫ Pawlenty lied and people died! ♫

NARRATOR: So pop open a Corona, Mister Anonymously-Paid Leftyblogger! Because at the end of the day, when Media Matters says “Jump”, someone has to answer “Off What?”

OMS: ♫ Mister Anonymously-Paid Leftyblogger♫

NARRATOR: Shot In The Dark, Saint Paul, Minnesota
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