Friday, December 05, 2008

Through the Scanner Flatulently: KAR 2008 in Review 2

All the months on one page. Neat!

FEBRUARY

2/1 - Study finds global warming may cause fewer Packer wins in Lambeau, more restroom sex in Metrodome.

2/4 - Giants pull off biggest Super Bowl upset ever, defeating the undefeated New England Patriots. Patriot fans unable to see game because satellite signal could not penetrate thick layer of smug over Boston.

Armed with its first hit single and umlauts, blog-based heavy metal sensation Deathsk├╝ll plans its first world tour, to begin when the band finds a drummer, bassist, lead singer and 5 guitarists.

2/5 - "Back in Black"? Seriously?

A letter from some guy we know for sure has not had sex in a restroom stall.

Ryan Rhodes "is impossible to choke, possesses a "plank-like living-rigor mortis capability" and once "stained a ceiling" with a "fart".

2/6 - On caucus night, LearnedFoot's Primary concern was getting his plank adopted. Caucus.

Weiner poopie. Weiner. Poopie. WEINER POOPIE!1!1!!!!

2/11 - The Notorious B.I.L completely revamps KAR's design. Since the KAR design you are looking at now is identical to the one we started with in 2004, you can pretty much figure how well that worked out.

Knickerpicker.com debuts. KAR links to it. Entire readership of KAR simultaneously spends the next 5 minutes in the bathroom.

2/13 - ♬♭Hil-lar-y / For you and me / Why don't / You just kill me ♭♭♭♭

Michele Bachmann officially becomes the 1 millionth person who won't take Karl Bremmer's calls.

2/14 - Old and busted: White Castle. New hotness: St. Paul Grill.

Don't drink and google, bang married chicks in bathroom.

2/15 - Faces of Deathsk├╝ll.

2/19 - The compleat works of Fraters Libertas in a single post.

2/21 - African American woman who lived a hardscrabble childhood claws her way to success by her bootstraps thanks God she lives in America where such things are possible. Just kidding.

2/24 - Ralph Nader = lint trap.

2/27 - Top 12 reasons KAR should replace Captain's Quarters in the Northern Alliance. "Because they never screwed a married woman in a stadium restroom" conspicuously absent.

2/29 - Head of Alfredo Garcia embarrasses himself: "The only way it could get worse for Steve Perry? If Soros hires Brian Lambert as his district manager." Wrong! Perry thrives on editorial guidance from above.

Unbeknownst to the Northern Alliance, KAR and the Nihilist in Golf Pants officially accepted into Northern Alliance. Let a thousand flowers bloom!

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