Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Reader asks KAR to return to "teh funny"

KAR reader Coach Bob commented on Foot's violent, hate-filled smackdown of Bodell:

Mostly I come here for teh funny, the odd and the (far too) rare Haiku. That's what makes this ThunderJournal a respite from a day of actual work trying to keep myself and a few dozen other people employed here in MN. This post was one of the best posts I've read here.

His lavish compliments and insightful comments were qualified with:

That said, please get back to the googling of odd sexual practices, the non-serious stand on any issue and making fun of Bill's pie decorating.

As you wish, Bob! I couldn't find any pie decorating bits, but this piece covers many of KAR's favorite topics: earworms, humor at the expense of a child, sexual innuendo and poop. It's the closest I could find to a haiku. Enjoy teh funny.



The News in Haikus

If Bob Dukiet wants
Haikus, then dammit, we shall
Give him some haikus.

Indignant island
Folk, now want to be called "Greeks
In Sensible Shoes."

Tuesday: experts say
"Recession!" Wednesday: Numbers
Say "The experts FAIL!"

Neon colors speak.
What a long, strange trip it's been.
Now the trip's over.

Penis pump judge is
Released from prison. Oh, sweet,
Sweet release! Penis.

Here's a video
Of John Daly golfing. OH,
THE HUGE MAN TITTIES!

Like most men, guy tries
To kill self during "Oprah";
Like "The Big Give," fails.

Joe Bodell Doesn't Like Me (But He May Have a Thing for Iron Matron)

Joe responds. Well, sort of.

And apparently, I'm "unteachably ignorant" too! I've been insulted by someone with a thesaurus, a LOL generator, and a Google Images search on my name. Happy day, now my life is complete.

LF has been kind enough to prove my point anyway.

Er, no. As we will see:

People like you [read: [Joe]]don't see fellow citizens. You see enemies
to be marginalized and defeated. You see interest groups and victim groups where
sane people like us see individuals. We refuse to engage in "the debate" because
we realize that none exists online in any legitimate form. That's what we get
for proliferating a medium of communication in which we are never forced to meet
people face to face, and where people are rarely held accountable for their
lies
.


Funny how it keeps coming back to war metaphors when the truth is so far off.

The war metaphor was a description of how Joe views things (I should also point out that the term "enemies" can - and often does - exist outside the millieu of war). And given his attempt to smear dozens of bloggers as racists because of something one person wrote, I'd call it an accurate one.

Reading comprehension is good.

I don't see enemies on any battlefield. I see rhetorical opponents who hold different views on a range of issues, and I relish the debate (which, contrary to LF's assertions in that well-written but ultimately playground-bully-quality piece [OMFG - a violent metaphor! -- this must be emblematic of some larger truth about lefty bloggers -- my book is forthcoming!!! --ed.], does take place on the internet when we're not busy dealing with the mudslinging) on those issues.

No it doesn't. And as someone who has been formally trained in the art of debate (where the consequences of the outcome are a little more substantial than college debate team) it hurts my head what some people consider "debate". I see little more than insults, self-righteous proclamations, nit picking over semantics, rhetorical gimmickry, endless charges of hypocrisy and dubious assertions of fact. And God forbid you venture into the other side's territory, lest you get absolutely bombarded with specious and insulting crap from 20 different people. (This, of course, works both ways.) I've said it before: good debates end in either persuasion or understanding. Given that the poli-blog sphere is overpopulated with outspoken people firm in their beliefs, that rarely happens.

The internet may not be a series of tubes, but it definitely is a series of hives. Don't believe me?

Do you think Joe will be persuaded by any of this?

But enemies? Which one of us, LF, sees mortal enemies around every corner, hiding in every shadow? It's not me.

Yes it is you. I didn't try to label a large swath of bloggers as racists because of something one moron wrote. You did. Smells like a tactic to -- wait for it -- shame or silence your (perceived) opponents.

And two more questions about that, if you'll indulge me:

Why is it OK for you to falsely accuse me of being a racist, but if I call you an asshole for doing so, that's just base name calling? And how does that kind of tactic further "reasonable debate"?

Passive aggression is still aggression, Joe.

But thanks for the LOLJoe. I got a kick out of that.

Your welcome. But that was posted by Iron Matron, and I was against it. (Especially when I thought it had read "I can haz ur penis?")

Here's a Handy Chart

I've taken the liberty of making a graphic to help people understand Iron Matron's post from yesterday.




Oh, don't thank me. Just doing my ThunderJournalistic duty.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

These (Soros) people are killing our republic.

Found today at the Capital Research Center:

Mary Anastasia O’Grady writes in today’s Wall Street Journal that George Soros’s Open Society Institute has been funding terrorism. In a column entitled Friends of Terror in Peru, O’Grady notes that

Thursday’s vote by the European Parliament to take the Peruvian guerrilla group known as the Tupac Amaru (aka MRTA) off its terrorist list has Peru in an uproar. For good reason: The MRTA is notorious for kidnapping, torturing and murdering civilians to advance its political agenda. More recently, Peruvian officials have linked it to Hugo Ch├ívez’s “Bolivarian Movement,” which seeks to destabilize democracies in Latin America, and to the Colombian rebel group FARC…

…Meanwhile the work of other foreign-funded NGOs in the interest of terrorist organizations warrants urgent attention. Take the Peruvian “human-rights” group Aprodeh, which labored in Europe to get the MRTA off the terrorist list there, even though Peru still considers it a grave threat to its security.

…In 2007, according to government records, Aprodeh received funding from Oxfam America, George Soros’s Open Society, the John Merck Foundation, the city of Barcelona, the Dutch embassy and a U.S. government agency called the Inter-American Foundation, among others. On Friday, the Peruvian government asked Aprodeh to explain how its NGO status allows it to intervene on behalf of terrorists, as it did in the European Parliament… [emphasis added]


Soros funds MN Monitor and Aprodeh?!???



ATTN SOROS "SOCK PUPPETS": EVASIVE ACTION. SCRAMBLE TO KEYBOARDS AND INTERCEPT RIDICULE. PRIORITY ALPHA. DEFCON5.

LEARNEDFOOT CHIDES: Silly Matron!

You forgot to close the circle!

(Don't worry - I took a screengrab just in case).

KAR Wishes A Speedy Recovery To Mayor Baniaianaian

UPDATE & BUMP 4/29: Gary updates us that King is rid of a hideous infectious gall bladder (shall we name it Joe Bodell?), and resting comfortably. He'll be wearing the lamp shade for a few days before he resumes duties as MOB Mayor, professor, blogger, talk-show host and semi-pro golfer. Congrats on a successful surgery.

LEARNEDFOOT CAUTIONS: Careful with that violent rhetoric IM. We wouldn't want to incur the calm, soothing recriminations of the liberal MDE wannabe set again...

IM THROWS CAUTION TO THE WIND:




LEARNEDFOOT FACEPALMS: I, uh.. ah shit.

(Although I did feel a little relieved after I realized that I had read "pennies" wrong at first.)

IM BOOK CLUB PICK (a good read whilst recovering from surgery):



LEARNEDFOOT PUZZLES: Er, wasn't this post supposed to be about Bananaman or something?

***

Gary reports that our Mayor Baniaiananan is in the hospital for a little gallbladder nip and tuck. I made a little get well card for ya, King.



There's a rumor that Foot might live-blog the surgery. Stay tooned. In the meantime, we upload terabytes of well wishes for a fast recovery, Mayor—and we promise that Mayor (pro tem) Bacon will serve the MOB in an honorable and delicious manner.

The Unteachable Ignorance of Joe Bodell

*pinches bridge of nose*

*rubs eyes*

*sigh*

Oh look - Joe Bodell knows me better than I do:

*rolls eyes*

far be it for me to put anyone from the local conservative internet messaging machine on the same pedestal as Feldman does before knocking them off...but if you needed another example of what he's talking about, here it is:

The "Feldman" Joe refers to is nome guy who just wrote a book (which will sell dozens of copies, I'm sure) about how mean and nasty Republicans use "aggressive" rhetoric; presumably he's never perused Democratic Underground.

And he quotes this post of mine, as emblematic of such "violent" rhetoric:

Ah here's something reality based:

The Republican party, as long as I can remember, has been the party of smear tactics and identity politics. Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached bottom when people actually believe that Truth and Fact lie in the mere assertion of their own self-constructed, half-informed "realities," no matter how fraudulent or absurd. This isn't just a falsehood. It's bizarro world. This guy's perception of reality is the exact, symmetrical, perfect opposite of reality.

These people are killing our republic.

There's a couple of things you need to understand in order to get KAR, or me (as the two are indeed separable) before we can get into Joe's passive-aggressive (oh, hey - there's that "aggressive" word again) bitching:

1) This ThunderJournal needs to be taken as a whole; a body of work. We tend to go off on jags and running jokes than span several posts, if not several months. Joe only comes over here to visit when our url pops up on his site meter. That particular post was just the latest is a short string of recent posts expressing exasperation over some leftybloggers' propensity to proclaim something as fact that is at best an opinion and at worst an outright and obvious falsehood with nothing more to back up the assertion. Oddly enough, this is what Bodell accuses me of here, and the irony should not be lost on you.

He likes it that way, because he apparently prefers to wallow in willful ignorance (when it comes to political screeding anyway) than be forced to take a more, shall we say, self-critical approach to his babblings. Of course this is a problem that is rampant across the internet, and present company certainly cannot exempt itself from this particular sin. So let's not be too hard on Joe.

2) I am not a Republican. I am an anti-Democrat, who will likely write in "Bacon" as my vote for President come November. I am not a part of a "messaging machine" like Joe Bodell is. I am not a registered Republican, I have never given a dime of my money nor a minute of my time to the party. Anyone who has read more than 3 sentences of this ThunderJournal knows that. I blog about what I want when I want, and unlike Joe, I don't get paid to do it by super-rich currency speculators.

3) KAR is first and foremost a humor ThunderJournal, centered primarily around the wretched state of civic an political discourse that Joe Bodell and his cohorts (like at his other paying gig Minnesoros Monitor) poop out on a daily basis. The entire reason for KAR's existence can be traced back to Jane Smiley's execrable 2004 article "The Unteachable Ignorance of the Red States" which was basically a mass slander of some 60 million people. I merely felt that elitist left wing douches weren't being insulted enough, so I thought I'd do my tiny part. I certainly didn't have such lofty designs for this blog like writing a daily complaint or hit piece about the sitting senator / governor / or congressperson of the opposite party. Call it "having a life".

4) We write for our audience (which, I hasten to add, spans the political spectrum). You don't need to be a "rightie" to get it. You just need a brain, a sense of humor and a knee that doesn't jerk. We don't write for clueless, imperious and dyspeptic activists. Except for Andy Aplikowski.

Got that, Joe? Did you even read that? No? Figured as much.

Now, having duly informed you of how we roll here, let's get on to Joe's complaint about that hurriedly dashed off throwaway Saturday post of mine:

No attempt to actually discuss the claims made by the MNCR diarist. No thoughtful rhetorical solution offered

What is the solution to stupid generalizations proffered by a kool aid addled activist who couldn't be persuaded that the sky was blue if it weren't on the Democratic Party's platform?

whereby the Republican Party comes out looking like the superior moral force in American politics.

Please consult number four above, and note: nobody, including the author of the Republican hit-book that Bodell fawns over in his post, actually believes that identity politics is not the sole domain of the Democratic party in any major way.

That is, except for Bodell and his co-diarist.

How many examples do I need to drag out? Since I'm writing for my audience, they've already read most of them.

Just a post tagged with such wonderfully vitriolic terms as "cleveland steamer" (if you don't know, don't ask),

It's funny to write.

"loser", "hacktackular",

Actually, Joe, your former paid propagandist colleague Jeff "The Wingnut Slayer" Fecke, coined that term. I believe, he even tagged a post of his about me with it once.

Yikes! Another preconceived notion exploded.

Oh, who am I kidding, Joe's not reading this. And the more I read his passive-aggressive sanctimonious manufactured outrage, the more I'm convinced the the "loser" tag was well earned.

and "pure unrelenting deep deep stupidity." Oh, and apparently those who write on liberal blogs are killing the republic.

Your diarist fired first pallie. Besides, nothing I wrote was provably false.

And you seem to have forgotten about the "hubris" tag.

Nice. LF could be a bit more violent

Drama queen.

by describing in detail how liberal bloggers are murdering and eviscerating our form of government -- personally, I don't see it -- but really, the post would come no closer to actually furthering a pragmatic discussion about anything but how much conservative bloggers hate their liberal counterparts.

Compare that to the fine upstanding way Joe Bodell rolls:

1) Read something that might me construed as racist or (pick your victim IDENTITY - hmmm, there's that word again)-ist on Anti-strib.

2) Impute that statement to everybody on that blog's blogroll.

3) Avoid addressing perfectly legitimate "guilt by association" rebuttals by characterizing them as "name calling".

4) Drool on self (OK, just guessing on this one).

Sorry Joe. What's threatening the Republic is that your piddle and that of your co-blogger is what passes for civic discourse and debate online nowadays. Because of people like you and your tactics we get Reverend Wright, Hillary's possible lesbian affair with a hot staffer, Al Franken's inability to dissolve a corporation, fraudulent 60 minutes hit-pieces, Blo N Go and critiques of John McCain's teeth. (Please note, everybody, that I was pretty inclusive there.)

People like you don't see fellow citizens. You see enemies to be marginalized and defeated. You see interest groups and victim groups where sane people like us see individuals. We refuse to engage in "the debate" because we realize that none exists online in any legitimate form. That's what we get for proliferating a medium of communication in which we are never forced to meet people face to face, and where people are rarely held accountable for their lies.

That's why we ridicule those too blind or condescending to see that. That's why we call you on your irresponsibly absurd assertions. See number 3 above.

And, at least when we fling out the odd ad hominem, we try to find out something about the target. What does it say about you that you don't even bother to do that?

Hate to bother your tender, eggshell sensibilities, Snowflake, but I must tag this post:

Monday, April 28, 2008

ON STRIKE

I see the new meme that left wingers plan on chanting until they convince themselves it's true has to do with how speculation on commodities is actually responsible for skyrocketing food prices.

Of course, if this were the case, it would be impossible to lose money trading futures, wouldn't it?

Subjecting myself to these morons day in and day out with little or no gratitude has taken its toll. I need a day off. I will not write another word in my ThunderJournal until every local lefty intellectual thug with a blog stops pretending they know what the fuck they are talking about when it comes to matters financial (or, really, anything else other than the gay lifestyle for that matter), or until Berg posts again, whichever comes first.

Sisyphus can have this thread, since he's the scabbin' type.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Your "Reality Based" Delusion of the Day

I think I have finally recovered from the migraine I suffered at the hands of Flash's insanely reversed reality.

In fact, I feel so good that I think I am again able to read lefty blogs again.

Ah here's something reality based:

The Republican party, as long as I can remember, has been the party of smear tactics and identity politics.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached bottom when people actually believe that Truth and Fact lie in the mere assertion of their own self-constructed, half-informed "realities," no matter how fraudulent or absurd. This isn't just a falsehood. It's bizarro world. This guy's perception of reality is the exact, symmetrical, perfect opposite of reality.

These people are killing our republic.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. Once promising, the blogosphere - especially the local one - has become the ghetto of intellect and civic discourse.

Friday, April 25, 2008

WAMM — Talent On Loan From Odd

A friend tipped me to a fun Womyn Against Military Madness event this Saturday:

WAMM Talent Show: 26 Years of WAMM Talent

Comedy! Dance! Magic! Music! Unique Performances of all Kinds!

Come see how talented WAMM members really are. Bring your friends and family-WAMM supporters young and old-for an evening of entertainment.


This would be a tempting one to check out if not for the steep price of admission - and the odd choice of venue.

Suggested Donation: $10.00 to $25.00.

6:30 p.m. - doors
7:00 to 9:00 p.m. - program
Lake Harriet United Methodist Church, 4901 Chowen Avenue South, Minneapolis

The DemocraticUnderwear gang is really pumped:

Sat night 4/26. Come watch ex FBI agent spin plates on sticks !!!!!!

(great music, great spoken word, great poetry and other surprises)
(you never know what professionals are members of WAMM, maybe Bonnie Raitt might show up)

Besides you get to hang out and talk about politics without getting blank stares or shh'd.

Does that mean Coleen Rowley will be singing an aria? Playing spoons? Maybe I should go and offer my professional cowbell accompaniment. Or perhaps it's time for DeathSkull to crash a party.

Bayeux Sophistry

Flash:


Standard Right Wing Smear tactics, allow the standard bearer to take the high road while the surrogates do the dirty work.


Say all you want about the slugfest going on in the Democratic Primary contest, at least they have the courage to do their own dirty work!


Sigh. It's like he thinks if he repeats it enough outfits like this, this, this (the election fraud surrogate), this or this (which alone dropped a different glossy, expensive-looking John Kline hit piece in my mailbox every day for 2 weeks right before the 2006 elections) will magically evaporate from everyone's consciousness.


And that's not the end of all the disingenuous BS he packed into that one tiny post (like his hilarious attempt to characterize the North Carolina Republican Party as a "surrogate" for the Republican nominee for president; but I digess) .


Alas, I've grown tired of it. It's gotten old, and thus deserves an equally old:


Friday Bacon Post

Bacon increases cancer risk. Is there anything bacon can't do?

One of the worst things about being a soldier stationed in the Middle East (other than the heat, the bombs etc.) is the unavailability of bacon. Some enterprising Seattle business has found a way to support the troops while still observing the Muslim dietary proscriptions. God bless America.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Congratulations! You Have Won a Major Award!

The results are in and the votes have been counted.

The 2008 City Pages Best Local Blog (Right Wing) is:

YOUR BLOG!*

* That is, if you have a blog that's local and right-wing, that is neither Nihilist in Golf Pants nor KAR.

Now you may proudly display this graphic on your blog:





And since we can reliably assume that City Pages' silence equals consent, you can all feel free to sell your award on e-bay without any questions about your award's authenticity!

But why would you want to do that? Wouldn't you rather share company with the other City Pages-selected local media all stars such as:

Best Columnist (Nick Coleman)?

Best TV Weatherperson (Paul Douglas)?

Best FM Radio Personality (Kerri Miller)?

Best Art Critic (who gives a shit?)?

Sport that graphic proudly, fellow local right wing blogger! Even though KAR now remains the only local right-wing blog to never win a City Pages award, we KARnies consider ourselves proud to count you as our colleagues!

Suckers!

In Which Godwin Meets Darwin

There's are "FAILs" and there are "EPIC FAILs".

Neither term is sufficient to describe this bonehead:

A congressional candidate is defending his speech to a group celebrating the anniversary of Adolf Hitler's birth, saying he appeared simply because he was asked.

MULTIPLE CHOICE WISECRACK

Please choose the one-liner that best fits your sense of humor:

A. Er, that defense didn't work at Nuremberg either.

B. "Well, officer, I only muled that 50 -kilo package of coke across the border because that nice drug dealer asked me to."

C. "Well, honey, I only allowed that naked midget tranny prositiute to tie me up and ball gag me in that hotel room with the donkey and put those pictures on the internet because he asked me."

D. Seig FAIL!

E. All of the above.

(Follow that link above, if only to view that absolutely precious photo.)

Metallica Can Teach Us a Lot About the Next Presidential Election

Die by my hand
I creep across the land
--"Creeping Death" by Metallica

She's still alive, and even though her prospects aren't supposed to be that great, I've got a creeping feeling that Hillary is going to win the nomination. Hence the song choice.

And what could possibly result from that? (Besides pestilence and death, I mean.)

Well, for one thing, we get to deal with a round of race riots 40 years after the '68 riots, which would be just way too disturbing. Not as disturbing as President Hillary, but still...

(Seriously, it's like she's the star animatronic creation for Disney World's "It's a Creepy and Vaguely Nonhumanoid World After All" attraction.)

Hang onto your butts, people. And hope that I'm wrong as usual.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

TRAVASHAMAMOCKERY!!!!11!!!

After an entire year of Fleen - my brazen attempt at currying favor with the City Pages' hipster-doofus staff - the new annual Best of the Twin Cities Issue has finally arrived. And now we are able to see how effective our bizarre campaign to win the prestigious Best Local Blog (right-wing) title was.


And the results are as follows:

(Drum roll please...)








[a hush falls over the crowd]













City Pages eliminated the category.



...



[Pinching bridge of nose]



I refuse to accept this result.



City Pages doesn't want to name a Best Right-Wing Local Blog? Fine. I'll do it for them.

In the usual place atop the sidebar, you will find a poll. You have the choice between the two obvious (and greenest!) contenders for this title, along with a "none of the above" answer choice for you single-digit-traffic or traffic-whoring types. The winner will get to display this official graphic on his or her ThunderJournal in perpetuity:




One vote per computer per day.

*mutter* I can't believe I wasted all that time creating that stupid fucking comic for a non-contest. *mutter* *mutter* Dumbass! Double dumbass! *mutter* *mutter* *mutter*

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

KAR's Handy Earth-Saving Tips for Earth Day

I guess today is Earth Day. As the most eco-conscious ThunderJournal in the Northern Alliance, it falls to KAR to celebrate Our Mother by helping you ignorant troglodytes save it. Or something.

So in that spirit, here are several tips and hints about how you can do your part to help the environment compiled by the KAR staff.

* Be careful not to confuse burned out compact fluorescent lights with fully illuminated ones. The difference between the two is a mere 1 or 2 watts.

* Carbon dioxide and methane are the 2 leading greenhouse gases causing global warming. Unfortunately the world's 6 billion people emit tons of those two lethal gases every day. To reduce the number of emissions you contribute, use an earth-friendly biodegradable cork to plug your anus and stop breathing.

* Recycle the mercury in your burned-out CFLs by making groovy-looking homemade thermometers!

* Are you an eco-conscious liberal who needs to drive a car but can't afford a hybrid? No problem. Try clogging the exhaust pipe of your Subaru or Ford Fiesta with a biodegradable and earth-friendly banana or potato. You could cut your greenhouse gas emissions by almost 100 per cent!

* Computer monitors contain bazillions of pixels, each of which requires electricity to illuminate. However, no electricity is needed to illuminate pixels in areas of the screen which are black. Therefore, you should only visit websites that contain a lot of black.

* Start a compost heap in Nick Coleman's yard.

* Before you recycle that cell phone, be sure to erase all contacts, personal information and those pictures of your naked wife playing with a vibrator.

* The ethanol industry needs all of our food. Therefore, restrict your diet to 150 calories a day. Yeah, you too fatty.

* Reuse your old bumper stickers.

Happy Earth Day, and good luck!

Monday, April 21, 2008

CNN Is Full of Shirt

CNN is now selling t-shirts with its headlines (any headline) emblazoned across the chest.

Of course, there are some bugs.

Top 11 Reasons Why Hillary Clinton Should Be Our Next President

11. She ain't no ways tired.

10. She's mentally prepared for sniper attacks.

9. Because independent guys like, er, me are *gulp* voting *coff* for her.

8. Um, "health care" or something?

7. [NOTE TO SELF: think of something for 7]

6. [NOTE TO SELF: think of something for 6]

5. [NOTE TO SELF: think of something for 5]

4. [NOTE TO SELF: think of something for 4]

3. [NOTE TO SELF: think of something for 3]

2. [NOTE TO SELF: think of something for 2]

1. Vagina!



Sorry, Mr. Scaife. I tried. I really did.

I can haz check now?

ATTENTION SCAIFENET™

SCAIFENET™ MARCHING ORDERS ENCLOSED. PRIORITY DELTA. MOST SECRET.

SET DECODER RINGS TO AUSPICE 87; AUTHENTICATION CODE AS FOLLOWS:

ALPHA-SIERRA-SIERRA-BRAVO-UTAH-TANGO-TANGO-SIX-NINER.

INSTRUCTIONS AS FOLLOWS:

ALL SCAIFENET™ NEWSPAPERS, BLOGS, MEDIA OUTLETS, AFFILIATES AND MEMBERS OF THE RIGHT-WING ATTACK MACHINE IN GOOD STANDING SHALL PIMP THE CANDIDACY OF HILLARY CLINTON.

YES THAT HILLARY CLINTON.

COMPLIANCE IS MANDATORY. REPEAT: MANDATORY.

END COMMUNICATION.

Dumpster To e-Democracy Blogger Search: "Pick Me! Pick Me!"

Steven Clift at e-Democracy.org is "Seeking Minnesota Blogger contacts."
Does anyone out there have a contact list of Minnesota bloggers?

E-Democracy.Org will be using this information to contact bloggers about the Minnesota Minute video project and if in Greater MN, about the Rural Voices initiative.

Mitch nicely offered up the MOB, Fraters, and True North:
The Minnesota Organization of Bloggers is the biggest active group of bloggers in the state - indeed, probably the nation.

"True North" is an offshoot of the MOB; it's a group blog, and is overtly center-right conservative. But TN (unlike the MOB) is explicitly political in nature, and has some of the more outspoken bloggers writing for it.

I bet Le Dumpstere Diva slipped on her drool running to the keyboard to dis the MOB and some of its members:
The MOB is all right-wing bloggers with the exception of Flash (Centrisity), whose blog seems center left. It also includes fringe blogs like antistrib, who regularly do racist posts to build their traffic. One notorious example is a post about "Dirt Worshiping Heathens" to describe Native Americans.

Oooh, that left a mark. Next on her hate crimes list: True North.
Look True North is definitely partisan, and includes people like Janet Boynes - Michele Bachmann's Ex-Lesbian side-kick. That's not exactly mainstream.

It must be hard not to be crazy-envious when you're the polar opposite on the attractiveness scale, and the afore-mentioned are given national press while you beg daily for any reader to come to your pathetic newz site. Diva then attempts to pimp her blog by posting her feigned investigative journalism on poor fellow Bachmann stalker dumpster victim Karl Bremer, and adds several links to her site.
MOB and Look True North Blogger Drew Emmer posted an item on Look True North listing home, work phone numbers and home address and photo of Karl Bremer - a private citizen who disagreed with him. The post has since been taken down.

Drew wrote in to MN Mon to clarify, and said True North set the post straight. But Diva's not interested in that part, she's just hoping her three links will add hit numbers to her Site Meter account and garner a spot in Clift's coveted search for bloggers.

As to Diva's blogging capabilities, Foot recently caught "private citizen" Bremer in a majestic FAIL, and Diva's anonymous Wikipedia exploits. Looks like it's back to the old dumpster drawing board.



LEARNEDFOOT OBSERVES:

Curious. Whiner Young is whining on some moonbat listserv? How rediculous!

(See, IM? That's how you write a stalkerblogger post. Please stick to the stylesheet from now on.)

So the petulant hippo slanderblogger tries to smear some 100 blogs by pointing to a single stupid post on a single stupid blog that gets three-quarters of its traffic from google images searches for "Kari Byron"?

Is that it?

It's an awful tactic employed by awful people.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Flatulence Friday: Mrs. Clinton

Howard Dean wants his superdelegates to make their choice for Obama or Clinton NOW.

“We cannot give up two or three months of active campaigning and healing time,” the Democratic National Committee Chairman told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer. “We’ve got to know who our nominee is.”

...

I can understand the Democra-tics ambivalence. How does one pick the mo-shizzle turd in a field full of cow pies? As a public service, KAR offers this video to help the remaining 300 delegates make up their minds..

Yet They Claim to Not Be Condescending

And now we pause to praise the most valuable members of society. No, not those hard working pork plant workers. I'm talking about DFL Front Groups Liberal Think Tanks.

Don't laugh. They're serious:

A progressive think tank's work, like all the world's, is hard work. We rise, shoulder our tools, and labor, moving Minnesota's public policy agenda forward. Then, we do it again the next day.

Let's all hear it for progressive think tanks ladies and gentlemen!

[crickets]

Using a baseball analogy, we want to win the game through singles and doubles, not home runs. The home run might jazz fans but in baseball's simple math, teams accumulate points when runners cross home plate. Home runs are, statistically, far less likely than base hits.

Using another, more apt baseball analogy, "think" tanks like MN2020 would like to see the government play the part of the pitcher, while the average taxpayer assumes the role of catcher.

Most of our public policy work is the think tank equivalent of a solid base hit because we believe that base hits win ball games.Conservative public policy makers and advocates have dominated Minnesota's public policy debate for twenty years in part because progressives have conceded the policy debate's larger public arena.

Please tell me more of this strange and distant planet you refer to as "Minnesota". It seems so symmetrically opposite of our earthbound version of the same name.

We believe that strong schools, affordable healthcare, good jobs and a robust economy strengthen families and communities. It is an article of faith for many of us.

I have no idea what this guy means by that, so we'll just smile, nod politely and move on.

That's the problem. Faith's expression requires no proof beyond faith itself. It makes for a powerful values construct but good public policy isn't simply built on faith. Rather, it's rooted in solutions addressing collectively expressed problems. In other words, we invest in public schools because we get something tangible from the deal: better lives.

But I thought faith was to be kept out of the public schools?

(OK, that was a dumb line. Let's forget I ever typed it and continue):

But, for far too long, we've declined to make the progressive agenda case to the larger public. We insist that we know what's best.

Fellow KARnies, good citizens of KARNation, infrequent visitors, and people who googled "MILF": I would like you for a moment to put down your guns, forget about your religion, put aside your hatred of immigrants, and read that graf again.

But, for far too long, we've declined to make the progressive agenda case to the larger public. We insist that we know what's best.

All hail the progressive Mommy Tank, who knows what's best.

Sweet. Holy. Crap.

It's not enough to be right.

In your case, it'd be a good start. Along with a little humility. You condescending booger.

Minnesota 2020 was born from the idea that people share our concerns and our values but they don't understand how we translate them into public policy. Most critically, they don't understand how a progressive agenda improves and enriches their lives.

And even more critically they can't seem to fathom that maybe- just maybe -we're taxed enough, and the way the legislature prioritizes its spending is a) self-serving; and b) stupid.

Talking only to ourselves or insisting that we're right with a three-year old's breath-holding determination won't change minds and it certainly doesn't build community.

So let's go to the other extreme and act as though we are the All-Seeing Masters of Time and Space Who Know Better. That's totally more mature and constructive.

That's why a think tank's business is hard work.

I would love to see this puke tell that to those guys who are risking nervous system disorders to blast brains out of hog skulls, just so that we may all enjoy a meal of delicious, porky bacon.

ThunderJournaling is hard work too. I have to read NonMonkey, and those poop jokes just don't write themselves.

It's rewarding, sure, but-

NO. wait a minute. I need to get this off my chest. Would it be too much trouble for you people to show a little appreciation for a fucking change? Guys like Ryan, Mynorthernalliancecolleague-nihilistingolfpants and I slave over a keyboard an average of three times a week for your amusement. And what do we get in return? Comment spam. Or some drooling leftist douchebag telling us to "go fuck Iraq" (yeah, I don't know what that means either, but it actually happened).

You know what we don't see? "Thank you," or "Job well done," or, "Dammit you are right! Spot the Dog probably does eat his own shit."

I, for one, am tired of your total and utter non-acknowledgement of my considerable ThunderJournalistic game. I demand a lavish banquet to be held in my honor and in the honor of the other aforementioned other acerbic irrelevancies, during which you recognize our great contributions to the internet while simultaneously picking up the beer tab!

There. I feel better. Let's continue.

It's rewarding, sure, but moving Minnesotans forward, making the case for progressive policy change, for investing in schools, healthcare, transportation and economic development is never achieved in a single home run.

Watch how the subject, verb and object work together in that sentence. It's as though Minnesotans can't move for themselves. They need some elitist left-wing think tank to move them.

Move this.

In contrast, consider the conservative movement. After a wildly successful run, Minnesotans are beginning to turn away from disastrous conservative public policy prescriptions. Conservatives, however, are not going quietly into that good night.

Yes, we're not citizens with a legitimate point of view. We are the enemy to be eliminated. By Mommy Tanks.

Last weekend, conservative talk radio host Jason Lewis and the no-tax greedhead crowd

"Greedhead"?

Come over here you little punk so that I can shove my 2007 state tax return up your ass.

Shithead.

(And no it's not lost on me that he -like other drooling maternalistic Tic party proxy propagandists before him - mischaracterized the view of those gathered as the total elimination of taxes. Why do liberals hate the truth?)

held their annual State Capitol tax protest rally. They said the same things they always say -taxes are bad, government is bad, blah, blah, blah- so I won't bore you with the details except to say that an angry rant remains an angry rant.

Taxes aren't high enough, markets are bad, the government should do / regulate everything blah blah blah.

I won't bore you with details except to say that a condescending rant remains a condescending rant.

Their attendance numbers have been dwindling. Lewis claimed five or six thousand. Media accounts say one thousand. I'm thinking that it was more like seven or eight hundred but I'll generously concede the thousand.

Oh there's that again. One wonders how such a hard-working Mommy Tank person had enough time to attend the rally. This hard-working ThunderJournalist had other things to do (because this ThunderJournalist is of the view that holding up a sign on a stick in the blustering rain accomplishes less than spending time with his kids, working out and watching the Masters. I'm going to guess that this ThunderJournalist is not alone.)

They shouted at each other, at us and at KSTP-TV's camera, insisting that their liberty was lessened by taxes.

Which is a perfectly defensible position in the face of Mommy Tanks and Nanny Statists.

They saved an especially bitter enmity for the six State House Republicans that voted for the $6.6 billion transportation investment bill. They insisted that Minnesotans are the sixth most taxed state.

In all fairness, they were way closer than Matt Entenza who made the ridiculous claim that we're 32nd (keeping in mind that there are several states that don't even collect income taxes at all).

They weren't counting on being challenged but that's what we did.

OOOOO!!! Tough guy. It's like they're bodyguards. Bodyguards of those who want to forcibly take more of your money.

Wait - what?

After the rally, Minnesota 2020 founder and board chair Matt Entenza, in a Star Tribune interview, responded that, no, Minnesota is actually 32nd not sixth.

Which is a crock. That assertion is either a) a baldfaced lie; or b) based on some self serving cutesy calculation like "tax revenues from the upper 14% of households with annual incomes between $150,000 and $151,000 with less than 3 pets as a percentage of the GDP of Guam" or some such nonsense. Most reliable evidence points to 11 or 12.

Oh wait. Entenza's not done lying yet:

But he didn't stop there, he asserted our critical message: "The cost of a no-tax system is horrible schools, horrible health care, horrible roads.''

NOBODY. IS. ADVOCATING. FOR. NO. TAXES. YOU. LYING. SACK. OF. SHIT.

And that, friends, is how you move a progressive agenda forward. Do the research, craft a compelling narrative, and challenge harmful conservative public policy. Then, get up tomorrow and do it again.

Let's hear it one more time for our dedicated and hard-working think tank drones: manufacturing reality and thinking of new ways to extract and spend more of your money for ambiguous tomorrows!

[Crickets.]

A Salute to Heroes -- A Very Special Friday Bacon Post

We often take bacon for granted. After all, we needn't do more than pick up a neatly shrink-wrapped package of it at our local grocery store or order a pound of it at our favorite restaurant in order to enjoy its salty, smoky porky goodness.

But we need to remember the heroes that make bacon possible; many of whom are paying a steep price for our bacony pleasure:

Eighteen pork plant workers in Minnesota, at least five in Indiana and one in Nebraska have come down with a mysterious neurological condition they appear to have contracted while removing brains from slaughtered pigs, U.S. researchers and health officials said on Wednesday.

(Don't read the whole thing. It gets much grosser.)

Please keep these pork plant worker-heroes in your thoughts and prayers. Bacon isn't free.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Charitably Speaking

MPR's Head Counter in Chief Bob Collins poses a question to which I think I have an answer:
Are we more talk than walk?

Answer: yes.

Ha! OK, let's be less vague. He starts with a pie chart which I will shamelessly hotlink, since my tax dollars are paying for its bandwidth:




Awesome. There's a lot of altruistic people out there. Bob gets a "bingo" with this next graf:

It would seem that if the 87% who would like to do more, actually did more, then not quite as many people would be struggling. Armed with only anecdotal evidence, I'm going to theorize that 87% of the people are not going to do more and a sizeable number aren't doing that much now.

I have obliquely said as much before on this here ThunderJournal; Including my recent Lenfestey-inspired diatribe lamenting all the great things that could be done with all the money wasted in donations to political campaigns, parties and 527s. Bob then poses the $50,000 question:

Why not?

And comes right up against at least part of the answer (with another awesomely hotlinkable chart):

Maybe the answer is in this graph, which takes into account the answers of all the respondents in the northwest area.



Maybe we don't think our help will make a difference, so we don't "do more" to help. Or maybe we each speak a different language when it comes to "doing more." A closer look at the survey shows that a large percentage said they would be willing to get together to talk about ways to help. Others said they would be willing to talk to an elected official. Seventy-eight percent said they would take part in a church project to help someone. A somewhat smaller group said they would adopt a family temporarily if they were struggling. About the same number said they would pay another $50 in taxes.

And there it is. Almost. I would add only this: why on earth would someone volunteer time, money and / or effort when they can just vote for some jagoff who will make them feel as altruistic. The only effort required is 5 minutes at a polling station, a pull of the lever for your local machine Democrat, and then you can go forth and proclaim to the world how compassionate you are. Giving feels good. To the feeble minded and selfish, feeling like you gave while doing nothing feels just as good.

And let's face it: in most cases that compassion is going to be extracted forcibly from someone other than yourself.

The takeaway from all this, I think, is that people are well-meaning, but lazy. And possibly cheap. I'm sick of you all. Eat shit and die.

Ha! Just kidding.

The takeaway is that if we actually did more to make the experience in our own spheres of influence better, starting with ourselves and our own families and then working our way out to neighbors communities etc., we wouldn't need politicians so much. And a country in which politicians are relegated to the back seat of civic life (as the founders of this country intended) is way better than the train wreck of overwrought bullshit we see and read every day.

The downside: we'd have less free time to cram those insipid "Happy to pay more" signs up the asses of all those fools who know they'll never be forced to.

Too Easy Peurile Stupid to Fisk

NonMonkey continues knowing stuff. Apparently some anti-self-defense types held a "die-in". Here's how NonMonkey described them:

The die-in (it was called a lie-in, actually) was organized by Protect Minnesota, an umbrella group representing five gun-control organizations pushing for tighter rules on sales and universal background checks on buyers. Thirty-two people wore black T-shirts that said, "Minnesotans Against Being Shot" as well as ribbons of maroon and orange (Virginia Tech's colors) made by families of the victims. One by one, to the solemn beat of a drum, they went down on the Capitol steps and remained motionless, as if asleep.

Oh, there were some there also who held the contrary view that if someone is going to shoot you you might as well just let them. Penishead described them too:

OK, it was one of those media events that is easy to mock and, indeed, it was mocked by a few underemployed members of the gun-rights lobby who couldn't resist the temptation to spoil a somber moment [oh, spare me --ed.] by holding up frat boy signs to the effect that a teacher or student packing heat could have stopped the carnage, which is the kind of thing I wonder about when a cop gets shot.

No word on the employment status or fraternal society membership of the self-reverential "demonstrators".

Ah. Journalism.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Open Wide -- Here Comes the MilF

ATTENTION MILFERS, POST MILFERS AND WANNABES:

The first MilF e-Newsletter of spring has been issued. Please check your inboxes for the latest in MilFy goodness. If it's not there, then check your spam folder. If it's not in your spam folder then you didn't properly request that your sorry ass be added to the distribution list. To retify your failure, shoot me an email at koolaidreport (at) yahoo (dot) com with a subject line reading "MilF Cleveland Steamer Boner Poop" and I will get you squared away. Same goes for you uncoordinated non-golfers who just want to party with, and bask in the reflected glory of, those of us who did have the cajones to compete. Like Chad.

CLOSED CIRCUIT TO COMMENT TROLL MGEHRITY: It appears your email addy has changed. Got a new one?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

NonMonkey Wants You to Pay for His Happiness -- A Very Special KAR MultiFisk™

WARNING: The following is a patented KAR Multifisk™ of a column drooled out by Noted Walking Priapism NonMonkey. Do not attempt MultiFisking™ or reading NonMonkey columns at home. We are professionals.

NonMonkey the Numbnuts goes to the zoo. Zoo visitors wonder why he's on their side of the bars:

Tim the Terrible goes after state's favorite zoo


RYAN: Tim the Terrible? Really? This is what passes for political discourse at the Strib? You'd think a newspaper that's wallowing in its own irrelevance would try to cling to some some shred of objectivity. This is the kind of thing you'd expect to be gracing the pages of Minnesota Monitor. . . oh, wait.

THOAG: "Tim The Terrible?" He wants to invoke "Ivan the Terrible" in rerferring to the governor?

If only he'd turn loose mobs of goons with knouts against these morons.

Monday morning at Como Park Zoo: It was 37 degrees with a biting wind and one more notable condition. A full parking lot.

The Head of Alfredo Garcia: Is that what they're calling that "condition" these days?

FOOT: Tim Pawlenty estimated the crowd at 20, while the AP, NonMonkey and MNPact put the number at slightly above eleventy million.

Como may not get the respect it deserves from political cheap shot artists. But it gets the public -- by the millions.

FOOT: Remember that "cheap shot" line. Especially the "cheap" part.

Como often is a scapegoat for cheapskate grandstanders, despite an agreement with the state, made when the Minnesota Zoo was funded, to maintain Como as a free, user-friendly city zoo where children can actually see zoo animals. Despite the frequent attacks, Como has thrived and survived to become one of the most-loved family amenities in Minnesota, and the most-visited one.

RYAN: If you build it, they will come. If you make it free, they'll crawl over their own mothers just to get there. It's hardly a surprise a "free" zoo is a popular family attraction. Also, I notice Nick wrote "to maintain Como as a free, user-friendly city zoo," which it is, AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE. What was axed was a multi-million dollar earmark to provide gorillas with nicer digs from within which they can better fling their flourescent green poo (I speak from experience as a witness to such a gorilla pastime).

FOOT: Actually, the Mall of America is the most visited one. By about 39 million visitors per year. Yet when the folks that own the Mall go begging for money, people like NonMonkey howl like a bunch of, well, howler monkeys. (In fairness, that's one of the few times they're ever right.)

An estimated 1.7 million people a year visit the zoo and conservatory, which are open 365 days a year and free to the public (donations of $2 per adult and $1 per child are suggested).

FOOT: So's the Mall. (Donations not solicited or required)

THOAG: Y'know, I've been to Como. It's nice zoo. It'd better be - I pay for it! What I don't get - and Coleman doesn't bother to explain - is what the imperative is to make a "free" public zoo the very best free public zoo - why, at a time when most of us are tightening our belts, the zoo is sacrosanct.

RYAN: Let's see. . . 1.7 million people a year. . . $11 million in earmarked upgrades. . . that's just about $6.50 per visitor. Gosh, it's almost as if there's maybe, JUST MAYBE, some way that money could be raised OTHER than taxing EVERYBODY in the state.

The zoo provides what director Mike Hahm calls "a nose-to-nose experience" with wildlife. Nine of the 10 most popular zoo species are found at Como (only elephants are missing) [kind of like the entire city of St. Paul, come to think of it. --Foot] and if you have kids, or ever were a kid, you know that Como is a family tradition for thousands of Minnesotans.

RYAN: I know I love seeing my tax dollars go towards the family traditions of thousands of Minnesotans. Even though I, myself, have never been to the zoo, it sure gives me warm fuzzies knowing little Timmy can go nose-to-nose with a camel on my tax dime. Happy to pay for an animal snogging Minnesota!

FOOT: Aaaaaaaand cue the insipid "man on the street" interview...

Not just in St. Paul: Eighty-four percent of visitors come from elsewhere, including Kim Frantz of Prior Lake, who was visiting the zebras on Monday with her children, Ravlin, 2, and Nissa, 1.

FOOT: People come all the way from... Prior Lake! Next he'll be telling us of the free zoo pilgrims from exotic places like Roseville! Or Oakdale! And let's not forget Plymouth. Everybody knows a cheapskate that lives in Plymouth.

"We like Como because we read books to the kids about animals at the zoo, and they are all here," she said. "If you go to the Minnesota Zoo, you might see three kinds of buffaloes, and that rings the bell too, sometimes. But here, you're going to see zebras and giraffes."

THOAG: I suppose we should be thankful Coleman didn't demand we buy the books for Ravlin and Nissa, too.

Am I going to regret writing this? (Not as much as Rovlin and Nissa are going to regret their parents' flight of naming fancy...)

FOOT: As if "The Head of Alfredo" is a totally common first name...

THOAG: Take it up with my dad, "The Anus of Schimmel Bronfman".

"This is the people's zoo," said Lisa McGinnity, of St. Anthony, who was visiting the primates with her daughter Riley, 9, and Riley's "most fantabulous" friend, Kaylee. "We come to Como at least once a month, and I've been coming since I was a kid.

RYAN: It's not often you see such refreshing honesty from Nick Coleman; he readily admits doing an interview with Nick Coleman is also referred to as "visiting the primates." You notice how during neither "person-on-the-street" fluffery, Coleman asked his most fantabulous interviewees whether they'd donated at the front gate? Hmmm.

THOAG: Y'know, my kids and I have all the same wonderful memories of the zoo that Coleman is blathering about. But when you get right down to it, zoos are not essential (in any sense that a, heh, non-monkey would recognize; not on a par with life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

So let's work out a compromise; maybe we can build a million-dollar pen for Nick Coleman?

"We love it here."

Unfortunately, real people's preferences don't always count in the jousting of politicians.

THOAG: Right. Just ask everyone that's going to have to pay out the ass for the "Central Corridor".

Como got a whipping last week from Tim the Terrible Pawlenty, who took out his wrath on Democrats by axing every item of investment in the city of St. Paul, including the Central Corridor train and the zoo -- a total of $127 million from the place Pawlenty used to think of as "the city" whenever he thought of going to one (he grew up in South St. Paul, the steak-supply side of town)
.

FOOT: If anybody knows what the hell that parenthetical means, please clue me in.

RYAN: That's easy. Nick knows stuff.

The Head of Alfredo Garcia: But not "how to avoid facile cliches". Nick you nutslapping drama queen - it's politics. Saint Paul's delegation fought Pawlenty on the budget; Pawlenty is fighting back.

Or isn't that part of the "stuff" you "know"?


FOOT: Republicans aren't allowed to fight back, remember? When they do, they're "hating."

Why do you hate so much, Head?

THOAG: Because I'm hungry as hell, and I have no f****ng idea where the "steak supply side of town" is.

Perhaps Gov. Pawlenty has decided he will be leaving St. Paul to move into the vice presidential bunker in Washington. All I know is that no one who loves the capital city of Minnesota would sign off on $75 million for new hockey rinks across Minnesota while slashing the state's favorite zoo.

FOOT: Ah shit. Now I have to let Chad in on the multifisk.


Yes, I have a brother in the St. Paul mayor's office who is steamed at T-Paw. But the brother can take care of himself. This is personal with me. It's not about the mayor. I have loved Como Zoo since before I could walk [which he just mastered late last week--RYAN]. And I have a bunch of kids who have done the same. They love Como Zoo, and I hope they take their kids to Como long after I am gone.

THOAG: If I were your kid, Coleman, I'd only go out if you were gone.

RYAN: I love how, through Nick's hamfisted literary sleight of hand, he's somehow insinuating the zoo is going to be closed down and the animals rendered into hot dogs. I also like the gushing respect Nick shows for the office of the Minnesota governor, what with Tim the Terrible and T-Paw. Nick's a class act across the board.

Pawlenty's line-item vetoes of the DFL bonding bill gave it to Como Zoo in the shorts.

THOAG: Always the "gay" joke with Nick...


FOOT: And finally, in the 13th paragraph in the piece does Nick let the reader know that the cruel and draconian "slashes" to the bonding bill do not endanger the zoo, but only affect the updating of 2 exhibits:

Como lost $800,000 to finish a new polar bear exhibit that is just under way and, more critically, lost $10.2 million to overhaul the zoo's gorilla exhibit. That was the project that made Republican House Minority Leader Marty Seifert howl like a hyena.

FOOT: I would call Nick a "drama queen", but he'd probably think I was gay baiting him.

THOAG: Oooh! More "zoo"plays on words! "So the governor got Coleman's goat by vetoing the appropration, making Nick dance around like a red-assed baboon..."

Seifert made the gorilla plan sound as opulent as a Pohlad mansion on Lake Calhoun, ridiculing it as even more lavish than a place with hot tubs, brass beds and a giant garage.

FOOT: NonMonkey's right. For 10.2 million you could buy FIVE Lake Calhoun mansions.

RYAN: You do have to wonder what the hell kind of gorilla digs can be realized for a cool $10 million. I find it rather comical how Nick thinks that's a downright reasonable price tag. Then again, I suppose he thinks gorillas should be housed in such a way that they don't know they're in captivity, so they can confidently grunt, in gorilla-speak, "I'm nobody's monkey."

THOAG: I wonder if Laura Billings ever gets the urge to grunt "I'm nobody's 'Nobody's Monkey' monkey"?


As usual today, I will take pity on Young Marty, who is from Marshall and does not understand much beyond ethanol plants.

FOOT: And let's not leave out that he clings to religion and guns because of the economy.

THOAG: Coleman's right. He's nobody's monkey. He's everyone's ass.

He even said the state has to choose between school kids or gorillas. What?! The gorillas are for the kids, of course.

RYAN: A gorilla for every kid! Come on, kids! Get your gorilla's here. Fresh gorillas!

THOAG: Dissecting things in seventh-grade biology just got more interesting.

Como and the Minnesota Zoo (which didn't get much this year, either) are educations for all. I'd be happy to prove it by showing Seifert around the people's zoo sometime. I'll be the one walking upright [Wow, he sure is proud of his walking accomplishment!--RYAN].

Hahm, the zoo director, is nicer than I am.

FOOT: Michael Moore having a niccotine fit while watching a Krispy Kreme store burn down is nicer than you.

RYAN: Mel Gibson after a bottle of Jack Daniels and asked to opine about the Jews is nicer than you. Rosie O'Donnell after 46 years of having to be Rosie O'Donnell is nicer than you.

THOAG: A fat bald toothless wolverine with hemorrhoids and constipation is nicer than you. And writes better.



FOOT: Leona Helmsley while simultaneously undergoing a Brazillian wax and a tax audit was nicer than you.


Hey - this is fun!

He takes the Como bashing in stride, and is optimistic the gorilla exhibit will be funded in time to begin work after the Polar Bear Odyssey opens in 2010.

RYAN: Jeez, this guy almost seems downright reasonable; the kind of guy who knows that funding for public projects can be obtained through methods OTHER than a statewide tax, that people can be generous without having the money yanked from their pockets by the state. You can almost feel Coleman's disappointment radiating off the page; he was hoping to get some choice quotes of disgust and rage from Hahm, and instead Hahm threw a curveball of zen realism and acceptance, thus robbing Coleman of a real zinger of an ending.

THOAG: What's this? A public employee who knows about "prioritizing" and "saving money when times are tight?" I never heard about him in the Strib before...

...oh. OK. I get it now.

"The people always rally around Como," says Hahm, who grew up near the zoo. "This is a set back for the gorillas, and we've got to re-group. But we will move forward, because Como Zoo is a community tradition loved by the people. They understand it and support it.

"They always have. And I always have a smile on my face when I am on the grounds."

THOAG: Hanging around Coleman enough will fix that.


That's the thing about Como Zoo. The people keep coming. Generation after generation. And they keep loving it.

They won't quit.


FOOT: And neither will Nick...

RYAN: And with that lackluster finish, Coleman basically wrote a howling, flesh-rending column about. . . nothing at all.

THOAG: No shit. I'd hoped for a rousing "our zoos are burning".

Programming Note

We KARnies are feeverishly crafting another exquisite multifisk for your enjoyment. Because the hand-made, fully kreusened and aged-to-perfection-in-small-batches product takes time and patience, the daily noonish posting will be out a little later than normal. UPDATE: "Little later" being "tomorrow".

To occupy yourselves in the meantime, try your hand at deciphering / psychoanalyzing this soon-to-be-classic Centrisity post. Money line:

Some of the books Ihave gotten off the mailing list I have doled out to others, or have necome door stops. No this one.

No this one, indeed.

Happy Tax Day!

My state tax liability was more than double my federal liability this year. That's the actual tax - not merely the $1800 electronic debit being extracted from my checking account today.

But we're not taxed enough.

Go fuck yourself Quimby.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Photoshop This Fuzzy-Headed Hannibal

The 'O'




Iron Matron's humble submissions...









CHIEF PILES ON:






Still no dirty mushrooms? I'm disappointed.

Mr. Aplinkowsky Goes To Washington

AAA is in our nation's Capitol, enjoying cherry blossoms, monuments, and paying homage to former presidents.

Highlights: Quaffing cold ones at some old bar...



And pondering the beauty that pervades Washington D.C. and Georgetown...
Off corse this town is jest beaoootiful and u can’t halp butt find incredibal things to look at.
Then tops off the evening posing with with his noble steed...



I’m teh King of teh wurld!

Andy. Dude. You must know that posting this photo will haunt you (and provide KAR cheap laugh material) for days to come. Ye have been warned.

Left-Wing Blogs and "Blurring" the Truth

UPDATED (TWICE!)

I usually peruse some of the left wing blogs every day... not because I believe in self mutilation, but because I just like to see what they are up to. And most of the time it is misinformation.

Just as an example, here is an excerpt from a leftist activist blog, picking at nits and selectively reading in order to "prove" some overarching "truth" about "wingnuts":

I usually peruse some of the right wing blogs every day... not because I believe in self mutilation, but because I just like to see what they are up to. And most of the time it is misinformation.

Just as an example, here are some excerpts from posts about the Tax Rally at the Capitol on the 13th -- notice the numbers:

Seeing somewhere between 5,000 and 7,000 people show up at the Tax Cut Rally
yesterday, in spite of the frigid weather....
--Wright County Republican
Blog

Crowd estimates were the same as last year (7,000), surprising
given the weather....
--Posted by Lassie at True North

Global
Warming???? Not so you could tell in Minnesota today. That still has not stopped
several thousand people from showing up on the Capital Mall for the KTLK Tax Cut
Rally.
--Ladies Logician Blog

Now, here is the number mentioned at MPR:

Nearly 1,000 people rallied at the State Capitol against higher taxes.
--Minnesota Public Radio (First sentence of story) 4/13/2008


Now, I realize that crowd estimation is not an exact science by any means -- but the difference between 7,000 and less than a thousand is pretty substantial. I also found it interesting that "Lassie" used the phrase "estimates were the same as last year"..... coincidence???
--Dave Middleman Mnpact blog

Now, I realize that hyperlinking is difficult for some people - but the fact that Mindleson provides no links to the "right wing bloggers" (or even bothers to get their blog names right) he cites might be an indication that there maybe something there he doesn't want you to see. Like this picture of a portion of the crowd. (Here's one from Brad C from a different angle). That looks like a hell of a lot more than 1,000 people.

And had Mandolin bothered to scroll a little further down the page he might have noticed this nugget:

Chief, Lassie, the Junior Logician and I came to hand out True North Cards and see how many people would brave the cold and the snow showers to come hear a plethora of conservative speakers.

Given the fact that when you order business cards, the printer just doesn't give you a random number of cards, Lassie Chief, LL et al might be in a better position to estimate the crowds based on how many cards they handed out. (FTR, I believe Chief had 5,000 cards made).

But taking those facts and documentary evidence (the pictures) into account might disabuse Mindemork of the prejudice he's spent years developing and nurturing.

I do, however, invite him to count the heads visible in those pictures (even more here), since he's interested in truth and all.

UPDATE: Bob Collins at MPR's News Cut actually counted the people (that could be seen) in one of the pictures taken at the event.

And here I had always thought Bob had no life.

FTR: he counted 395.

If you handed out True North cards at yesterday's rally, I'd be interested in knowing how many you handed out. (Yes, that means that you'd actually have to leave a comment. So sorry to put you out like that.)

THE FINAL WORD: After emailing around, I've got some numbers:

Minnesota Majority had a tent at the rally in which it was taking petition signatures. According to someone at MM they got 884 signatures on the petition at the rally, plus over 200 email addresses from those who didn't want to wait to sign it. They also reported distributing over 1500 business cards.

The True Northers I have been in contact with say they handed out no more than 2500 cards but no less than 2000. Given they were working the crowd, rather than cloistered in a stationary tent, it makes sense that the True North guys would have made more contacts in the crowd.

Therefore, I'm putting the rally attendance in the 2000 to 2,500 range. Hence, everybody got it wrong. Except for me. So suck it.

Hipster Cred

The first time I ever attended an event at Roy Wilkins Auditorium in St. Paul was in October of 2003. I and about 700 about-to-be lawyers seated in folding chairs on the main floor had our oath administered to us by the Minnesota Supreme Court seated en banc on the Roy's smallish stage. After the swearing in ceremony, refreshments were served and we mingled amongst ourselves and with the Justices of the Court.

The second time I attended an event at the Roy was last Saturday night. My wife and I sat in the balcony and watched babes in short skirts and fishnet stockings skate around in circles while elbowing each other in the face. On the auditorium's smallish stage between bouts was an ELO tribute band wearing enormous fake afros. We drank Pabst, and when I went to the restroom I found myself standing in a puddle of someone's vomit.

I think the roller derby was a better time, and I highly recommend it to anyone who can handle the intense hipster vibe and the ubiquitous odor of patchouli.

One other tangentially related anti-hipster note: Pabst Blue Ribbon is the beer choice of the discerning hipster, because it's "ironic" or something. What's really ironic is that Pabst has undergone a Renaissance of sorts, and - while hipsters drink it to look cool with their trucker hats - it's probably the best tasting of the cheap domestic mass-produced pilsnalager swill beers. Not that they can really taste the beer through the thick patchouli scent or anything...

Friday, April 11, 2008

I Think He Wants to Start Paying Their Stipends in Bahts

Several weeks ago, when Steve Perry took over MinneMoney and restaffed it with his own rhetorical hitmen, I started searching the site for any use of the word "depression". To make sure I culled out those posts that referred to the mental state one experiences when reading MinneMoni, I narrowed the search using the string "depression + economy".

Now, I realize that reading MinneMoni for it's business and economics reporting is kind of like watching CNBC for their gay rodeo coverage. But its always fun to watch reporters partisan hitmen who clearly have no idea what their talking about obviously trying to do their part to talk down the economy. Recessions tend to not be so bad (textbook definition: a minimal increase or a decrease in GDP for 2 or more consecutive quarters) until people who are otherwise doing fine financially, buy into the dire reporting of the supposed "economic hell" we're in and stop spending their money opting for modest but relatively safe returns on CDs or T-bills. That partisan economic retards would blow past calling it a recession straight into pimping the idea that were headed for a depression (which is actually just a recession that's really long, especially severe, or both) at least indicates they understand that much. Or they got Howard Dean's memo. Either way, since the major distinction between a recession and a depression is merely a matter of time and degree, and given that we haven't even met the definition of recession yet, tells you pretty much all you need to know about their motivations.

Oh, and apropos nothing, I saw this story in the New York Times today. Money quote, with my emphasis:

The more Mr. Soros learned about the crisis, the more certain he became that he should rebroadcast his theories. In the book, Mr. Soros, a fierce critic of the Bush administration, faults regulators for allowing the buildup of the housing and mortgage bubbles. He envisions a time, not so distant, when the dollar is no longer the world’s main currency and people will have a harder time borrowing money.

Oh, and then there was this:

Mr. Soros said all aspects of his life — finance, philanthropy, even politics — are driven by reflexivity, which has to do with the feedback loop between people’s understanding of reality and their own actions. Society as a whole could learn from his theory, he said. “To make a contribution to our understanding of reality would be my greatest accomplishment,” he said.

Helping people understand reality is one thing. Creating it out of wholecloth is something much more sinister.

Fake ScaifeNet comments welcome.

UPDATE:

My ThunderJournaling colleague and fellow fartblogger Ryan, puts his finger on the reason why those of us who revere reason wish that Minnesota Monitor had a groin so we could kick it there:

What strikes me about MinMon is the near twittering glee in their writing when they're "reporting" on the nation's possible economic downturn. I mean, it comes across as they're actively rooting for it, for the decline of America. Normal people reading MinMon should be pretty well horrified by the nation-hating bilge being posted there. It's one thing to be anti-Bush, but MinMon seems to be rapturously-awaiting bread lines snaking up the streets.

Bingo.

Freaky Fart Friday

I'm all thunder-journaled out, so am resorting to cheap (but nicely produced) bathroom humor.