The Vikings show once and for all they can't even fail correctly by running the table, winning their remaining games, and getting the 8th or 9th pick in the draft, which they use to draft a long snapper.
Planning for the future, the Vikings trade soon-to-be-over-the-hill running back Adrian Peterson for a 3rd and a 4th round draft pick and the nephew of Herschel Walker.
Minnesota Attorney General Lori Whatserface (Hatch?) obtains an indictment and conviction of Zygi Wilf on racketeering charges and has him deported to Sweden even though he claims that he's not from there.
Can we please stop talking about the Vikings?
A drunken 350 pound Viking fan sitting in the upper deck of the Metrodome at the Viking's final home game mistakenly thinks she sees an image of Tim Tebow in her basket of nachos. Overcome with emotion she strips naked during the 3rd quarter, takes to the field and starts humping the east goalpost. The remaining crowd, all bolting for the exit at once to avoid seeing such a thing (though the Vikings losing by 4 touchdowns at the time doesn't help), causes a sudden decrease of air pressure leading to the second roof collapse in as many years. Zygi Wilf, disgusted, doesn't wait until the end of the game to move the team to Des Moines, and also buys most of northern Ramsey County, renaming it "Zygiland" and allowing it to be annexed by Canada. Governor Dayton emerges briefly from his office, says something incoherent to the press, and then crawls under his receptionist's desk to suck his thumb. With nowhere else left to turn, Minnesotans try to become Packer fans only to see Wisconsin's governor mobilize the Wisconsin National Guard to the banks of the St. Croix River holding large banners reading "GET BENT YOU NOUVEAU-HOSER BANDWAGON JUMPERS!"