V

[Several hours later.  Kool Aid Guy feeling better.]

KOOL AID GUY: So what did I miss?

BILL: Well, Apple Computer now makes phones.

KAG: That's good!

BILL: At first you could only use them with AT&T

KAG:  That's bad.

BILL: There was an outbreak of bird flu, followed by an outbreak of swine flu.

KAG: That's bad!

BILL: Both strains killed a total of three people.

KAG:  That's, er...good.

HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA: The President is a black guy now.

KAG:  That's good!

HOAG: He's an unapologetic socialist who is way out of his depth.

KAG:  That's bad.

OBNOXIOUS PACKER GUY: Brett Favre played for the Vikings.

KAG: That's bad!

OPG: He completely destroyed the franchise for years to come.

KAG:  That's... totally expected.

ANALOG KID: This gag was totally ripped off from The Simpsons.

KAG:  That's bad.

Awkward silence.

HOAG: In other news, nobody reads blogs anymore. Wait. [Checks analytics and comments.] Yep. Nobody.

KAG: Why is that?

BILL: Because everybody uses Twitter now.

KAG: What's a Twitter?

HOAG: It's like sending text messages to the world while getting stalked by creepy people.

KAG: Why in the world would anyone want to do that?

[A door flies open.  LEARNEDFOOT stumbles into room.]

LEARNEDFOOT: Why indeed!

BILL: Uh oh.  I feel a rant coming on...

[And scene.]