Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Meet the Candidates

The nomination process for the MOB Mayoral Race is now...






The MOB Mayor is a rich tradition amongst sparsely- to moderately-read Minnesota blogs.  The title of Mayor is a prestigious one. Previous MOB Mayors have gone on to big things like public elected office (Baniaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiian) and oblivion (Johnny Roosh).

Let's take a look at the dregs suckers objects of our ridicule victims candidates.

CANDIDATE # 1: Bobo the Talking Chimp (KAR)

(Nominated by LearnedFoot) Bobo is a regular candidate who has come close to achieving the office in the past.  His lack of success is probably due to a speciesist electorate. Is the MOB ready for a Simian-American Mayor?

CANDIDATE #2: Mr. D (Mr. Dilettante's Neighborhood)

(SOSFL Ruling) Mr. D tried to nominate his sixteen year-old daughter in an effort to avoid the meat grinder that is the MOB Mayoral Campaign and presumably set up a puppet government.  The MOB Secretary of State will not stand for such shenanigans.  Also, 16 year old girls should not be exposed to KAR.  Therefore, Mr. D gets the nomination; and a big fat target on his back.
CANDIDATE #3: John "Master of Sausages" Stewart (Nightwriter)
(Nominated by Leo Pusatositusaterri) This is Mr. Stewart's first nomination.  He has served as the PostMilF Master of Sausages for the past several years and is also the defending Millard Fillmore Memorial Open Championship Golf Outing Classic champion.  Therefore he will be a force to be reckoned with among below-average golfers if he benefits from a generous handicap system.
CANDIDATE #4: Ben (Independent / no blog provided)
(Self-nominated) Ben is definitely a candidate.
CANDIDATE #5: Kevin "Kevie" Ecker (EckerNet)
(Self-nominated) Ecker is a perennial candidate who has lost every single election or award he has ever been nominated for.  On the other hand, the MOB Secretary of State for Life is very close to endorsing Mr. Ecker due to his uncanny resemblence to a Husker Du era Bob Mould: 

Mould (right)


CANDIDATE #6: redsquirrel (Red Squirrel Report)

(Self-nominated) I have absolutely no idea who this guy is.


The following nominees were disqualified from participating in the election for the stated reasons:

* Mr. D's Children (Impressionable minors / obvious attempt to set up a puppet regime)

* Dog Gone (Not a MOBster / annoying comment troll on someone else's blog / contributor to a doucheblog / insufferable scold / nominated by a fictional parody)

* Karl Bremmer (Not a MOBster / contributor to a doucheblog / possibly suffers from several psychological disorders)

* Some Guy's Prolapsed Rectum (Not a MOBster / gross body part)

* Bogus Doug (Term-limited.  Although there may be a loophole here...(looking at attorneys)...no? Our lawyers are telling us no. Maybe.)


I appologize for the quality of the field.  Debates begin tomorrow or, more probably, Thursday.


Ben said...

um I do have a blog, http://hardrockconservative.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Bogus Doug is disqualified? Why you surgically-modified-babe-o-phobe.

You are just projecting your fear of the knife. Admit it.