Thursday, December 08, 2011

Moron Mail

Strap yourselves in. Today's moron can't seem to grasp the import of a common preposition:

I noticed that you referred to the recent serial bank robber as the "Man in Black" ("'Man in Black' changes clothes for latest heist," Dec. 7).

Because that's what the FBI calls him, due to the fact that he wore a black hoodie in previous robberies.

This infers that the robber is a black man, even though you know he's white.

No.  It doesn't.  Allow me:

REMEDIAL ENGLISH FOR THE CHRONICALLY AGGRIEVED

There are threee words in "Man in Black".  1) Man. 2) In. 3) Black.  All three of these words work together to make a description of our perp.  Let's take them in turn:

Man.  A male of the human species; for example, "that person over there with the penis is a man".  This bank robber is a man.

In.  A prepostion used to indicate inclusion within something else; for example, "a man in clothing".  This bank robber wears clothing.

Black.  The color of darkness, obsidian, coal; for example, "THE SWEATSHIRT THIS ROBBER USUALLY WEARS IS BLACK YOU STUPID STUPID MORON!!!!!!"

He was recently shown on the evening news wearing a yellow jacket, but is still being referenced as the "Man in Black" and not the "Man in Yellow."

See linked article above.

Please state the news clearly and accurately. This is a white male robbing people.

You can criticize the Strib all you want, but referring to a robber as the "Man in Black" who was nicknamed by the agency investigating him as the "Man in Black", is pretty straight-up reporting. Perhaps the letter writer is insinuating Eric Holder is a racist?

Perhaps you will do a story on the harm this type of racism causes.

I hope not.  If you give crazy people what they want, they'll just want more.

Once you research the subject, you may find that your writers will be more careful with their rhetoric. I know journalists value accuracy.

SOOZ GIBBONER, STILLWATER

I am researching the subject now.

...

...

Ok. Done.  When I hear "Man in Black" two things pop immediately to mind.  And this has been confirmed by an incredibly scientific Google image search.

1) The movie "Men in Black":




 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Men in black movie poster.  Note:
one "man in black" is "white".
 
2) Johnny Cash, the original Man in Black:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Johnny Cash: notorious white guy.
 
Note that neither of those things is racially tinged in least because I - and I suspect everybody other than some knee-jerking bitty in lily-white Stillwater - knows what the meaning of "in" is.

3 comments:

Leo Pusateri said...

The only logical progression to policed 'politically-correct' speech is Farenheit 451.

The only real racist people I know (those who see racial undertones where no one else sees it) are liberals.

Snifty said...

How many inane, babbling comments do I have to leave to get nominated for Moron Mail?

I've given it my best, Foot; throw me a bone!

Kevin said...

Do you realize you've previously responded to an LTE by this crazy woman???

http://koolaidreport.blogspot.com/2005/11/can-someone-help-me.html