This new weekly(?) KAR feature is brought to you by the good folks at Apple Valley Liquors: the place to buy booze if you're in Apple Valley, and you are me.
When rating whiskey (or anything for that matter) the one thing you need is an inflexible rating system that weighs certain irrelevant aspects of the thing being rated as importantly as the relevant ones. And no scale fits that bill better than the one Chad the Elder over at Fraters Libertas uses to rate beers he gets for free (the bastard).
For some reason, whenever I see Chad employ his rigid beer-tasting rubrics, I am reminded of this famous cinematic moment:
Since I have nothing more relevant to whiskey to go by on such short notice, mainly from lack of looking, we'll just have to crib the beer tasting Protocols of the Elder for our purposes today.
So our whiskey of the week is the new 2 Gingers Irish Whiskey. 2 Gingers is distilled in special batches in Ireland (in the good and holy part; not the sodding limey scum part) as directed and imported by local publican Kieran Folliard, owner of The Local and Kieran's Irish Pub in downtown Minneapolis.
Clear glass bottle with the name printed vertically down a brown label. Kieran's signature appears over an Irish flag. The bottle has a screw cap with a thread that strips easily meaning you can't fully tighten it. The neck has an aesthetically pleasing bulge in it too. Overall, a nice looking bottle that appears well-suited to pouring its contents into a glass or flask. However, if you are going to pour it into a flask, I suggest using a funnel.
STYLE: Irish whiskey.
Alcohol by volume: 40%
COLOR (0 to 2): Brown. Like whiskey. 2
AROMA (0 to 2): Smells like whiskey and alcohol. 2
HEAD (0 to 2): There is no head. It's whiskey. Good lacing. 0
TASTE (0 to 5): Strong whiskey flavor on the pull. There's more of a bite to it on the palate than Jameson's or that other fooking scum-buggering limey Irish swill which name shall appear naught ever on this page. There is an oaky quality that gives an almost bourbony taste; no doubt from being aged in sherry casks. Lot's of heat on the finish. Eminently drinkable. Unlike the whiskey's moniker, this baby's got soul! (I'm sorry, but there are a lot of people waiting for that joke, and I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't give it to them. I personally find redheads to be hot, soul or no soul.) 4
AFTERTASTE (0 to 2): I could set the carpet on fire with my breath. 2
OVERALL (0-6): Wait. Didn't I just already rate every aspect of this spirit including it's fooking color? This seems redundant and duplicative. I'll just add up the scores I already gave. 10
TOTAL SCORE (0-19): 20