Thursday, January 12, 2012

The 2011-2012 Mayoral Debate Series: Question 3 - Closing Arguments

BREAKING NEWS: KAR has just learned that Bobo the Talking Chimp has suspended his campaign for MOB Mayor.  Sources close to the campaign tell KAR that he had an inappropriate relationship with a banana.  Bobo has only released this cryptic statement.

On to the final debate question.

RULES: Candidates may answer the following question in the comments to this post, or on their own blogs with a link back to in the comments to this post. I know the typical KAR reader doesn't fully apprehend the concepts of "leaving a comment" or even general engagement, but I have faith that they will somehow figure it out. Poop fart poop fart booger wiener.  Vagina.

QUESTION: Which ONE (no more, no less)of your fellow mayoral candidates is the least suitable to be MOB Mayor? Please explain why this person would be an embarrassment / pose an existential threat to the art of blogging / just sucks in general.  DIFFICULTY: You may NOT use capital letters, punctuation and the letter 'b'.

Please not that this is the final debate question.  Initial polls will open Monday.  Good luck to all the candidates.  Except that squirrel guy, whoever the hell he is.

12 comments:

Mr. D said...

the paperclip should sodomize eckers car it would get millions of hits on youtu#e a marketing tip for you foot

my answer will arrive this evening

Mr. D said...

and the answer to this question resides here

Kevin Ecker said...

least suitable is kevin ecker as he would almost certainly go on a shooting rampage regularly and decimate the population of thunder journalists in minnesota

as a result we would have left half assed thunder journalists like mr d the sausage guy squirrel guy and the persons name who I cannot mention

he also talks about himself in the third person

poop fart

Night Writer said...

history shows that winning the mayorship is the kiss of death for future posting

for the good of all and for posterity and for the children i say it is a crime against all that is right and holy to vote for mister d especially as he is one of the few candidates who actually posts

red squirrel posts but it is not fair to kill off the young ones when they should be indulged and encouraged

im not sure that netanyahoo guy has ever posted so why he is even here is beyond me

ecker does not post but you try to kill him off at your own peril

the only logical and safe and intelligent thing to do is vote for night writer

i trust you will do the right thing

Night Writer said...

check that - reference to that netanyahoo fellow should say why he is even here escapes me

Ben said...

I personally resent having an option of getting sodomized from a paper clip

The person most unqualified to have as mayor is Red Squirrel

no one knows who he is

therefore we dont even know if he is real, he must show up to our meeting otherwise he is disqualified.

One last thing to keep in mind, vote for me or else!

|8ill C said...

i am not even in the running however i have to say that in my esteamed opinion the least qualified candidate is the person who posted immediately previous to me as he failed sixty six percent of the candidate questions stipulations

poop plus fart equals shart

redsquirrel said...

i wish to express my relief that the chimp was disqualified from this election i have friends at dept of home security who tell me that he was using this election as the first stepping stone towards his eventual takeover of planet earth cough cough planet of the apes

now on to question number 3

my internal polls tell me that mr d has a triple digit lead

so with a generous campaign
contribution cough cough russian mafia i hired the opposition research team of howie smearum and purchased a octjanuary surprise campaign ad here it is

cue ominous scary music
who is mr d
acoording to factcheck he recieved a d in accuracy
in sept he posted an incoherent 4000 word rant in favor of the presidents attackwatchdotcom entitled the president finally fights the attackers
in another post mr d mistook governor mark dayton for geoff peterson craig fergusons sidekick

do you trust mr d to lead our organization?

john hinderacker himself told me that if mr d wins this election he will move to canada

cue patriotic music
i am redsquirrel ethically challenged candidate and i am not voting for mr d and i approve of this message thank you

redsquirrel said...

oh crap i put in a question mark

redsquirrel said...

oh crap contribution has a b in it

ima real gaffe machine

its time to schedule a press conference and announce that im suspending my campaign exactly 10 minutes after the final results are announced

as of now i announce my support for mr d

thank you

redsquirrel said...

Candidate Ben commented that no one knows who I am.

My real name is Joe Deal. RedSquirrel is a character, sort've like Joe Soucheray, "Mayor of Garage Logic".

I'm a member of the MOB. I share posts on the facebook wall. I make fun of the news, and pimp my artwork thru my blog.

I entered this race strictly for fun....and more pageviews.

I am a resident of the Twin Cities, grew up in Northern Mn.
graduated from Greenway (of Coleraine) H.S. in 1983. BFA in fine arts from MCAD in 1995.

thank you.

Mr. D said...

one might consider hinderaker moving to canada a win

your mileage may vary