Friday, January 20, 2012

Attention Lefty-Bloggers: Meet the New Guy Who Tells Everybody in the MOB What to Write

The polls are closed, and for the first time in MOB election history, we have a winner on the first round of balloting.

But first, let us pause to make fun of the also-rans:

ECKER -  13 votes; 18%.

We all knew Kevie would finish in 2nd place.  That's because the saying goes "nice guys finish last". There were 4 other guys below him.

STEWART - 12 votes; 17%
I know John to be a great guy, which makes me think that his failure here was that there were many voters who misunderstood the meaning of the "Master of Sausages" moniker.

REDSQUIRREL - 7 votes; 10%

Early analysis of exit polling indicates the Redwombat, or whatever his name is, managed to vote for himself 7 times.

BEN - 2 votes; 3%

Early analysis of exit polling indicates that Ben was too incompetent to vote for himself more than 2 times.

And so our runaway winner and new Mayor of the MOB, with 38 votes (53%), is Mr. D of Mr. Dillitant's Dillatantes Dellattante's D's Neighborhood!

[polite applause]
It's not hard to see the reasons behind Mr. D's historically successful campaign. [BEGIN TRUE NORTH-WORTHY ACTIVIST INSIDE BASEBALL QUOTE] He had a solid ground game in a low-turnout year, with enthusiastic volunteers phone banking and caucusing with a microtargeting strategy that increased his voter ID efforts.  Lit drop. [END TRUE NORTH-WORTHY ACTIVIST INSIDE BASEBALL QUOTE]
Mr. D may assume the office immediately, wielding his power like a spiked mace made out of nerf.  That's inflatable.
Oh, and he also gets to display this totally copyrighted logo on his site:

There will be a swearing-in ceremony at the Winter MOB Party at that Mexican joint in Roseville on February 25th.  Hopefully that takes place before the recall efforts begin in earnest.


Mr. D said...

I’d like to thank everyone for their support. I’ll be in touch with you about the lucrative patronage opportunities in the coming days. One thing I’d like to announce at the outset — I’m strongly inclined to keep John Stewart in his position as Master of Sausages. I’d also like to thank outgoing Mayor Roosh, although no one is certain of his whereabouts at the moment. More anon.

Bill C said...

In the spirit of MN and WI politics of the last 1-2 electoral cycles, I demand a recount. I'm sure Ben is in full support of this.

(BTW, kudos on using the wacky aliens meme guy in the pic up there.)

LearnedFoot said...

The MOB SOSFL is all about the memes.

redsquirrel said...

Congratulations to Mr. Dilettante on a tremendous victory.

I should clear something up. I voted only twice for myself.... and payed 5 friends to vote for me.

I was wondering what kind of music they're cranking out at Mr. D.'s victory party:
a. Celebration....Kool And The Gang
b. Stars And Stripes Forever
c. The MOB Rules....Black Sabbath

Swiftee said...

Dude, you totally owe us a nice pie now.

Atomizer said...

I've been disenfranchised. I haven't read KAR for weeks and didn't even know there was an election. My vote must be counted!!! I demand a re-count, a re-election and/or a reefer. My vote WILL be counted!