Thursday, June 01, 2017

Top 11 Highlights of Governor Dayton's Budget Veto Letter

Yesterday, in a now-familiar display of puerile tantrumatics (it's a word now), Governor Mumbly McDipshit item vetoed the appropriation for the Legislature, effectively defunding an entire branch of government.

When a governor takes action on a high profile bill, s/he will often send a letter to the legislative branch outlining the reasons for the veto (or, less commonly, reluctant approval). Here are what we imagine to be the top 11 highlights in the governor's veto letter which may or may not exist. File under "fake but accurate."


11. No capital gains exemption for sales of Renoirs.

10. Stick figure drawing of the Speaker of the House with stink lines coming off him and a label that read "poopey but" (sic).

9. Governor was bitter that his demand for funding a new stadium to lure an Overwatch League franchise was not included in budget.

8. Tax bill did not contain a Fidget Spinner Tax Credit.

7. The Department of Revenue is more important than the Legislature.

6. Budget bills are boring, and Dayton didn't want to have to read them any more.

5. "Mmmrm ze berjhert frrr therm rish."

4. Wanted to see if item vetoes were still valid if they were done in crayon.

3. Upset that the budget did not contain an appropriation funding a job retraining program for former governors who have no life experience or marketable skills other than the ability to draw from a trust fund.

2. No subsidy for kombucha breweries.

1. "Special Session" sounds like a treat for good boys and girls.

WE WIN!!!

KAR has outlasted Fraters Libertas. Suck it Chad!

Now to take out that farging Nihilist...