Monday, February 28, 2005

"Signs, signs, everywhere the signs...": A Drive Through the Twilight Zone Update

I told our regular readers back in December that I would keep them updated on the outdated campaign signs that populate the neighborhood near my place of business. As a recap for those regulars, and as a briefing for those new to KAR, I work near a neighborhood in Minneapolis that seems to have a disproportionate number of domiciles still sporting campaign signs; from 2002 as well as 2004. It would seem that for these people, movin' on is difficult.

Well, they're still there. The homes I featured in the last post on the subject still have the same signs, and a couple new ones have popped up. I wanted to highlight one in particular that warrants extra attention. I have no qualms about putting this up for public consumption, as it seems that's the goal of the resident or residents of the home. We at KAR are just giving them an additional venue for their opinions:

In case it's too hard to read, the homemade sign says:

The Arrogance of Bush has caused:
  • 1000+ American deaths
  • 100,000 Iraqi deaths
  • A waste of $200 billion
  • A loss of international respect (I know because I drive by it all the time, and have seen it 'sans snowdrift.'

I'll bet the people in this abode are afraid to come out when it's raining.

Moron Mail, Mo' Moron Mail and a Moron Mimicking Moron Mail (Miserably)

The DFL Powers That Be decided that Congressman Jim Ramstad is to be this week's target. Unfortunately, the DFL muckety muck in charge of coordinating the left-wing letter-writing mill must be on vacation.

First, we have Jim Ramstad the noble maverick who has the courage to stand up to those other knuckle-dragging troglodytes that call themselves "Republicans":

But how are Democrats and Republicans supposed to find common ground when Republicans are governing from the far right? The Republicans have taken over Congress and the White House, and their control of the media is so secure, why should they compromise?

Ramstad sounds like one of that rare breed nowadays, a moderate Republican. If he could persuade his Republican colleagues to move toward the center where compromise might be found, perhaps the "partisan warfare" would diminish.

Beth Gilman, Eden Prairie.

Shame on Rep. Jim Ramstad. It's obvious that he is a RINO (Republican in name only).

With his pragmatic thinking and moderate talk, it's clear he will be challenged in the 2006 primaries by a Republican with higher moral standards, a strong antigay marriage message and a bombs-away, flag-waving agenda.

Jay Boss Febbo, St. Paul.

Jay Boss (if that is his real name) is yet another snarky lefty who hasn't learned that sarcasm doesn't translate well to print.

Onward. Next we have the Jim Ramstad who is himself a knuckle-dragging troglodyte:

For many years, I was a Jim Ramstad supporter. I believed he was a moderate and bipartisan voice in Washington.

But the last four years have proved me wrong. His votes with the radical right-wing element of his party have left me shocked and utterly disappointed.

Over the past four years, Ramstad has supported a foolish and overpriced war in Iraq, supported irresponsible revenue cuts that have left our country in a fiscal crisis and voted for cutting funding for many social programs that help poor women and children out of poverty.

It's time for a new congressman in the Third District. We can't believe Ramstad's calls for bipartisanship any longer.

Mark Heaney, Minnetonka.

Ok. It's no news flash that lefties are profoundly confused. But c'mon.

Actually we see here again of that popular leftist tactic - er "line of BS" is a better phrase - that the left is actually the center and the right is "extreme". That being the case, the Democratic party is the de facto Party of the Center.


Here's one example: name three pro-abortion Republicans in prominent or national offices. Ready? Go!

Wow, you're quick. Ok here's part two: name three pro-life Democrats currently holding prominent or national offices.

[crickets chirping]

Nuff said.

Quick aside: please don't pepper me with comments or emails pillorying me for insinuating that to be "pro-choice" is to be centric. That was not my intent. I just mean to illustrate that the party which owns the intractable ingrained ideology is not the Republican Party.

Moving on. You may recall that a certain lefty blog was granted an exemption from the KAR policy against LearnedFoot-inflicted bashing some time ago (no link - it's embargoed). One of the 8 or 10 resident spittle fleckers on this blog actually attempted a rip-off of our Moron Mail(TM) regular feature, which is reproduced here in its entirety:

This letter appeared in today's Star Tribune:

Tax and ban?

Does it seem ridiculous to anyone else that the state of Minnesota is
looking to raise money with a cigarette tax at the same time it is trying make
it more difficult for people to smoke?

How can the state justify taxing a product it doesn't want anyone to use?

I'm glad I live in Wisconsin.

Bob Strong, Hudson, Wis.

Apparently, Bob has never heard of using taxes to change consumption habits, which is kind of funny because that's been one of the primary uses of taxes throughout history.

Hey Luke: can you talk down to this guy A LITTLE FRICKIN' MORE?

I bet Luke, the expert on taxation policy, doesn't even know the difference between an "above the line deduction" and a "below the line deduction". But he's a liberal and he is so gosh-darn-smart enough to 1) misapprehend the point of the quoted letter; and 2) use the occasion to lecture the writer on his stupidity.

And they wonder why we hate them.

Anyway, I think the point of Bob's letter was to question the sanity of creating a tax-revenue stream that is designed to become extinct by its very own terms. Revenue that the lefties would happily incorporate into the general budget. Revenue (and here's the important part) that the lefties would demand be replaced when it eventually dries up, to continue one or another of their moonbat programs.

Leave the letter fisking to the pros, Luke.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

UPDATE: Nihilist v. Wetterling

Patty Wetterling shocked the local political world with an announcement she made on Friday, which carried all the hallmarks of Wetterling's self assuredness and steadfastness that Minnesotans became familiar with during her last bid for political office:

In the upcoming weeks I will form an exploratory committee to further look into this option [of running for the U.S. Senate].

When probed by reporters as to why - OH WHY - she considered running for the Senate rather the 6th District US House of Representatives seat - a nomination she was all but guaranteed - she shocked the press conference attendees:

My focus, as always, is to determine where I can best advocate for children(*) and families.

Regarding the offer of Wetterling's proposed governmental largesse, Children and Families could not be reached for comment. They were too busy living their lives.

When pressed by reporters as to what her stance was on other issues facing the country, like the looming Social Security crisis and the war against Islamo-fascism, she replied, "Huh?"

Wetterling's other likely opponent in the Sixth, A Chocolate Cupcake, refused to comment on this development.

We here at Nihilist for Congress Headquarters are keeping an eye on this, and will keep you posted...

* Other than children that haven't yet been born. Kill as many of those as you like.

Saturday, February 26, 2005


CAUTION: The following post is rated R for obscene language and violence. If you are offended by semi-censored F-bombs, please do not read this.



{...or is it?}




Clinton says Bush is draining military

The eight years of the Clinton administration were remarkable for the number of military units and pieces of strategic and tactical hardware that were deactivated or decommissioned. By anyone's accounting, the Clinton years were to the military, intelligence, and general defense sectors of the U.S. Government what the Black Death was to Medieval Europe.

Now, Clinton has the chutzpah to declare that President Bush is putting a "drain on our military." Isn't that a little like Pol Pot blaming his successor for the sudden and acute labor shortage in Cambodia?

Let's look at the record, shall we?
  • 18 Army divisions down to 10 during Clinton administration
  • 24 wings in the Air Force down to 13
  • 600 ships in the Navy to less than 300
  • Massive cuts to intelligence services and assets

President Clinton was responsible for a wholesale dismantling of the defense of this country, and he says Bush is draining the military? Next thing you know Ol' Bill will be saying Bush is putting a strain on the White House intern staff.

Somewhere, Nicko McBrain Is Crying

You people really need to start paying attention.

I'm sure that the overriding sentiment regarding my Iron Maiden fascination is that it is a rather amusing / annoying riddle, wraped in an enigma, boxed in a non sequitur. I'm sure this is not far from the truth.

However, I understand that Thursday's Keegan's trivia game featured the question: "Who is the lead singer of Iron Maiden?" I was predictably appalled that there were some who read this blog that got that question wrong. Nobody who reads this blog had any excuse to miss that question. Why, just...makes me...

Cue the Bruce Dickinson Air Raid Siren sounder. just makes me want to cry
And throw my hands up to the sky.
-Iron Maiden

Sure the whole Iron Maiden thing might seem trite or goofy. But when it costs you a free beer...

I hope you all have learned your lesson.

The Fraters team, and anyone else who missed this question is sentenced to memorize the liner notes from the 1998 special edition re-release of the Powerslave CD.

PS I understand that there may be some who hypothesized that Bruce Dickinson was in fact my name. This is evidenced from New Patriot types showing up on my referral list using the google search words "LearnedFoot" and "Bruce Dickinson" in a futile effort to identify me so that they can harrass me, like the jackbooted thugs that they are. I know that regular KAR readers are much more intelligent than that; right?

I can't wait to start seeing "Nicko McBrain" and "LearnedFoot" searches showing up on my referrers list. Those New Patriot folks are just too clever.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Selective Indignation

Selective Indignation

Before I take the Star & Sickle to task for today’s editorial, I will first concede that the ad in question, which I have not seen, is certainly ridiculous as described. What pisses me off about the S&S, in this case, is the selective indignation they apply.

To say the AARP got the “Swift Boat treatment” is to ignore the obvious – which they are hoping their readers will do. The Swifties may have achieved great results from their campaign – the claims of which have never been refuted and, in the case of Christmas in Cambodia were actually confirmed by no less than John Fing Kerry – but they sure as hell did not invent the tactic.

If such tactics do raise the ire of the S&S editorial board I must ask the following questions of them:

1. Where were you when and other like-minded Leftist organizations were claiming W is a terrorist and is on a par with Adolf Hitler?

2. Where were you when Terry Mcauliffe and Michael Moore were on the campaign trail claiming W was AWOL and a deserter?

3. Where were you when that group of washed-up Hollywood lefties took to the stage at a Kerry fundraiser, the one where Whoopie “The Hack” Goldberg grabbed her crotch and used W’s surname in a way normally reserved for late night cable?

4. Where were you when JFingK took the microphone at the conclusion of the show and proclaimed Whoopie and the other Lefties to be “the heart and soul of America?”

5. Where were you when W signed the paperwork to have all, repeat all, his National Guard papers released while your guy, FingK was refusing to do the same?

6. Where were you when George Soros – who made his fortune in a way any good Leftie would condemn if Soros were not himself a good Leftie – pledged he would spend any amount of money necessary to defeat W?

No need to answer. I know where you were. You and all your leftie buddies were sitting in your smoke-free, scent-free, purified-air-filled rooms writing the next editorial that you hoped would prove – once and for all – that W was at one time both the dumbest and smartest man ever to occupy the Oval Office.

You are a sad a pathetic lot.

I must now leave. I’m off to Central Minnesota for a hockey tournament. Thing I plays right wing and has 4 goals in his last three games. Thing II also plays and has a scrimmage tonight. Thingette is still too young and, well, the Thing yet to be named is still 3 months from taking his/her first breath.

Notice how we brilliant writers weave in personal information without the reader even noticing? Pretty good, eh?

See ‘ya Monday.

Classic LearnedFoot

I have the afternoon off because of childcare issues with LittleFoot #2. When he takes his afternoon nap I will use the occasion to fulfill my civic duty and submit to the Annual Government-Required Anal Rape. Most people call this "doing their taxes".

Because LittleFoot #2 was born last October, Mrs. Foot and I should be over-withheld because of the extra personal exemption and credit we get. Thus I am expecting the respective state and federal governments to be releasing a large sum of our own money back into our custody. Most people would call this a "refund". It's not. A tax "refund" would be more like a situation where you would go to some government customer "service" counter and say, "I-494 sucks. I want my money back".

Therefore, probably no more blogging for me today (and I usually take Saturdays off too unless something really enrages me).

So instead here are a couple of old posts that I published long before most of you were reading the KAR:

This is one of my personal faves, and is destined to become a Christmas Tradition along the lines of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, Manheim Steamroller concerts and returning wretched gifts from your in-laws.

And here is my very first Nick Coleman fisking. Yeah it's a little raw, but it was like the 2nd or 3rd thing I had ever posted.




Thursday, February 24, 2005

Mo(ron) Finally Gets it. Or does She?

I’m not going to bore you with her entire column, but Mo(ron) Dowd’s latest contains the following: At the dawn of feminism, there was an assumption that women would not be as severely judged on their looks in ensuing years.

What a stupid, stupid assumption. Why is it stupid? I’ve taken the liberty of rewriting Mo(ron)’s sentence below as a means of illustrating:

At the dawn of feminism, there was an assumption that women could change millions of years of human development. That we could change men from the mouth-breathing, boob-ogling, sex-starved people (two consecutive days without sex constitutes starving) they are into people who crave warmth and conversation. That we could make them into people who want to cuddle and journal, who want to get in touch with their feminine side. Who do the dishes because the want to, not because they want some.

So, my dear Mo(ron), how do we solve this little problem. First, you and your feminist pals need realize that nature is nature and you can’t make the earth reverse its orbit.

Second, you need to understand why the only men who seem interested in feminist women are more feminine than the women themselves.

Third, use nature to your advantage. While you and your feminist friends have been spending the past several decades trying to deny the source of your power (sex) over men, the smart ones have been playing it to the hilt and are much happier for the effort.

Give it a shot. After all, does it really matter why he does the dishes?

Moonbat: Dean Scream a Hoax

Fire up the Bruce Dickinson Air Raid Siren...


When all you see can only bring you sadness...
Out on the sea of madness.
-Iron Maiden

Come to think of it: that lyric can describe just about anything heard from the left nowadays.

So I was trolling around the Sea of Madness that is the Democratic Underground Homepage (DUH) today - always a rich source of material - when I came across a link to this op-ed by one Edward Wasserman in yesterday's Tallahassee Democrat. Duct tape your head before you read it.

Apparently Howard Dean's demise was the result of a concerted effort by the right-wing media.

[Here, LearnedFoot pauses briefly to allow the laughter to die down]

No really. He's serious.

Wasserman begins by minimizing Rathergate:

Still, it's never clear why some media wrongs are made into a big deal while others slip by. Take the CBS "60 Minutes" report on Bush's military nonservice: The story itself was old, the dubious evidence was of dubious importance, and the broadcast had no discernible effect. It became a major scandal anyway.

So to Wasserman, using forgeries to advance a bigger lie ranks low on the continuum of malfeasance, probably around the same area as perjuring yourself in a sexual harrassment lawsuit deposition.

And here begins Wasserman's thesis:

In fact the Dean Scream was a fraud, probably the clearest instance of media assassination in recent U.S. political history.

Then Wasserman launches into the familiar lefty gimick: don't believe your lying eyes:

Last year, a young cable news producer attended one of our twice-yearly Ethics Institutes at Washington and Lee University, in which students and journalists gather to discuss newsroom wrongdoing. He brought two clips.

The first was the familiar pool footage of Dean in Iowa. The candidate filled the screen, no supporters were visible. Crowd noise was silenced by the microphone he held, which deadened ambient sounds. You saw only him and heard only his inexplicable screaming.

The second clip was the same speech taped by a supporter on the floor of the hall. The difference was stunning. The place was packed. The noise was deafening. Dean was on the podium, but you couldn't hear him. The roar from his supporters was drowning him out.

Dean was no longer scary, unhinged, volcanic, over the top. He was like the coach of a would-be championship NCAA football team at a pre-game rally, trying to be heard over a gym full of determined, wildly enthusiastic fans. I saw energy, not lunacy.

The difference was context.

POINT THE FIRST: Wasserman is a freaking hypacrite. Don't lecture us about "context" when you douchebags rarely include it in order to facilitate your insulting of conservatives. See e.g., Dan Quayle (the Murphy Brown and potatos/potatoes flap), George W Bush (just about everything that he says or does), and er, LearnedFoot (for having "just discovered" letters to the editor, and the drooling Power Line defenders' comments on the satirical "feud").

POINT THE SECOND: Regardless of whether the audio was enhanced and the picture reframed, Dean still said what he said, and did what he did.

POINT THE THIRD: Wasserman may be the only person on the planet that thinks that some imaginined "context" would make Dean any less of a nut. He could have been speaking to a group of mumbling mental defective zanies, and he still would have come off as insane. And everybody knew he was speaking to a crowd of Deaniacs after losing in Iowa. Come to think of it, it's pretty much the same thing.

POINT THE FOURTH: We didn't need to see Howard's Howl to realize that he was a barking moonbat. One needed only to look at his stance on the issues.

POINT THE FIFTH: Dean's dismal finish in Iowa came before his famous gaffe. He was a loser all the way. Everybody knew it. The overplay of the howl on the TV news did nothing to harm his campaign and merely confirmed what those of us with intact frontal lobes already knew: Howard Dean was (and is) a wild-eyed, unelectable, certifiable whack job.


Wednesday, February 23, 2005

KAR Customer Satisfaction Survey

Dementee has been contributing for a week, and already two of his posts have been Trackbacked.

Mine: nada. Not even a comment.

Thanks a lot people.

No, seriously. Thanks for nothing.

[LearnedFoot is now on the floor, in the fetal position, sobbing]

Sigh. Where's the love?...

Anyhoo, the positivity towards Dementee probably makes it safe to poll our readers on his performance. The new poll can be found in the regular spot. One vote per computer per day.

I'd like to be alone now.

I think I'll go read my e-mail. Maybe Hinderaker wrote back...

Oh Crap!

One major impediment to the Vikings' Super Bowl aspirations has been removed.

Maybe Coach Meathead will use that high draft pick for a wide receiver. Here's hoping...

Laugh Out Loud Stuff

The letters below, printed in their entirety, made me laugh. Apparently the Star & Sickle is good for more than nothing.

The lost elms
You're in the car. The landscape turns foreign. You can't place what's missing; the mind has no room for sheer absence.
On Pascal Avenue, four stumps sit like enormous fungi, ashamed. More on St. Clair, at the rise of the hill. More everywhere.
The amputations evoke memories of the first wave of loss -- years ago. Tears, always, and loneliness, still, for our elms. How can we sleep for thinking of the empty spaces? How do we breathe, deep and slow, minus their hovering?
Suzanne Swanson, St. Paul.

Stumps that sit like enormous fungi, what the hell does that mean? Are we talking big mushrooms?

‘Tears, always, and loneliness, still, for our elms. How can we sleep for thinking of the empty spaces? How do we breathe, deep and slow, minus their hovering?”

Am I to believe that this hyper-emotional woman is actually lonely for a freaking tree and that she suffers insomnia and breathing difficulty because it was removed?
Just a guess, but I'm betting the Kerry Edwards and Wellstone! signs still adorn her front yard and that her husband - if she has one - wears the skirts in the family.

What to worry about
Worrying about Social Security in the year 2050? How absurd. The way we're burning up the planet and its resources, we'll be lucky to last the rest of this decade. In 2050 our worries will likely be super storms with 200-mile-per-hour winds and hailstones the size of basketballs.
Don Johnson, Minneapolis.

Hey, Don, suicide is an option. Not that I advocate it, but with your doomsday attitude, we’d all be better off if you whacked yourself and stop burning up all those resources you’re so damned worried about. Leave a little more for me, if you know what I mean.
Personally, I’d love winds of 200mph. I’d slap on the old in-line skates and, just like when I was a kid, nail a sheet between two wooden dowels, catch the wind and ride it for all it’s worth.
Too bad Suzanne and Don will miss it. The first will be writing lousy prose while the second sits in his bunker trying to decide between cyanide and arsenic.

It's Time to Flush This Political Correctness Crap

I've reserved comment on the firestorm surrounding Harvard president Larry Summers. You'll remember Larry as the guy who suggested that the dearth of women in engineering programs had to do with "inate differences" in ability between the sexes. I was waiting for the situation to achieve critical mass. I believe we have reached that point. Here's a quote from an article today regarding a faculty meeting on the matter:

Government professor Susan Pharr said she spoke in the meeting, which was extended 30 minutes to allow for more debate, about the damage caused by Summers's remarks to efforts to recruit and retain female scholars.

"Changing his ways will be very difficult," she said afterward. "I think people need to step back and digest what's been said before we know how this will all turn out."

So an otherwise intelligent man suggests that women generally might not be as good at math at men. Obviously this man needs a lobotomy.

Yet no one (on the left) has bothered to ask the question: is there any truth to Summers' assertion. Nope it's just dismissed as being wrongheaded and sexist.

Here's yet another illustration of the lefts inability to think critically. See a pattern yet?

This is how nuts we've (er, they've) become.

No wait! I have a better Nickism: The TRUTH is BURNING.

Gee whiz! Men and women are different. There's a revelation. Of course, to those of us with functioning brains, it's just common sense.

For example, say that I were to play a one-on-one basketball game against a female like the Token Female Blogger Jo. And by that I mean the 22 year-old version of LearnedFoot, not the current beer-bellied desk-jockey heavily ear-haired version.

In any event, chances are good that the lithe and athletic LearnedFoot (who at the time could grab the rim) would mop the floor with Jo.

On the other hand, if Jo and I were to engage in a contest of say, linen folding, Jo would humiliate me.

That noise you hear is the sound of the heads of visitors from New Patriot exploding.

The point is, men have different stuff in them than women. In this example, men possess a sports gene, while gals have a monopoly on the doily gene. Oh yeah, and there's that whole child-bearing thing too. Why is it controversial to say so?

Want more evidence? OK. How about this exchange between Mrs. Foot and me that occurred shorly after we bought our new house:

Mrs. Foot: What color should we paint our bedroom?
LearnedFoot: Green and gold!
Mrs. Foot: Uh, no. What color shoud we paint the baby's room?
LearnedFoot: Green and gold!
Mrs Foot: Isn't there a basketball game on or something?

So common sense be damned: they are not interested in "truth". They think "truth" should yield to self esteem. That's why when they are shouted down for making moonbat comments like Churchill's "little Eichmanns" they shiek "FIRST AMENDMENT! LEAVE ME ALONE". They posture themselves a martyr by virtue of yelling to anyone who'll listen that the moonbat's freedom of speach is under assault by the chattering masses. But when someone else publishes a book like The Bell Curve, that person is castigated as a bigot.

Time for a remedial course in constitutional law:

Lesson #1: The Constitution provides no individual right to not be offended, or to self-esteem. (This is the most apt argument against atheists who say that a nonmandatory pledge of alegiance in schools is de facto coercive, because it shames unwilling kids into participating.)

Go ahead. Look it up. I'll wait.

Lesson #2:


But I digress...

If "feminists" were really interested in expanding educational opportunities for women, why not focus attention on the areas that women generally find more interesting, rather than trying to continually jam round pegs into square holes? Why is nobody asking why there are so few men majoring Child Psychology, Education or Human Resources?

Because TRUTH is not nearly as important as self esteem and the politics of identity.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

No attack plan...yet

President Bush said today that there are no plans to attack Iran, calling the notion "simply ridiculous." The president was speaking from Europe, which would face a much more imminent threat from a nuke-infested Iran than would the U.S.

I recall that during the year-and-a-half runup to the invasion of Iraq, the president said on more than one occasion that there were no plans on his desk to attack Iraq. That wasn't to say that there were no plans, they just weren't on his desk. Obviously in that situation the president needed to hold his cards pretty close to the vest, although signs of an impending clash were being telegraphed to the country, Saddam, and the rest of the world in more subtle ways.

I do not think an Iraq-style invasion is in the works for Iran, but you can bet your last Francl that there is a plan, and more than one likely, for the U.S. to intercede militarily before the mullahs get the bomb. Think bunker-buster. Think B-2 Stealth bomber.

There is real comfort in knowing that we have a man at the helm of this country who means and does what he says. And I recall him saying that Iran will not be allowed to develop a nuclear weapon. I take him at his word, and so should the mullahs.

Live from New York, It's Kofi Annan

As found in the WSJ online today. Of all the problems with the UN, and the good Lord knows there are many, Kofi wrapped them all into a nice little nutshell at the top of the second Paragraph of this attempted ass covering: “...I have served the U.N. all my life.”

‘Nuff said.

Well, not really. I’ve plenty more to say and intend to do so.

Kofi writes: “... a strong U.N. is of vital importance to humanity.”

What self-important hogwash. This little creep needs the U.N. because he’s never held a job in the real world. Humanity existed for thousands of years before the precious U.N. came along and I dare say it will continue to exist long after this great debating club has ceased to be.
Kofi writes – in regards to the tsunami: “But a week later, when all involved came together in Jakarta to plan and coordinate the multinational effort, everyone, including the U.S., agreed that the U.N. should take the lead. Why?”

Certainly not for the reasons you state Kofi. As I recall, after the blowhard U.N. rep made an ass of himself chastising the US and other countries for not doing enough and after you returned from your vacation (why didn’t the left rip you the way they ripped W? After all, this is just the type of disaster you folks live for) you jumped into the fray and left no doubt that you would not allow any other group to take over relief efforts. Seems to me the US was doing a damn fine job of providing food, water, etc., while you were still trying to find your ass with both hands.

Any luck yet?

What about Iraq?

Shall we start with your assertion that, “Those who favored military action against Saddam Hussein were disappointed that the Security Council did not--as they saw it (emphasis mine)-- have the courage to enforce its own resolutions.”

As they saw it, Kofi? I can only assume you saw it differently through your Macalester-educated, pacifist eyes. I see 17 resolutions, each one warning Saddam that he should follow the previous ones or face consequences. How many should there have been? 25, 50, 100, more? Come on, Kofi, if you did have the courage to enforce the resolutions, when were you going to show it? When Saddam was on death's door?

Then, you have the guts to brag that, “And yet, when the U.S. and its allies wanted an Iraqi body with broad national and international support to help them run the country, they turned to the U.N. and my special representative, Sergio Vieira de Mello, for help and advice. He persuaded L. Paul Bremer that it should be a Governing Council, not a mere advisory body, and he persuaded key Iraqi leaders such as Ayatollah Sistani to let their followers join it. Sergio and 21 of his colleagues paid with their lives for their courage and determination to help the Iraqi people...”

And, my dear Kofi, how exactly did you honor the deaths of your comrades? That’s right. You packed your U.N. steamer trunk and got your ass out of Iraq. So much for being “of vital importance to humanity” you candy-assed twit.

Then, on top of everything else, you bring up the Oil-for-food scandal and try to tell the reading public that, “even if some of the recent allegations made about it have been overblown. The interim report of Paul Volcker's independent inquiry has helped put the Oil For Food program in perspective. Some of the more hyperbolic assertions about it have been proven untrue.”
How can we, the world, know what is and is not true? Volker had no subpoena power, you reviewed and approved of what pieces of the report would be made public, and your bobo in charge made well over $1 MM for himself.

Let’s face it, Kofi, you are in charge of a multi-billion dollar scam with no real accountability to the member nations. You preside over an organization that seats the representative from Libya as Chair of the Human Rights Committee. You lead a club of pampered, elitist, diplomatic bums that couldn’t get real work if they had to. You ride in limos and have your every whim provided for.

What a wonderful life you have, Kofi. Where do I sign up?

KAR FAQ 4 (Accept No Substitutes)

Yep - time for more "B" material. After a one-day red-meat fest in the pages of the Strib, which unfortunately I didn't have much time to dissect, we're back to this.

For the record, I am aware that the Strib published a Molly Ivins article yesterday. Unfortunately, I didn't have the time to read it. Let's just proceed on the assumption that it was her typical cornpone disingenuous crap, and move on.

To the e-mailbag:

Do you have anything more on Franclgate?

No. But I was remiss in not addressing the first comment to his infamous post (no link - embargo):

Whoo. My brain hurts from reading LearnedFoot's reasoned insight and penetrating thought. Has anyone ever used the terms douchebags and a-holes to such blistering effect? Oh, and he's giving Nick Coleman what for; quite the novel idea young man, good show!

The author of this comment is an artist (again - embargo link. However, you can find his site through some forensic linking). Well, some would call what he does "art"; most would call it "crap".

Anyhoo, I appreciate his kind words, and his apparent inability to comprehend that sarcasm doesn't translate well to the written word. Nobody ever accused these people of being smart, though.

As for his observation that I put the words "douchebag and "a-hole" to blistering effect (wading through the sarcassm pool, I think he means I lack class), I offer this quote from Bull Durham (careful lefties - this may require some creative thought to make the connection):

Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.

I'll leave it to KAR readers to determine whether or not I've "won 20 in the show".

What is the most obvious headline or post header that has not been used in regards to the death of Hunter S Thomson? -J. Depp, Paris

"Hunter S. Thomson Leaves the Planet. This Time Permanently"

I see that V-Toed-Bill has started utilizing the "paragraph format" in his posts. How do you plan on needling him now? -Bill, Apple Valley

I guess I'll have to fall back on focusing on his S&M proficiency.

You like to pound on Garrison Keillor from time to time. Do you have any proof that Garrison Keillor is indeed the spawn of Beelzebub , the bringer of doom, the general of Satan's Armies of Darkness bent upon bringing about End Times?

Well, I do have this picture:

ARRRRRRGHHH! That startled me.

I am disappointed that my blog is not a "Flappy Bird" in the TTLB Ecosystem Rankings. I hate being a "Slithering Reptile". Can you help me out? -D. Strom., Eagan

It is my understanding that the TTLB Ecosystem rankings place a great deal of weight on inbound links while deemphasizing actual traffic. It's a crock, but we have to live with it. Here's some love from the KAR. Hope it's enough to give you the bump. Welcome to the aviary!

How can you write such witty and intelligent posts while listening to Iron Maiden? -L. Ulrich, San Francisco

It's not that difficultkjsn lkshb a,bk.kl nald .s/c ngfgfddl /hl

So, Mr. Foot: Boxers or briefs? -A. Stawker, Farmington

That's it. I'm getting a restraining order.

Yourightwingwankernoisemachinedaisychainbloggerfreak! You BLOG-gersssss need to learn your place. I am nobody's monkey! -N. Coleman, St. Paul

I think your problem with us lies in the fact that we now have a voice to shout back at you and your ordained Official Party of Minnesota. It has become a two-way conversation, so you are forced to cede some of the power you once had. Conservatives are not rolling over any more, and you hate it.

MWAA HAHAHAHAHA! Shove it up your francl and turn it sideways.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Read This or Regret it For Life

The next time you hear some SOB Peacenik shouting the drivel that passes, in their world, for intellectual thought, attach this one to his/her chest with a rusty nail.

While you're at it, you can nail this one to the little shit's forehead.

That's it. I'm done for today.

A Presidents' Day Tribute

Most outlets when they do their annual Presidents' Day remembrances focus on the Easy Presidents: Washington and Lincoln. Indeed that is apropos as this day is meant to commemorate those men's respective birthdays. But Presidents' Day has evolved into a day to honor all presidents who have served our country throughout its history. It is in that spirit that on this year's occasion, we at the KAR honor:

Millard Fillmore

Fillmore was our thirteenth president, serving from 1850 to 1853. But it might be indeed difficult to honor a president whose official White House biography begins thusly (emphasis added):

Millard Fillmore demonstrated that through methodical industry and some competence an uninspiring man could make the American dream come true.

Yet the Fillmore administration did have some notable accomplishments:
  • The Senate hammered together the Compromise of 1850 while Fillmore was president.
  • Adolf Hitler did not conquer large swaths of Europe during Fillmore's term in office.

The Whigs refused to nominate Fillmore for another term in 1852. After that party's demise, Fillmore ran again for president in 1856 as the nominee for the newly formed Know-Nothing party. The bid was something less than a smashing success. This was pretty much the end of Fillmore's presidential aspirations.

But he stayed in the limelight throughout the Lincoln presidency as one of Honest Abe's most vocal critics. Fillmore vehemently opposed the Civil War which he often called "reckless" or "a quagmire". He chastised Lincoln's conduct of the war ceaselessly, always demanding that Abe "lied" about the South's "Cannons of Much Destruction" program. One of his lesser known ad hominem attacks on Lincoln - calling him a "Stovepipe hatted homo" - continues to fuel rumors about Lincoln to this day.

Fillmore's Know-Nothing party ceased to become a political force shortly after his death in 1874. But their philosophical descendants carry on to this day using a similar moniker: "New Democrats".

What a Fun Week This Will Be

With the Secret Bush Tapes and their taper, Doug Wead (ain't that a great name) making the rounds, this promises to be a week full of fun as the Left does their best to use W's own words against him. From the clips I've heard, W has nothing to worry about and the good folks of the Left are at great risk of making asses of themselves...again.

The next thing you know, someone will produce nudie pictures of W as a baby and claim them as proof of his penchant for pornography.

Who needs reality TV?

Syl Jones: "Minnesotans Are a Bunch of Fire-Breathing Redneck Racist Klansmen"

But of course the Star Tribune resident race-baiter is not a bigot. Just meander around his latest bucket of vomit in today's Strib:

People around here consider themselves egalitarians -- a euphemism to cover jealousy. They may have DUIs, attend strip clubs and have numerous stays at local rehab centers. They practically invented mooning, binge drinking and the middle-finger salute. But your résumé, your marriage and your video rental records had better be spotless.

The second rule is, "Remember Your Place." You will hear that said indirectly during your tenure here many times, just as you will also hear the phrase, "This has nothing to do with race." Drop a nickel into a bucket each time it's said and you'll soon be able to build that new stadium in Anoka County.

You see, the Great Chain of Being has been disturbed by the simple fact that you have the financial ability to purchase the beloved Minnesota Vikings...

That Taylor is rich might annoy the hell out of some folks but, hey, at least he's the right ... oops. I was about to say something impolite, and nothing is more important than being polite in public in Minnesota, especially for a black man...

Understand something -- this is the place where the inmates in charge of that asylum known as KFAN radio routinely launch cowardly attacks against former Vikings Coach Dennis Green in absentia. This is the place where, when Daunte Culpepper throws an interception and the Vikings lose, Minnesotans line up after the game to call in and castigate the Pro Bowl quarterback as "just not smart enough to play the position." And this is also the place where the big bad Randy Moss has gotten the media so riled up they can't wait to see him traded. Of course, none of this has anything to do with race.

That's Minnesota. My advice: Ignore questions about whether the Vikings mascot will now be forced to wear dreadlocks. Keep Moss. Fire the Great White Hope Mike Tice, who is without a doubt the best offensive line coach ever to demonstrate the truth of the Peter Principle.

May this Aryan Superman deign to ask you a question Syl? Why the hell are you still living here? By my count, this is the 7,593rd such diatribe castigating all Minnesotans (strike that; all WHITE Minnesotans) as black-hating throwbacks to the Jim Crow south. Why don't you move?

Try Liberia. If racial hatred is so bad here in uber-tolerant Minnesota, I would imagine it would be even more unbearable to live in other parts of this country where folks are not as quick to hold their tongues.

Of course Syl, my writing this is probably evidence to you that I'm one of the worst racist bastards in this God-forsaken den of bigotry we call "Minnesota". Bite me.

With friends like these...

This 'secret Bush tapes' story should be able to bump itself into Sisyphus' Top 11 Liberal blogswarms this week. Unfortunately for the moonbats, this will prove to be a non-starter. There is only intrigue and a desire to get to the truth when that truth is being supressed, and this president doesn't operate that way. In fact, a thorough beating of this horse might just have the opposite effect the left desires. But they love 'secret tapes' stories, so watch as this thing gets lots and lots of play in the MSM and left o' center blogs this week.

V-Toed-Bill goes out on a limb and predicts this will be a nothing come next Monday.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Hackneyed Legal-Political Analysis from LearnedFoot

The first salvo in the tort reform movement advocated by Bush was passed by Congress this week. Although I have not read the new law, nor do I intend to, the law is said to force certain class-action suits into the federal courts, ostensibly limiting the popular plaintiffs'-bar practice of "venue shopping" in such suits.

Something smells here.

First, where the hell was the shrieking and wailing and gnashing of teeth from the Democrats over a bill that purportedly harms one of their key constituencies (plaintiffs' lawyers)? For a bunch of moonbats who have been SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER over a bill that not only hasn't been written yet, but whose contents are still up for debate (Social Security reform), why was the first time I heard of this law the day the bill was sent to the President?

Second, does this bill toss the plaintiffs' bar into the Briar Patch? All through law school, I noted that the professors I had whose legal field concerned tort law in one way or another always alluded to the "fact" that juries in the federal system tended to award bigger verdicts.

Third, this bill passed too easily. Only 27 "nay" votes were cast in the Senate (and I am presuming that these votes were all cast by Senators from the moonbat wing of the Democrat party). Are the moonbats saving their political capital for the coming Social Security war?

Sorry - too much gravitas. I throw y'all a bone:

Barbara Boxer is a big, green, crusty booger.

Ahhh. That's better.

UPDATE: I just consulted my old law school notes. I retract the assertion about federal court juries giving plaintiffs bigger awards. Apparently I had it backwards. Defendants like federal courts, plaintiffs like state courts. Hey, Nick, here's a teachable moment...

Of course, this does nothing but magnify my other points.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!

LearnedFoot was right: It has been a strangely slow week for blogging. I have had glimmers of posts come to me, and then leave just as quickly. Inspiration can be so fleeting. It's times like this that we at KAR go back to our roots; back to the well that never runs dry. It's time to dissect another letter to the Star Tribune. I didn't have to go far into the letters section this morning to find an ignorance-laden diatribe. And this writer uses one of my favorite movies as a metaphor to illustrate his point, so I am doubly indignant! But I digress:

Perplexing indifference

"Thank you for publishing Maureen Dowd's excellent Feb. 18 commentary ('Bush's own Barberini Faun'), and for continuing to reveal the truth behind the Bush administration's Wizard-of-Oz-like charade.

As an ethics professor at two Minnesota universities, I am continually perplexed by the interest my students express in President Bill Clinton's behavior vs. President Bush's. Students are still mesmerized and appalled by Clinton's Oval Office daliance, yet refuse to see even a hint of an ethical issue in how the Bush administration blows smoke."

David Kaiser, St. Paul, MN.

Well David...remember when Dorothy asked the Scarecrow, "What would you do with a brain if you had one?"? Let's start with this 'daliance' term that lefties are always using to minimize Clinton's reprehensible behavior. Let's pretend that it was not a member of the American media that got wind of the Lewinski affair, but instead an agent of a government unfriendly to the U.S. You see David, when a president decides to conduct himself in the manner which Clinton did, he can open himself to the possibility of blackmail and extortion. And the conditions for keeping it hush, hush would probably be more than mere money. Remember the whole imbroglio regarding Clinton's Chinese espionage problems? Coincidence? Responsible, morally strong leaders don't do 'daliances' David.

And then I just love how this guy is so 'perplexed' that students would be appalled by Clinton's behavior but not Bush's. Yeah, why would intelligent young people be appalled that a president would treat the Oval Office like the grotto in the Playboy mansion, but not be appalled by a president who has liberated two countries and freed 50 million people since 2001? I don't get it! Why would students think it fascinating that a president would lie to a grand jury, but not be repulsed by a president who feels humbled by the support of the American people, and who has returned dignity and honor to the office?

Perplexing indeed.

A Note for New Patriot and Power Line Bobos

Please go away.

We preach to our choir, they preach to theirs. The difference is that we here at the KAR actually have a sense of humor. I am willing to bet that there are some of you who actually believe that: a) the Congressional Democrats have enlisted The Count as their spokesman; or b) it's a vicious lie concocted by V-Toed-Bill.

We don't want you here. You dimwits look at each individual post as a discrete entity, like a newspaper article. In fact this blog (like most others) is like a comic book; you usually will not understand the present panel unless you have taken the time to read some of the previous ones. Coupled with the fact that none of you possess any critical reading skills or one shred of a sense of humor, I would just prefer you all be on your way. We don't need your traffic. We don't want your traffic. And frankly, while the Haloscan gods (that would be Footronious, the god of lucidity, V-Toedneo, the god of Photoshop, HTML and men who look 10 years younger than they actually are, and the twin goddesses of inspiration Michelobea and Guinness) quite enjoy butchering your moonbat comments, it is growing tiresome.

Please blow it out your respective francls and bother somebody who gives a crap about your ill-informed opinions and insults.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Clinton: "Count em' up!"

FEBRUARY 18, 2005 - NEW YORK - Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-New York, today announced the formation of a blue-ribbon panel to help promote her Count Every Vote Bill of 2005. The panel will be headed by The Count of Sesame Street fame, and will endeavor to make sure that in future elections, every vote that is cast gets counted. The Count, who has been on hiatus from public television for the past few years was eager to help the effort. "I have never counted to more than 100 on any of my instructional segments with the kids on Sesame Street," said The Count. "I don't even know if I can do it, so this should be an ideal situation for me."

The bill is co-sponsored by Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., a vocal opponent of the 2004 election results. It is rumored Boxer will soon name the recently convicted Scott Peterson to the task force to address voting by convicts and ex-cons. Among the major initiatives of CEV will be a proposal to have the right to vote extended to ex-convicts, who cannot vote in most states.

The Week in Review

This was a rotten week for blogging. With the exception of a lively midweek moonbat bloodletting, there was very little to chastise, mock or fisk. I had to delve into my "B" material and came dangerously close to utilizing the veritable "nuclear football" of "C" material. That would not have been pretty.

Well kids, what did we learn this week?

1.) We learned that Iron Maiden rules;

2.) We learned that it is not a good idea to piss off someone that has even an ounce of Sicilian blood in him;

3.) We learned that Nick Coleman has a fake blog, yet remains a very real tool;

4.) We learned that Power Line remains bent on domination of the local AM airwaves no matter how many corpses they leave in their wake;

5. Speaking of Power Line, two recent comments reveal that the left does not have a monopoly on humorless, mouthbreathing dregs with the IQ of a French fry (emphasis mine):

I think that your criticism of Powerline is very unbecoming. I can almost assure you that the guys at Powerline have heard of neither you nor any of the other hack bloggers in your pathetic association. Hopefully you and your 15 readers get a kick out of this amateur stunt. I've got one word for the emotion you are feeling: Jealousy.


If Powerline is the golden calf of blogs, your website is the shit-covered worm. Powerline > KAR by a factor of 10000.

Powerline Reader

Any "hack bloggers" out there care to comment on these remarks?

5.) Finally, we learned that the best way to get the KAR guys to pee on the campfire and call the dogs is for moonbats to starve the beast by keeping their mouths shut.

But I'm not too worried.

UPDATE: And Footronius, the god of lucidity just shook his head in pity. He summoned his muse and bid her to transform the planted Power Line comments into a more honest confession of their authors. The muse did Footronius' bidding. And he viewed her work, and saw that it was good.

Short & Sweet B'cus I’m Off for The Weekend

I found this one at Fox News. It’s another illustration of how disconnected the Left is from the real world.

Mission: Impossible?
Thirty-five Greenpeace (
search) protesters got more than they may have bargained for when they stormed the International Petroleum Exchange in London on Wednesday. According to "The Times" of London, they slipped into a closing door and then roared onto the trading floor, blowing whistles and sounding foghorns.
They were hoping to paralyze oil trading at the exchange. But the traders, most of them under 25 years old, rushed the protesters, pushing filing cabinets on top of them and kicking and punching them until they retreated. Twenty-seven protesters were arrested. Two were hospitalized, one with a broken jaw and the other with a concussion. One protester says, "I have never seen anyone less amenable to listening our point of view."

Have great weekends, individually and/or collectively.

Defending Hinderaker / Slamming Hinderaker

Once again Nick Coleman has forced me to the distasteful task of defending a Power Line guy. For the 15th day in a row, Coleman illustrates his artless inability to see the similarity between "Hinderaker" and "Hindrocket" coupled with his reluctance to do anything remotely resembling research. As clueless as the day he wrote his first libelous article, this morning Coleman again used the "Assrocket" joke and seems to think that a Hindrocket is a sort of bottle rocket.

Let me educate you, Nick. I know stuff.

A HIND is a military chopper (that's a "helicopter," Nick, in case you didn't know) that looks like this:

And Nick, see that thing that appears to be shooting off of the HIND's wing? That's a rocket. It's used to blow stuff up. Hence "Hindrocket".

Do you get it now? Dumbfrancl.

Now lest people think that I am being too easy on our nemeses on the right, I give you this. It's yet another outrageous snub of their partners with whom the Power Liners do a generic "Saturday Afternoon Radio Show".

If any NARNies wish to join NAAPALM, instructions for doing so are immediately below.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Iron Maiden and NAAPALM

[Cue Bruce-Dickinson-air-raid-siren sounder]

...As idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean. -Samuel Taylor Coleridge via Iron Maiden

There is nothing to lash out at today. Fodder for bombast is in short supply. Fortunately, my 2 new Iron Maiden CDs arrived in the mail yesterday, trebling my collection. So I can do a half-baked review.

Piece of Mind. Many metalheads consider this IM's breakthrough opus, comparing it favorably to even Powerslave. With such high expectations, I was rather disappointed. There are a few excellent songs intermingled with a few unremarkable ones. Maybe a few more spins may warm me to it.

But that's unlikely to happen anytime soon because Somewhere in Time will be parked in my CD player for a long time. From the opening strains of the frenetic "Caught Somewhere in Time", to the life-affirming "Wasted Years" - a song so inspiring that it could convince the most wretched depressive to remove the gun from his mouth and embrace life with zeal - to the closing power chords of "Alexander the Great" (yes, a heavy metal biography of Alexander: gravi-fricking-tas!), Somewhere in Time grabs you by the short hairs and transports you to Metal Nirvana. It's a pulse PUMPING SHOT OF ADRENALINE THAT WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO STRAP ON SOME GUNS AND INVADE IRAN AND TAKE ON THOSE BASTARDS ALL BY YOURSELF - AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee!

[LearnedFoot has left the keyboard and is now moshing around his office shrieking the chorus to "Wasted Years" at the top of his lungs, getting most of the words wrong.]


Speaking of incendiary items, The Blogger Formerly Known as Jo writes today:

Dear Kool Aid Report,

I have snubbed Powerline (purposely no link here) by dropping them down to the regular blogroll and moved you up to the top of the food chain in the Attic.Can we consider ourselves members of N.A.A.P.A.L.M. yet or is there some other strange ritual one must endure to obtain a link on the prestigious blogroll?

Why yes, TFB, there is one more ritual you must perform:

1) You must first desecrate a copy of Garrison Keillor's Homegrown Democrat. (To honor Brothers Sisyphus and NIGP). Fire is preferred, but urine will do.

2.) Find a copy of the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy. Prop it up next to your monitor so your gaze will continually be fixed upon it while you type. (To honor Brother Gigl.)

3.) Now the important part: you must publish a post of no less than 50 words explaining why Power Line's arrogance pisses you off. You must provide at least one specific example to support your thesis. The essay must include each of the following components and qualities:

  • No matter its length, the post must be one continuous paragraph (To honor Brother V-Toed-Bill);
  • You may not at any time actually use the name "Power Line" or any derivative thereof when referring to that blog (to honor Brother Gary for enduring the disgraceful and blatant snub by Power Line of the blog most impacted by Mark Dayton's decision not to run);
  • You must incorporate a line from an Iron Maiden song off of either the Powerslave or Somewhere in Time albums (to honor LearnedFoot. If you are unfamiliar with their work, there are about a bazillion websites that have such information. Failing that, you can always contact the Foot for guidance).

4.) Finally, once you have published the post, you must dump a full martini on your keyboard (to honor Brother Doug.)

If you complete this task satisfactorily, we shall commence the initiation process, which entails:

1.) The quaffing of the Flagon of the Malted Beverage of Fraternity; and

2.) The Spanking of Discipline.

Uh, one moment...


OK, our attorneys inform us that the spanking would be a bad idea. So we'll replace that with an extra quaffing of a Flagon of Fraternal Malted Beverage and a placement on the NAAPALM blogroll by Bill.

Go forth and make us proud, TFB.

Anybody else want to join the club?

Good Things from the Star & Sickle?

Two things the S&S can be praised for are Reusse and Souhan. In today’s column, Jim Souhan does a masterful job of exposing Minnesotans for the rubes we are.

I find it amusing that we continue to look to people like Reggie Fowler and Red McCombs to be our sports saviors. All Red had to do was start chanting “Purple pride” and the group hypnosis was underway.

Damn, we are a gullible lot. Red, Reggie, Norm Green, Lou Holtz, the list goes on and on and on...

But, then, we’re the same ones who bought the argument from Gov. Jesse that if we didn’t commit our own tens of millions of dollars to the light rail line, the federal dollars promised would go to another state. Aitn’t that kinda like buying cat food on sale when you don’t have a cat? Sure, you saved a few bucks, but what you got for the money spent is worthless to you.

Wake up folks. The Twin Cities may be the 14th largest media market in the country, but we are as small town as River City in The Music Man.

A Blogwarming Gift for the Vagina Monobloggers

Let's face it women have it tough. During their lifespans they have to endure menstrual cramps, labor, hot flashes and men who will not, no matter how much you beg or nag, get around to installing that new shelf in your son's room. At least the girls now have a single place where they can vent.

So in that spirit I offer the VMBers (it's my blogroll and I'll call you whatever I want) a small gift to alleviate the burden that is womanhood. There is one aspect of being a woman that is even worse than those I mentioned above.

You have never known the joy of writing your name in the snow.

Since you don't have the apparatus for such a pursuit (or, presently, the snow for that matter) I offer you this, the next best thing. (Requires Flash)

Congratulations ladies. Enjoy your new home.

(Kool Aid toast to alert reader Denbo).

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Thanks for The Welcome

Thank you to LearnedFood for the warm welcome and to V-Toed-Bill for inviting me to join this fine blog. Like my esteemed colleagues, my primary goal is to poke fun at the Left by exposing the folly of their ways.

My philosophy on all things can be boiled down to the concept of simple vs. simplistic. The idea stems from the speech Ronald Reagan gave, in support of Barry Goldwater, which is widely credited with launching his political career.

In that speech, Reagan stated, and I paraphrase, “they say the world has become too complex for simple answers. I say they are wrong. There are no easy answers, but there are simple answers.” For example, deciding to defeat Nazism was simple, doing it was not, repeat not easy.

What does this have to do with simple vs. simplistic? Take the case of Korea Kim and his nukes. Deciding to use force – economic, military, etc. – is the simple (not easy) answer. What the S&S endorses – the carrot approach – is simplistic in that, if one is to take this approach, one must believe that Kim will act in good faith to dismantle his nuke programs if we ply him with aid.

The approach is simplistic because it ignores hundreds, if not thousands of years of human history. He is a bad guy and bad guys can’t be bought off – remember Poland?

It is simplistic because after the carrot is accepted he will redraw the line and the S&S will propose holding out another carrot. Remember the “Framework”

It is simplistic because they so believe in the underlying goodness of even the most heinous sociopath, regardless of the facts in evidence. Remember the gnashing of teeth following 9/11, “Poverty causes terrorism. It’s US policy toward Arab countries.”

It is simplistic because it doesn’t solve the problem, it merely delays the inevitable. Remember when we prosecuted the original bombers of the World Trade Center.

I think you get my point; Simplistic will get you killed.

So long for now, I hope you enjoy my contributions.

Of Polls, Plagiarism and Pubic Blog Names

I've cleaned up the moonbat blood and entrails. Now on to some overdue business.


When asked what torturous activity was better than listening to Air Nick, the responses ranged from:

masochistic: 13% chose the papercut tobasco bath and 8% chose unnecessary surgery; to

disgusting: folks who would eat their own eyeballs as part of the Denny's diet before making sweet, sweet love to Helen Thomas accounted for 27%; to

suicidal: 17% would take a ride off a bridge with a rosy-nosed Ted Kennedy.

But by far the most disturbing - and indicative of how bad Nick's show is - 30% of you would attend a Hinderocker-led blogging conference (sponsored by No Doz, Tylenol and Planters Almonds -Now with 50% more cyanide!) I suspect that there are some who really would enjoy such a conference.

You people are sick.


During the latest M&A frenzy that resulted in the new MOB all-female blog, I suggested an incredibly clever name: The Vagina Monoblogs. I was quickly dismissed (I suspect it had much to do with my annoying habit of constantly possessing a penis). The girls have a poll going as to the name thing, without my suggestion appearing. So I'll poll for it here. One vote per computer per day.

KAR: Now with even more bloggy goodness

Dementee is here. Be nice to him. If you're not, he may try to kill you.


Power Line has published its first frequently asked questions (FAQ) feature. Mitch followed suit by posting his own today.

Gee guys, wherever did you get that idea?

I understand Power Line's theft -they're pure evil. But you, Mitch? And we're still not on your blogroll. Don't make me go Power Line on your ass....

Korea Kim and The Carrot

The lefties at the Star & Sickle today suggested President Bush hold out a carrot to Korea Kim and ask him nicely to put down his nukes. I agree, to a point.

In my world the carrot will have a lead pipe insert and W will beat the little bastard over the head with it.

Let’s get real, shall we. Kim didn’t violate the noted Clinton/Albright Framework because he didn’t get the promised aid. Like all good Commies, he had no intention of living up to his end of the bargain.

The only thing this guy understands threat of violence and death. It’s how he runs his country and it’s how W should deal with him.

As usual, the S&S illustrates one of the glaring problems afflicting the left; if we simply play nice with our enemies they will like us.

One problem, two answers. One answer is simple, the other simplistic

Oh, And One More Thing...

In that same dysenterious splotch of a post by Luke, he solicited a quote from Joel Bergstrom, the letter writer in the middle of all this, to see if he had any insults for yours truly. Among other things Joel said (no link - the embargo is in place):

Interestingly, he does not address the content of the letter itself, the main question of which is: how does Ortman propose to pay for this?

Fair enough. You can read Bergstrom's letter here, but here are some highlights:

...Sen. Julianne Ortman, one of the rising stars of the Taxpayers League...

Unfortunately, the Taxpayers League still controls the agenda of the governor and the House.

Maybe we can all sell a little more wrapping paper during the holiday season. That seems to be the Taxpayers League's preferred method of funding public education -- why not pay for law enforcement in the same way?


Constituencies Joel Bergstrom and His Ilk Deem Worthy of Having Advocacy Groups to Lobby on Their Behalf:

The Elderly
Endangered animals

Constituencies Joel Bergstrom and His Ilk Deem Unworthy of Having Advocacy Groups to Lobby on Their Behalf:


Stop painting the Taxpayers League as a bete noir out to eat Minnesota's children. As long as the only solution you folks have to offer for every issue is raising taxes in an already highly taxed state, you will continue to become the Incredible Shrinking Party.

One more thing. In Luke's post, Bergstrom was also quoted as saying:

On this letter in particular I was not representing the views of SD60, but myself...

Yet it sounded like any other DFL news release. Whatever. Y'all can kiss my francl.

Hey Strommie: how 'bout some love?

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Luke Francl: The Knee Jerks Faster Than the Brain Works

So I write this little post last week pondering the overrepresentation of letters from DFL officials in the letters to the Strib editor section. On the way I gave a passing "hello" (and nothing more - certainly not a "jab") to a fellow blogger. You know: a little goodwill to my fellow blogger; a little boost to the lefty blogger's TTLB Ecosystem ranking.

That's a mistake I will not replicate. I have never attacked a lefty blogger before and had never planned to. I figured we were kindred spirits of sorts. We scream. They scream. The 1st Amendment's working. It's all good. Too bad one lefty blogger had to go and ruin this tense peace.

Said lefty blogger Luke Francl, er, got his panties in a bunch and posted this nonsense.

Oh no! What's that I hear? Could it be another...Yes it is (cue sounder: Bruce Dickinson imitating an air raid siren). It's time for another out-of-nowhere:

Somewhat Relevant Quote of the Day

He threw down the glove you made the mistake/ Of picking it up, now you're gone...He'll tear you apart as soon as you start / You know you don't have a chance. -Iron Maiden

Before I begin, you will note that Luke's rhetoric carries several indications of some character flaws that we have come to expect from the left:
  • An apparent lack of critical reading skills;
  • An inability to read things in context;
  • Utilizing the above two points to twist the words of their opposition so as to effectively paint a grotesque caricature of their opponent;
  • A general lack of a sense of humor; and
  • Despite these shortcomings, an unshakable belief that they are the smartest damn people on the planet.

How to to fisk..

I could start with the juxtaposition-reveals-the-hypocrisy fisk:

First Francl writes:

First on my take-down list is Yet Another Insufferable Right Wing Lawyer/Blogger, "LearnedFoot" of the Kool Aid Report, which specializes in bitching about the opinion page of the Star Tribune.

Later on in the same post he writes:

In the middle of sliming Senate District 60 DFL chair Joel Bergstrom as a "vomitous mass", LearnedFoot throws in an offside jab at yours truly, so I couldn't resist responding.

So Luke, what are your views on "sliming" others? Are you for it or against it? Or only for it when it's you doing the sliming?

And while we're here: what exactly is an "offside jab" anyway? Is that a jab that crosses the blue line before the puck? In any event, if you viewed what I said in that post as a jab at you, then you are even more paranoid than most liberals.

Oh, and by the way: I may be called a lot of things, but anyone who knows me or has read more than two sentences of my blog would not call me "insufferable".


Ok, how about the parsing-the-language-with-a-logic-overlay fisk. Luke writes:

Those of us who are both activists and private citizens have to be able to separate our activities, because being an activist is not the whole of what we do.

So how then are we know which of those separate personas is writing the letter or the commentary? It's called propaganda, Luke.


No that just doesn't seem satisfying enough. How about we just let the moonbat speak for himself.

Being a nuanced liberal, Luke doesn't miss an opportunity to condescend. Apparently concerned that I don't possess the ability to use an internet browser, Luke sent me an e-mail to summarize his post:

Dear Mr. LearnedFoot:

I was very impressed with your discovery that activists use newspapers' letters to the editor to forward their ideological agendas. This revelation is of great importance. I believe you should report your findings to the Minnesota GOP at once.

Yours truly,
Luke Francl

Of course, people who read all the words in my "Moron Mail" posts understand that my point was not that Democrats, or anyone else for that matter, shouldn't write letters to the editor unless they are purely independent of any organization. The point was (and those of you who can read above a sixth-grade level can skip this sentence because you already know) to communicate a suspicion that Democrats were employing an organized effort to wrest control of something that is not theirs for use as their own organizational megaphone by flooding the editorial department with letters to create a skewed picture of public sentiment.

Writing thoughtful letters to the editor on the issue of one's choice is fine. Flooding the editor's mailbox to stifle debate is just plain lame. And I'll call you on it; if for no other reason, to illustrate your side's lameness.

What Luke and his ilk like to do is twist reality to fit their ends. Read the posts that Luke objects to here and here. Does it sound like I just "discovered" that moonbats like to write letters to the editor as Luke avers? Yes, you must read all the words and actually engage your brain a little bit. Does it really sound that I'm "shocked -- shocked -- to discover that activists use letters to the editor to promote their agendas!" No, that's just Luke playing the liberal distort and insult card.

You see, Luke. Bill and I started this blog back in November because we were tired of people like you constantly shouting us down as morons because we possessed a particular ideology. Then we have condescending arrogant jerk-offs like Nick Coleman constantly using column inches in a large-circulation newspaper to tell the state how evil we are.

This blog is to shout back at the likes of Nick and you, Luke. Nothing more. You call us drooling morons, we'll call you drooling morons. You condescend to me, we will condescend back to you.

Don't hate the player, Luke. Hate the game.

So congratulations, Luke; you have just been added to a long list of KAR running gags in the spirit of the Power Line Feud, Nihilist for Congress, my inexplicable fascination with Iron Maiden and the satirical excerpts from the Nick Coleman show.

Yes Luke, the LearnedFoot just kicked your francl.

Monday, February 14, 2005

A Question For Our Readers

How hard should I metaphically body slam this mental midget? Or would it be too an unfair a fight?

Closed circuit to Luke: thanks for that one hit you sent my way.

The Molly Ivins Parallax

I was not feeling real good last Friday. I could not attribute it to anything in particular like the flu, a cold, or indigestion. I just woke up with a general malaise, and felt rotten all day. It was much like the feeling I had during the two terms of the Clinton Administration. Then I remembered: I read a Molly Ivins article the night before! I felt a little better for at least having identified the source of my malady.

I learned from LearnedFoot (that's fun to say!) that one needs to read Ivins with previous columns of her's in mind. The troubling aspect to this is that one must read multiple Ivins columns in order to have, at a future date, recollections of previous Ivins columns. This I have done, which may explain the dizzy spells I have been having. Last Thursday's offering was full of the usual hatred and disgust she holds for the president, and this time it was for a potpourri of issues. At one point however, Ivins turned her pen at the president's 2006 budget and its radical cuts to social programs and entitlements, invoking Hubert H. Humphrey:

"Hubert Humphrey said, 'The moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children;'"

I could hear LearnedFoot's voice, ala the disembodied voice in Field of Dreams eerily whispering:

"Remember what she said."

Remember what she said? Ah, the past columns thing. I knew all I would have to do was google Ivins and her stand on abortion, and I'd have the makings of a decent post.

"Go the distance!"

What? Oh, right. I no sooner had entered the words Ivins and abortion in my search when I came across this Ivins statement which seemed to contradict the HHH sentiments:

"Over 335 new state laws restricting a woman's right to choose have been passed in the last eight years. Eighty-seven percent of U.S. counties have no safe abortion provider. Twenty-four states have mandatory delays and state-prepared anti-choice propaganda."

So here we have another example of what I am calling the Ivins Parallax. She is a shape-shifter, a chameleon who will change her tune depending on what President Bush happens to be advocating or championing at the given time. If he were fer abortion, she'd be agin' it. If he were agin' cuts to social programs, she'd be fer em. That is the Ivins Parallax.

"Ease his pain."

Oh shut up!

The Softer Side of LearnedFoot or Invective-Spewing Bomb Throwers Have Feelings Too

Happy Valentine's Day, Mrs. Foot.

I love you Sparky!

Fake Nick Coleman Blog Gets Publicity From Real Nick Coleman

A snippet from the Nick Coleman Radio Craptacular this morning (the critical portion of this is not made up, but paraphrased from memory):

Dimwit Sidekick: ...gigglegigglegigglegigglegiggle

Coleman: It's 8:35. Let's go to the traffic report.

Traffic Reporter: This hour's traffic report is brought to you by the Carpenter's Union, A.F.S.C.M.E, the Teamsters, Education Minnesota, the AFL-CIO and the IBEW. The light rail line is running on time today. Back to you Nick.

Coleman: Thanks. Back to the evil bloggers. They're a bunch of right-wingwankersinadaisychaincreatingaright-wingnoisemachine. Wankers. Have you seen

DW Sidekick: gigglegigglegigglegigglegiggle...

Coleman: These guys almost took it too far. If I ever encounter them, I'd like to kick 'em where it hurts, if you know what I mean...

Uh Nick. One-third of the trio running this rather funny parody-blog, probably would not be harmed too badly if you were to practice your form of kung fu on her. As a matter of fact, I'm quite sure that if you ever did try to assault her, she'd just roll her eyes at you and then proceed to rip your lungs out and play them like bagpipes.

And Sisyphus would just stomp on you.

Closed circuit to Sisyphus and Nihilist: please note and appreciate how I didn't partake in the obvious gratuitous genitalia-related joke at your expense inherent in Coleman's statement. You're welcome.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

It's Not That We Think You're Unpatriotic - But There's No Other Way to Describe People That Want to Turn This Country Into Cuba

The constant murmuring from the left that us on the right label "dissenters" as unpatriotic is one of the most annoying strains of kool aid BS around. They style themselves as heroic victims or martyrs by accusing the administration of labeling those that disagree with its policies as unpatriotic. I am still waiting for these drooling socialists to point out a single instance where anybody in the Bush administration averred anything of the sort.

I'm still waiting...

[Crickets chirping].

This kool aid made another appearance in the letters section of today's Strib in this flaming turd of a letter responding to a previous op-ed about the ethics of war:

Warmest thanks to Jeremy Iggers for daring to raise the most urgent moral question of our generation, "Is the U.S. military guilty of war crimes in Iraq?" (Op Ex, Feb. 6).

I expect Iggers will be thoroughly vilified by "patriots" who rush to damn him. They unthinkingly confirm his point: Just to raise the issue is practically impossible in the overheated atmosphere of American jingoism.

Few societies not under totalitarian rule can boast of such lockstep conformity of thought (or lack of it).

In a democratic society that respected the rule of law, a number of high-ranking U.S. government officials -- from this and previous administrations -- would face indictments on crimes against humanity.

As reported this month, the United States stands virtually alone in opposing action at the United Nations that would bring those guilty of atrocities in Darfur before the International Criminal Court. The reasons are plain enough: The U.S. government resists giving any legitimacy to a court where its own officials could be accountable for crimes against humanity.

History will not judge this generation kindly.
Neil Elliott, White Bear Lake.

Ok Neil. Let me see if I can be clear about this; right after I check to see if you are an official DFL bobo...

[Sound of LearnedFoot googling]

Ok, Neil's clean (well, he is an associate professor of "Women's Studies" - readers can take that for what it's worth.)

America was founded on the principles of sovereignty, personal liberty and free enterprise.

Moonbats like Neil advocate membership in a "world community," as evidenced in his letter, the subordination of the self to the commune by compulsion of the government rather than through charity, and cheer every setback in Iraq because the see it harming the current president.

So yes, by standing against the very tenets that America was founded upon and cheering military failures, these people are in fact "anti-American".

When you love this country more than you hate Republicans, Neil, we can talk.

Until then, get bent.

An Open Letter to the Left-Wing Fraud Machine

Dear Douchebags:

It has now been over three months since the 2004 Presidential elections. After yet another humiliating defeat, your officials, mouthpieces and various bobos went forth and pontificated to anyone who would listen that even though you lost again your party would "ensure that every vote is counted". That was a clever diversionary turn of phrase. But I'll get to that in a moment.

Do you realize that in the entire modern history of this union, the only major instances of electoral fraud I can muster have been perpetrated by your side? Be it the local political machines that dominated cities like Chicago, Teamster ballot-filling-out parties, or the stolen presidential election of 1960, the word "Democrat" has always been synonymous with "electoral sleaze".

But you guys went running around, in many cases before election day, shouting "Republicans are stealing the election! Irregularities! Intimidation! Long lines in black neighborhoods!"

Psychologists have a term for this: they call it "projection". This is the act of accusing another of the character flaws of the accuser himself. It's like a kleptomaniac calling an innocent person "thief".

Well, a-holes, you were all purple faced over the prospect of Republican electoral fraud based solely on the quite compelling evidence that "you lost" and nothing more. Meanwhile, your shenanigans were well documented in East St. Louis, Washington state, and now in the ever-inflating scandal being unraveled in Milwaukee. Just to illustrate an example of actual evidence of electoral fraud, because y'all are too stupid to figure it out or too evil to care, would be, oh say, votes cast exceeding voter rolls by as much as 5% in 24 heavily democratic precincts. How about if I just quote an anecdote from the newspaper:

In the case of Ward 297, the logbook showed 590 more voters than votes, and in Ward 314, the books showed a difference of 507 votes. Both wards voted at Jericho Baptist Church, 1923 N. 12th St., on the city's north side.

Having lived over half of my life in Milwaukee, I can tell you with almost 100% confidence that none of those overvotes went for Bush. Republicans who happen into that particular neighborhood tend to get shot. Or they are just stopping by to purchase some cocaine.

That's evidence. "We lost so the system is screwed up or they cheated" is not.

Other evidence of Democrat electoral mischief, in Milwaukee alone, includes:
  • The bribing of homeless people with cigarettes to vote for Gore (2000)
  • College students admitting to television news reporters that they voted several times (2000)
  • The sons of two prominent Milwaukee democrats slashing tires of vehicles rented by the GOP to take indigents and shut-ins to the polls on election day-eve. (For the record, one of the tire slashers, the son of US Representative Gwen Moore, is named Supreme Solar Allah.)

So you can see why we laugh at you when you say you want "every vote counted". Of course you do - "every vote" includes fraudulent ones too. How dare we disenfranchise dead people!

Well I think that you folks are at the end of your run. No longer will you be able to fashion yourselves as the defenders of the franchise while simulaneously trying to wreck it. Because we're watching you now.

And aren't you guys just a little concerned that you even have to cheat at all? Here's the quick answer: as long as the Joe Liebermans are the exception and not the rule in your party, you guys will continue to lose, and lose badly. Well, now you'll lose even worse because you guys won't be able to cheat any more.

But I'm sure you will continue to try to cheat. Hell you've been doing it for over 50 years; why stop now? That would be a shame, because if your screwing with elections gets brazen enough, there will likely be rioting and general violence. You folks will have blood on your hands.

And it would also be very bad for you because our side owns all the guns. Maybe that's why you guys are always trying to abrogate the Second Amendment...

Drop Dead,


P.S. V-Toed-Bill sends his regards: "Eat shit and die, bastards!"

Manipulative headlines are Strib's stock in trade

I woke up this morning to a four pound toy poodle pawing at my face, a daily ritual that signals her need to go out and take care of business. As usual, the Star Tribune sat on the front porch, its 'above the fold' section clearly visible. The feature story was a piece about Kevin McHale's decision to demote Flip Saunders as coach of the Timberwolves. A little further down, still above the fold, was the intriguing headline "Young, alone and without a home."

"Here it comes" I thought as I picked up the paper and let Pygmy Dog back in the house. I was ready for another expose' piece about the homelessness caused by Republicans. Above the headline, in smaller type, a factoid: "At least 750,000 U.S. adults ages 18-24 experience an episode of homelessness each year." The statistic was attributed to the National Healthcare for the Homeless Council, no doubt a bureaucratic entity that has no vested interest in perpetuating a perception of wanton homelessness in this country.

I am just cynical enough to be convinced that the Strib editors and staff think their readers will take in the headline and factoid, and then go no further. The two together paint a bleak picture: A significant number of young people, through no fault of their own, are living on the streets. It is intended that people walk by and read this stuff, and lament the state of our society that such a circumstance would exist. It is only when you read further into the story that you discover "Stephanie," the article's focus, is homeless by CHOICE! The first paragraph states that she's "dead set against going back to her family. There's just one option left; sleep in the car." No, there is another option. GO BACK HOME!

The article states that "Stephanie" does not want to talk about her family in order to protect them, so we are left to our imaginations as to what is going on there. But make no mistake, it's not her fault or her family's fault that she chooses to sleep in the car. It is OUR fault. The latter part of the article has a highlight section exclaiming "Homelessness is on the rise." Of course it is. The left just lost another election, so society is rotting. At least that's what the Star Tribune wants you to think.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Hey Professor Churchill; Do you hear a 'blogswarm' coming?

Goodbye Jo

A stalwart member of the MOB has decided to leave the posting side of the blogosphere. Every house with character has an attic, and we will miss Jo's. Hey Jo; we would be happy to host and post any of your spontaneous rants in the future if you get the itch.

Moyers is 'outed' as a liar by blogosphere

James Watt, secretary of the interior in the Reagan administration, was tipped off by a blogger (Powerline?) as to Bill Moyers' libelous rewriting of Watt's tenure at interior. You may recall KAR and other blogs jumping Moyers two weeks ago for Star Tribune OP EX piece that was at the very least ridiculous, and at worst, propoganda that could be construed as vehemently ant-Christian. The article took excerpts of Moyers remarks upon receiving an award for environmental stewardship.

Watt has responded with a 'counterpoint' article in yesterday's strib, basically refuting everything that Moyers had attributed to Watt as having said regarding the environment, like "after the last tree is felled, Christ will come back."

No doubt Watt would have gotten wind of the falshoods without the bloggers, but it just demonstrates again how badly people like Moyers have misjudged the arena of ideas, and the long-term memory capacity of the American people. The left can no longer get away with just making an accusation, and having that accusation stick solely due to the seriousness of the charge. There are too many people watching and paying attention.

UPDATE: Unrelated to this post, but Powerline is saying that NRO has reported Eason Jordan has resigned from CNN. More KAR commentary on this later.