Friday, November 18, 2005

Anything for a bit of pleasure

As I read this letter to the editor in today’s SPPP (free registration required), I was waiting for young Amy of White Bear Lake to say that she has thrown away her allegiance to the purple \ and is now firmly in the camp of the Indianapolis Colts.

Imagine my surprise when I read the last sentence of this seemingly innocuous missive:

It is sad that I must push aside moral standards just to be a fan of the Vikings football team.

This is either a teachable moment for Amy or an opportunity to every heterosexual male on the University of Indiana campus.

If she’s willing to “push aside moral standards” just to cheer for her hometown team, imagine what she’ll be willing to cast aside when she’s feeling randy after a few toddies.

My advice: Get going boys.

In the meantime, I should pass along her name to the guys that purportedly submitted the following personal ads to the Dublin (Ireland) News:

1. Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

2. Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long-time fiancie, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.

3. Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shitty after a few pints, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

4. Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.

5. Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

6. Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

7. Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister.

Here's hoping you have a happy weekend and that you all "get a little."

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