Friday, June 30, 2006

Happy to play a role in his/her misery

I don’t know whether Lonnie Myers of St. Paul is male, female, transgender, hermaphroditic, or whatever.

I do know that Lonnie is a whining piece of shit that needs to be shut up now before he/she/it succeeds in destroying one of the best parts of summer.

Here’s what Lonnie, the whining piece of shit, had wrote to the SPPP:

Summer's toxic toys

Well, it's that time of the year again, when you would like to open the windows and doors and get some fresh air, right? Not so; between the charcoal grills and the charcoal smokers, I have to close up everything by 6 p.m. almost every night. When are they going to pass a law against those toxic toys? I've had it.

St. Paul

Hey, Lonnie, if you’ve had it, get the fuck out. Leave! Now!

Find yourself a nice 10x10 Ted Kazynski-like cabin in Montana so you’ll be happy and rest of us will never have to hear from your sorry ass again.

Now, I'm going home to fire up the grill and a beer. I wish I lived near Lonnie, I would use a fan to blow the marvelous aroma of seared animal flesh in his/her/its direction.

Moron Mail

Oh look - a muppet:

Time for a change

Our family received a beautiful piece of campaign literature in the mail from John Kline. It contained four pages of full-color photographs of smiling families enjoying the benefits of his votes for the war in Iraq, against funding for education, and for elimination of taxes on Carl Pohlad's billions. And, of course, "eliminating government waste."

"Campaign literature" - Note to KAR-Nation: bookmark that phrase.

As for the rest of this DFL cut-n-paste job crap: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Mr. Kline, here's some government waste to start with: Don't print and mail your campaign literature at taxpayer expense – it's illegal.

Recall that phrase I asked you to remember? (HINT: "Campaign literature"). Now there's this thing called the "franking privilege" that allows elected officials to use the US Post for free. Everybody does that. Even Colleen Rowley (if she were to become, God-forbid, Congressman Rowley) would probably use the franking perk to copy the New York Times and the Strib on some memo to her staff describing whatever her latest breathtaking revelation is.

But that's not what makes this letter so moron-licious.

What does is the brazen assumption, asserted as documentable fact, that this campaign lit piece (if that's what it really is) was illegally produced using taxpayer money.

Was it? How does Creep-o know? How close does this actually come to libel?

All good questions, easily answered using the same in-depthinvestigatoryy techniques that Creepface employs:

1) Probably not.

2) He doesn't. He's just another dumb-assed DFL sock-puppet.

3) Fairly close.

The 2nd Congressional District needs an advocate for Minnesota families, not glossy photos of professional models posed in front of Washington's cherry trees. It's time for a change in the 2nd District. It's time to elect Coleen Rowley to Congress.


Jeebus! The element has really crept into Eagan since I moved away from that town.

The writer is a volunteer for Coleen Rowley's campaign.

No shit? I couldn't tell.

And that concludes this installment of -

HOLD THE PRESSES!!! This just in:

Summer's toxic toys

Well, it's that time of the year again, when you would like to open the windows and doors and get some fresh air, right? Not so; between the charcoal grills and the charcoal smokers, I have to close up everything by 6 p.m. almost every night. When are they going to pass a law against those toxic toys? I've had it.


Ban grills?

Pass a law against...

barbecue grills?

You have GOT to be kidding me.


Pass a law...



Now I know out here in the internet ether known as the "political blogosphere" we have our disagreements. Often we have outright spittle-flecked rhetorical loogie hocking donnybrooks over some of our sharper disagreements. But here, I think we have an issue that we can all agree on, liberal or conservative; moonbat or wingnut:

KEEP YOUR LAWS OFF MY GRILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You stupid wiener

A Song for Kevie

Before the Big Game last night, Kevin let slip that his gal had just broken his heart. So moved with pity was I, that I felt compelled to hit a routine flyball to to the left fielder at each of my 4 at bats. The rest of my team displayed similar sympathy for Kevie's inner turmoil by doing much the same thing, resulting in an uncharacteristic loss.

But it's all good: we're still in first place, and Kevie's team is still mathematically eliminated from contention. But that's not important - after all, it's just a kid's game. What is important in life are the affairs of the heart that make life worth living. The yearning for companionship. The desire to make ourselves whole by finding our one true love. If our piss-poor performance helped to salve the pain in Kevie's soul - even if only temporarily - then I'm cool with the loss.

Yet Kevie's life remains torn asunder, and I feel that I must do more to help a fellow blogger in need. To that end, if you are a hot single chick looking for a guy who makes up for his lack of skilz by wearing two batting gloves all the time, drop us a line in the comment thread to this post, and we'll see if we can't hook you up with the Kev-meister.

Hell, even if you are only moderately hot, Kevie will probably still be interested. Or just plain looking. Maybe even ugly. I don't think he's too picky.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

There Are Some Things Money Can't Buy

500-count box of envelopes: $6

365 postage stamps: $142.35

365 photocopies at Kinko's: $18.25

Having a younger brother to whom you can mail a copy of this article every day for a year: PRICELESS.

Oh, By the Way, I'm Back Now

Thanks to the Head o' Alfredo Garcia for keeping my seat warm (and for turning the phrase "liberal nutfondler" - that bad boy's going in the quiver) while I was gone.

As always, there's no rest for the weary. Tonight in Eagan my softball team once again faces off against Team Futility (AKA "Ecker's Team") in the much anticipated Smackdown in E-Town II. At stake is spurringirl another six pack of premium beery yumminess. You'll recall that Smackdown in E-Town I did not go well for Kevie. I'm looking for an encore tonight.

Rich Elitist Puke-Eating Snotballs to Blame for Coarsening of Public Discourse

The use of the effenheimer on KAR has reached unprecedented levels. A quick ctrl-F search of KAR's front page shows that the F-bomb has been used some 23 times in the past few days. And that number does not account for some of the more exotic variants of the word, or Dementee's misspellings of it.

If you've been paying attention at all, you know about the now infamous ad in the Strib bought by 200 rich liberals that advocated a tax increase on the richest Minnesotans ("rich" being defined as earning over $45,000 a year). Shortly after the rollout of that ad, use of the f-bomb skyrocketed. Never before has KAR - a blog that has never shied away from using salty language - seen such a spike in the appearance of the f-dash-dash-dash word. The following line graph shows how stark this alarming trend has become:

Many observers have decried the coarsening of the public discourse, especially in the political arena. Indeed, if you follow the comment threads in certain other blogs, you tend to see a bunch of people hocking rhetorical loogies at each other, and generally behaving like a bunch of Philadelphia sports fans. Polemicists like Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin take a lot of blame for this trend. Some even blame the gatekeeperless blogosphere with its unrestrained bombthrowing. However, this graph shows conclusively that liberal trust-fund babies with much much much much more disposable income than brains are truly the ones who bring out the worst in all of us.

Those fuckers.

Welcome to the FU Club

Now I'm pissed.

Sen. John C. Hottinger, gulilt-ridden Lefty from St. Peter, is the latest member of the FU Club aka FUC (acronym based on yesterday’s rant).

The FUC membership committee unanimously selected Hottinger on the basis of this letter to the PHPs at the Star & Sickle (printed in it’s entirety):

What do Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, the 202 Minnesota most well-to-do citizens who paid for an ad in the Star Tribune calling for higher taxes on the state's wealthiest citizens, and the leaders of the Minnesota faith community fighting to eliminate poverty have in common?

They all have set examples for the rest of us in recognizing the importance of the common good and the moral obligations we have to our fellow man and woman.

It's too bad that Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Star Tribune columnist Katherine Kersten still worship the greed creed: "I've got mine. I want more. The hell with you."

Guess what else they have in common, Senator FUC: They have more money than God and can afford to write large checks to the government.


Am I greedy, Sen. FUC, if I want to keep enough money to give my kids the chance to play sports, learn a musical instrument, or just to take a family vacation without running up the balance on my credit card?

If you answer yes, which is highly likely, then you are a fucking fuck without a fucking clue.

Here’s my definition of greed Sen. FUC: Using the force of government to steal money from hard working people to fund worthless people and programs in an effort to grow the monstrosity that is government so you can add more blood sucking, Socialist, jobs-for-life AFSCME members whose sole job is handing out money to worthless people.


Fuck you and fuck your Government Uber Alles mantra. It’s because of Socialist pigs like you that middle class folk like me are scraping to survive.

I don’t want your help, I don’t need your help. I just need you to get your fucking hands out of my fucking wallet.

The next step for you and all other guilt-ridden Socialists is to fire your accountants and tax attorneys. Better yet, instruct them to pull all your money from the shelters they live in and pay any back taxes.

No more tax credits, no more deductions, no more nothing. Time for Socialists like you to pay taxes based your gross income.

‘Cmon Sen. FUC, it’s for the common good.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The big 200 are getting a bit defensive

I guess we’ve hit a nerve. By “we” I mean those standing against the 203 guilt-ridden elites who want income taxes raised across the board because they don’t think they pay enough. The Star & Sickle printed the evidence today.

Two Johns F. Hetterick of Plymouth is offended by the way people have reacted to the preposterous add purchased by the radical, Leftwing Growth & Justice organization.

You’ll understand if I shed no tears for the woefully misguided John F Hetterick. He, like the rest of the signers is a brain-dead moron laboring under the illusion that we, all of us, are not taxed enough.

John asks a few rhetorical questions in his letter to the PHPs, but I cannot let them go without answering:

How did it become "liberal" to want our state to invest in education, health care and transportation? Using the word “invest” as the Liberal euphemism for “butt raping tax increases”.

When did it become "liberal" to want to invest in our children's future? I am investing in the future of my kids and the kids of may others via the butt raping taxes I pay every time I get a pay check.

What is "liberal" about proposing a fair shared way to invest an additional $2 billion per year in our state's future? Good God, John, you are already counting the money before you rip it from us using the butt raping tax increase you love so much.

Again, John, the solution is both simple and easy: Stick a crowbar in your wallet and send the state that extra money you obviously don’t need. But keep your fucking hands off my money.

I pay the city, county, state and federal governments enough and, frankly, I’m damned sick and tired of busting my ass so thankless pricks who do nothing but scream for welfare rights can get more of that money.

Fuck you and fuck all of them.

I’m doing all I can to support my family on one income so my wife, not your precious government, can stay at home with our children. So don’t you go giving me some piece of shit guilt trip about not wanting to “invest” in our children’s future?

Fuck you, again.

My wife and I are doing everything in our power, not government’s power, to give our kids the best chance at success. So shut your shit-filled mouth about all of us needing to do more.

Bottom line: make the state the sole beneficiary of your estate and take a flying leap off the High Bridge so they can receive the funds.

But before you go: Fuck you, again.

News Haikus

How to fix Amy's quagmire?
Run and tell teacher!

Banning cigarettes.
Who could gripe? Mike Cirisi!
Senate seats ain't cheap!

There is hope! Maybe
that Travelocity Gnome
can get hooked on this...

Official Language.
If it's not English, he won't
know - we laugh at him!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

No grudges for Capitol Hill cops

Despite a recent assault, Capitol Hill cops appear to be holding no grudge against Georgia Representative Cynthia McKinney, a self-described, though not verified by independent sources, black, female.

Amid the chaos caused by several inches of flooding rains, evidence came to light showing police on Capitol Hill have put aside ill feelings and are willing to help wherever needed.

Rep. McKinney was rescued on Capitol Hill, when the aforementioned rains flooded her basement office today.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Moron Bloggers

Foot has pretty well cornered the franchise on fisking the bejeebus out of morons who write letters to the Star/Tribune.

But one needn't look far to find equal or greater stupidity elsewhere.

Leftybloggers all seem to admire the local leftyblog "Minvolved". I figured I'd take a quick read.

This steaming pile of crap piece, written by someone named "LimpBung" (I might be mistaken. I apologize; I couldn't see, since I was so busy trying to scratch my eyes out), is a wonderous introduction.

LimpBung seems to have missed the memo from leftyblog central: it's the conservatives who are supposed to make the absurd, self-indulgent, black and white comparisons; liberals are the people of nuance:
Deadeye Dick Cheney is in town...fundraiser for noted homophobe/wackjob Michele Bachmann, who’s running for Congress over in the 6th District against a decent and honorable Patty Wetterling.
Paging Brian Melendez; your next copywriter is here!

Cheney’s daughter, Mary, has a nice government job and an astonishing $1.5 Million advance on a dud book that sold about 1,500 copies. She also has a life partner of more than ten years duration, whom she cannot marry in any state but Massachusetts.

Let's hang on a minute; I'm confused. Is Mary Cheney a rotten person because she's a lesbian who's working for the "homophobic" adminstration? Or a victim of the administration?

LimpBung apparently can't keep a thought straight.

Karl Rove is also nearby tomorrow, speaking at the Sunnyside Country Club, 1600 Olympic Drive, in Waterloo, Iowa at 12:30 p.m., followed by another campaign appearance over in Des Moines. Our favorite unindicted co-conspirator, the fellow whose face should be on every manure spreader in America while buried in a penitentiary-provided pillow for at least twenty years.

Why either of these people are allowed to roam free completely escapes me.

The Democrats' next strategy - victory through jailing your opponents?

LimpBung - Rove got off! No charges were brought! You do not get to second-guess his guilt, because there is no charge! It is as if there was an accusation floating about that LimpBung was an ignorant oozefuck and a writer with less talent than one of Ryan Rhodes' turds.

Except here's the key difference; while no charges were brought against Rove, the above accusations would result in a two-count indictment, two convictions, and a rhetorical death sentence that would be carried out while LimpBung's supporters bitched that the trial was stolen because, while the jury voted 12-0 to convict, incarcerate and execute, "exit polls" of liberal nutfondles who'd never attended the trial were overwhelmingly in favor of acquittal.

Cheney is probably the most dangerous man in the world, thanks to his inept aggressiveness.
Then Howard Dean is Suge Knight.

In the meantime, the cocktail/graduation party circuit is coming up with comments like, “Ellison (DFL-endorsed candidate for CD-5) just isn’t ready for prime time. They should have endorsed someone seasoned, like Reichgott-Junge,” and “What’s Erlandson up to, anyway?”

This actually explains a lot. LimpBung still hangs out at graduation parties; he/she is probably a recent grad him/her/itself. Which indicates that his/her/its opinion is worth nothing.

Bung. Bubbie. Get back to us when you've had a job and paid some rent for a while. Until then, you and your opinion are worth nothing.

Except as a warning about where the Deranged Fuckwit Lice party is headed:

In the meantime, [anti-semitic Farrakhanite Keith] Ellison is starting to remind me of Wellstone - energetic, decent, and dedicated. Reichgott-Junge may be all of these, plus experienced, but what’s the use of the party endorsement process if we can’t stick with it? If we’re going to fight, we’d better stay organized and fight the enemy instead of each other.

Even if you are electing someone whose past is deeply morally repugnant - unless you're an antisemite with deep sympathies for those who'd destroy this nation, its people, and even piddlecranks like LimpBung.

When we do this, we lose all foundation and reason for national pride and patriotism - and any reason to serve or defend our country. No nation can survive the expense of maintaining a mercenary army for long. By effectively eliminating the draft, we have taken every liberal and progressive thread out of our military, and turned the entire machine over to the conservatives. This has left us with an enormously efficient funding mechanism for fascism.

LimpBung; kindly go to any military base and call them "mercenaries" and "fascists" to their face.

W and Rove stole Florida in 2000 and Ohio in 2004 by suppressing voters’ rights.

Oh, why do I bother?

Because it's so entertaining, what's why:

So how do we wake up the white folks in the suburbs, anyway?

Uhhhh...the same way you "wake up" anybody: tell them they're idiots, call them fascists, jack up their taxes as you dumb down the schools (need evidence? Read LimpBung), and then stand on a soapbox in the middle of Apple Valley and bellow "Wake Up, Silly Suburbanites!"

Yep. That's the ticket. Get on it, Limp.

Friday, June 23, 2006

The Red Hot Chili Peppers Can Teach Us a Lot About Why I Won't Be Blogging Until Next Thursday

Road trippin with my two one of my favorite allies
Fully loaded we got snacks and supplies
Its time to leave this town
Its time to steal away
Lets go get lost
Anywhere in the U.S.A. --Red Hot Chili Peppers

(Love this song, BTW)

The Girl and I are off to Up North, Wisconsin for the annual Foot-Extended-Family-(and-Friends-Thereof)-Resort-Takeover-and-Drunken-Waterskiing Festival. Unfortunately, Mrs. Foot was unable to "steal away" so she's staying behind with The Boy. This is a good thing, because The Boy is an unmanageable demon when he gets out into open spaces like those found in the nort' woods. Hell, he's not all that easy to contain in a well controlled environment like, say, my living room. One minute he's just a cute little shmorklet making funny faces and repeating everything (everything) you say. Next thing you know, he's assaulting someone with a large stick:

The Head of Alfredo Garcia Will be doling out the Kool Aid during my absence. Or, more accurately, barfing it back into the faces of fools like these people.

Even More on the Moron Millionaires

Except they aren’t morons, at least not in the micro sense of this particular dust up. But they are still morons in the macro sense of Socialism in general.

Let me explain: In Wellstone-like fashion the 203 millionaire-spenders-of-other-people’s money are decrying tax system they say needs changing. And they want to change it in a way that will cost them more money.

The deceased subject of the WWWD bumper stickers did the same in regard to PAC money. He vowed not to take any, but it wasn’t long before he was traveling the country sucking up dollars at every stop. Why? Because it was the only way he could hold onto the seat he cherished.

Taking the dollars while apologizing for taking the dollars was his MO.

These hyper-guilty Lefties are doing much the same.

There is nothing keeping any of these jerks from writing a check to Minnesota’s general fund, but they won’t do it. Instead, they buy a newspaper add, costing well over $20,000, asking the Legislature to use the force of law to take the money from them.

That is at the crux of their brilliance.

Now they can parade around telling lowest among us that they tried. Damn how they tried to have their taxes increased, but the evil Republicans in charge of the House and Governor’s office wouldn’t do it.

Fucking brilliant, or is it?

What these bozos fail to recognize is that the world has changed dramatically over the past several years. People are better informed. More and more are invested in the stock market through 401K accounts and the like. There are communication vehicles called talk radio, the Internet with a subset called the Blogosphere, among others. And we use these vehicles to illustrate the folly of Left.

People see through these preposterous proposals. Just look at today’s Star & Sickle, of the three letters printed on the subject only one is in favor. Now, either the Star & Sickle has turned over a new leaf, or those in favor of having their taxes raised at the instance of multi-millionaires are a smaller group than those who get what’s going on.

The bottom line is simple: The 203 rich ones have no intention of paying any more money to the State unless forced to do so via legislation. In other words, they don’t really care about the kiddies, old folks and transportation, but saying they do makes them feel better while they travel from club to club in their chauffeured limousines.

They really are sick bastards, aren’t they?

Diversionary Tactics

He’s at it again. W, I mean. This time using the FBI to pull a stunt designed for one reason and one reason only: To deflect attention away from his illegal war being fought in Iraq.

It is horrible day in America when Muslim men aren’t allowed to discuss killing “devils” without being arrested. What ever happened to freedom of speech?

What we have here is another blatant example of the Bush Administration stripping away our constitutional rights. And the thought that the FBI could be in cahoots with W in erecting this obvious sham saddens me.

More On the Moron Millionaires

I am not going to stop beating on this rancid rotten brain pooping until it is deader than Karl Marx.

You know how the media and the left (pardon the redundancy) love to paint conservatives as [fill in the blank] "values" voters. Dan Quayle used the phrase "family values" in one speech 15 years ago, and lefties have been belching out that phrase with with a sneer ever sense. More recently we've seen the emergence of "moral values" voters, "Midwestern values" etc. to describe anybody who votes for Republicans.

Which brings me to this letter, barfaliciously captioned "Seeking more state taxes: True Minnesota values."

Thank God I'm from Milwaukee (Motto: Now With a Higher GDP than Kuwait! Let's Get Drunk!), otherwise I guess I'd have to abandon my "values".

Since when does anybody inherit their personal values from the particular political entity in which they reside? I'm sorry, but "do unto others..." is a "value. "Be kind and generous" is a value. "Be an excellent parent to your kids" is a value. Even "be charitable to the less fortunate among you as much as you are able whenever you are able" is a value.

However, "Bend over and take it up the ass so that I can fund my ineffective and already-overfunded pet project" is not a value. If this is a "Minnesota value," then call me a rudderless heretic adrift in the moral sea. If you possess an IQ higher than tampera paint, you should sneer anytime you see, hear or read the phrase "Minnesota values," in the same way the very same people who use that idiotic trope sneer for "moral" or "family" values. This would also apply to any purported "values" supposedly appurtenant to any other political subdivision.

Unfortunately, this is a blog, so sneering is difficult to transmit. So here's a surrogate response to these so-called "Minnesota values" that is universally understandable:

Last Call for the MilF

Exciting news:

The Millard Fillmore Memorial KAR-Nation Open Championship Charity Golf Outing Classic now has a logo! This is a first class operation all the way.

I just sent a very important e-mail to all confirmed and potential MilFers. I also sent it to those who expressed an interest in attending the Post MilF 19th Hole Celebrity Gala at Casa di Foot (Sponsored by Carnival Cruises). Please read carefully and respond to the directives therein that apply to you.

If you did not receive the message and should have - or want to - drop me a line at koolaidreport at yahoo dot com or in the comments, and I will rectify the situation.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Clean Edit of My Last Post

NOTE: For those of you with tender sensibilities, here's the Airplane Movie Version (the "radio edit" if you will) of my last post.

Growth for Justice, a progressive liberal "think" tank, bought a full page ad in the Strib today to convince you that you are [CENSORED]. Signed by about two hundred well-noted advocates for the spending of other people's money - including Ted and Walter Mondale, Mike Cerisi and [CENSORED] - this ad tries to convince us lesser life forms that, despite all indications to the contrary, we aren't taxed enough. Some highlights:



We're not investing as much as we used to -

[CENSORED] Oh - there's more:

- as a share of personal income, state and local government is about $3 billion smaller than a decade ago...


It's still a vast, bloated, bureaucratic goliath.

Let's skip the list of "investments" these socialists think are "needed" to make a "better" Minnesota:

In the Real Prosperity strategy, the 2% of Minnesotans with the highest earnings would pay about 2 cents more per dollar earned...


...We are among the people who would pay more than most under this plan, and we believe that is appropriate.



Like I said: that's easy for you to say when RJ Reynolds is making the payments on your Manhattan penthouse. You people are living in LaLa Land. [CENSORED]

You know, how about we split the difference. Why doesn't the legislature just amend the tax forms to allow generous rich folks like yourselves to pay (happily) what you think is an appropriate amount over and above your actual tax liability. [CENSORED] we'll even tolerate you bragging about it.


And why do I think that this "plan" doesn't spare the, um, less than "rich"? Oh, because it wouldn't:

Most Minnesotans would pay a penny - more or less -


...and families struggling to make ends meet on less than $45,000 a year would pay virtually nothing.

"Virtually" nothing?



(Doesn't lose a bit from the original, does it?)

We Can Afford to Tell You Assholes to "Eat Shit and Die"; (And We Can't Afford Not to)

WARNING: The following post is rated NC-17 for pervasive, exceedingly vile profanity and brief nudity. Foot spent most of the week faking gravitas, and showing superhuman restraint so as not to sully another blogger's reputation. He's got a lot of pent up rage. If the f-bomb makes you bristle, please leave now.

Growth for Justice, a progressive liberal "think" tank, bought a full page ad in the Strib today to convince you that you are not being ass-raped enough. Signed by about two hundred well-noted advocates for the spending of other people's money - including Ted and Walter Mondale, Mike Cerisi and the dipshit-o-licious duo of Susan and Jim Lenfestey - this ad tries to convince us lesser life forms that, despite all indications to the contrary, we aren't taxed enough. Some highlights:


Fuck you. Take a look at my tax return some time and say that. It's easy to say when you're flush in cash from your daddy's trust fund or, er, millions of dollars in fees you "earned" from that tobacco shakedown.

We're not investing as much as we used to -

Oh piss off. That's bullshit and you know it. Oh - there's more:

- as a share of personal income, state and local government is about $3 billion smaller than a decade ago...

Fuck off. Nice little semantic trick you try to turn there, you assknockers. How about how much smaller it is in real dollars? No, that would undermine your message.

It's still a vast, bloated, bureaucratic goliath.

Let's skip the list of "investments" these socialists think are "needed" to make a "better" Minnesota:

In the Real Prosperity strategy, the 2% of Minnesotans with the highest earnings would pay about 2 cents more per dollar earned...

Shove it up your ass. That translates to $6,000 on someone who makes $300k a year on top of what they're already paying.

...We are among the people who would pay more than most under this plan, and we believe that is appropriate.


Like I said: that's easy for you to say when RJ Reynolds is making the payments on your Manhattan penthouse. You people are living in LaLa Land. Just like money shouldn't go to your head; likewise your head shouldn't go to your ass.

You know, how about we split the difference. Why doesn't the legislature just amend the tax forms to allow generous rich folks like yourselves to pay (happily) what you think is an appropriate amount over and above your actual tax liability. Hell, we'll even tolerate you bragging about it.

But keep your filthy hands off my wallet. Fuckers.

And why do I think that this "plan" doesn't spare the, um, less than "rich"? Oh, because it wouldn't:

Most Minnesotans would pay a penny - more or less -

Fuck you fucking fuckers!

...and families struggling to make ends meet on less than $45,000 a year would pay virtually nothing.

"Virtually" nothing?

Eat shit. So what you nippleheads are really saying is that everyone can afford to pay more state taxes?

Please shove your shit-eating idea up your asses and go away. Now.

(CLOSED CIRCUIT TO CHAD: Was this rebellious enough for ya'?)

(CLOSED CIRCUIT TO DEMENTEE: We should really coordinate this posting thing better.)

Keep your damn hands off my money

203 Rich jackasses are feeling guilty and want the state to take more of their money…and yours, too.

My message to them is simple:

If your so damned worried about the plight of the kiddies, old folks and roads, write a f@#$ing check to the Minnesota Department of Revenue. There’s nothing stopping you from donating more of your hard-earned money to the state.

Actually, there’s one thing stopping all 203 of you knobs: You want to bring the rest of us down with you.

Should we be surprised that the leader of this group is a former publisher of the Star & Sickle? Joel Kramer calls his Left Wing think tank “Invest for Real Prosperity”, and we all know “Invest” is Socialist-speak for “Tax Increases”.

The Neo-Left carry tremendous guilt as they tool about town in their chauffeured limos, traveling from one private club to the next, hoping and praying the legislature will do the right thing and raise their taxes.

Ease your consciences you guilt-ridden members of the Neo-Left. If each of you writes a check for $9,852,216.75 the State of Minnesota will have the $2 billion you say it needs to “Invest for Real Prosperity” and the rest of us will be forever grateful.

Don’t ask me for more. I have no misplace guilt, only perfectly placed anger at the amount of money taken from my family and given to your favorite Socialist programs, most of which do nothing they were created to do.

My bottom line, write your checks, assuage your guilt, and go to the club to the little people, like me, can’t afford.

But keep your damned hands off of my money.

Let's All Take a Deep Breath

You've probably heard the news (that is, unless you get your news from CNN, NBC, MSNBC, ABC or CBS):

US-led coalition forces in Iraq have found some 500 chemical weapons since the March 2003 invasion, Republican lawmakers said, citing an intelligence report.

"Since 2003, Coalition forces have recovered approximately 500 weapons munitions which contain degraded mustard or sarin nerve agent," said an overview of the report unveiled by Senator Rick Santorum and Peter Hoekstra, head of the intelligence committee of the House of Representatives.

"Despite many efforts to locate and destroy Iraq's pre-Gulf war chemical munitions, filled and unfilled pre-Gulf war chemical munitions are assessed to still exist," it says.

Well, that's the part that rightie bloggers will concentrate on. Lefties will home in on this part of the story with a laser-beam focus:

A Pentagon official who confirmed the findings said that all the weapons were pre-1991 vintage munitions "in such a degraded state they couldn't be used for what they are designed for."

The official, who asked not to be identified, said most were 155 millimeter artillery projectiles with mustard gas or sarin of varying degrees of potency.

The probable reaction to this story from the right will be along the lines of "Ha ha! VINDICATION!!! Your 'Bush lied' trope has just evaporated! Your party is DEAD! Enjoy your new third party status you moonbat idiots! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

On the other side of the spectrum, you will see (or, probably, already have seen) lefty bloggers suddenly turn into chemical weapons experts and dismiss this as a campaign scheme:

"Get over yourselves you dumbass wingnuts! Blah blah blah blah! Those chemicals are so old and degraded that you probably wouldn't even get a stomach ache if you drank them. Blah blah blah blah blah. *picking nose* Blah blah blah. Me smart, you stupid. Blah blah blah. *picking nose again* etc..."

What I am focusing on is this:

"We are working on the declassification of the report. We are going to do a thorough search of what additional reports exist in the intelligence community. And we are going to put additional pressure on the Department of Defense and the folks in Iraq to more fully pursue a complete investigation of what existed in Iraq before the war," Hoekstra said.

So this isn't yet the whole story? Doesn't sound like it.

I assure you: if there is more, the recriminations coming from this blog will be swift, relentless and merciless.

(Oh, please let there be more.)

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Comic Relief

Here's my contribution to culture, per LF's directive to try my hand at cartooning...

Bobo Rushes to Local Blogger's Defense

Andy is currently having his semi-weekly meltdown. Seems like the bastards are getting him down again.

Bobo the Foul-Mouthed Chimp has some choice words for Andy's critics, and he was kind enough to cc KAR.

Agreeing with the PHPs

It happens occasionally, rarely really, that I agree with the Pointy Headed Pricks on the Star & Sickle editorial board. Today is one of those days.

I agree with this, and particularly with this statement:

On the right road, at the right hour, you can turn back the calendar to an earlier time, a simpler time, in many ways a better time…

I am officially calling for the Star & Sickle to lead the way in bringing back that simpler time: A time when technology did not permeate every minute of our day.

Bring us back to a time before Black Berries, cell phones and iPods, to a time when kids could play outside without fear of asthma and melanoma. I want to travel back to when horses pulled wagons and their shit covered the dirt roads.

Take us, oh PHPs, back to the days before Minnesota.

You can start by pulling down your web site and sparing the world your hyper-Leftist propaganda.

If you are truly offended by the site of a guy driving a classic car and talking on a cell phone, then you have serious mental problems that can not be solved.

It’s time to check your ass into a nut house and throw away the key.

To Catch a 30 Share

You may have noticed that the relatively benign Entertainment-Masquerading-as-News vehicle "Dateline NBC" has recently morphed into the ubiquitous "To Catch a Predator." What initially appeared to be an ostensible (if voyeuristically creepy) public service, is now an ubiquitous ratings cash-cow franchise for NBC.

Last month, the Arizona Supreme Court issued an opinion that now casts the whole public service thing into doubt. The facts of Mejak v. Granville are familiar:

In April 2003, a local television news reporter, pretending to be a thirteen-year-old girl, engaged in Internet "chat room" discussions as part of an investigation into how the Internet can be used to lure minors for sexual contact. The petitioner, Jeremy Mejak, chatted online with the reporter, believing her to be a thirteen-year-old girl; and arranged to meet her for purposes of engaging in sexual conduct. When Mejak arrived at the agreed-upon location, he was greeted by news cameras. The police were given videotapes of the confrontation and transcripts of the online conversations. A grand jury indicted Mejak for violating A.R .S. § 13-3554.

Yeah, Dateline appears to be late to the fishing-for-child-molesters game. But that's irrelevant.

What is relevant, is that Arizona law specifically provides who may conduct a sting operation(emphasis mine):

13-3554. Luring a minor for sexual exploitation; classification

A. A person commits luring a minor for sexual exploitation by offering or soliciting sexual conduct with another person knowing or having reason to know that the other person is a minor.

B. It is not a defense to a prosecution for a violation of this section that the other person was a peace officer posing as a minor.

Meaning that it is a defense if the other person is not a peace officer. (For you nonlawyers out there, the Cool Latin Legal Maxim for this is expressio unius est exclusio aterius: "the expression of one thing is the exclusion of the other.") The court went on to construe the section as a whole and found that the only other "lured" party that could subject a defendant to criminal liability is a minor.

The court then vacated the indictment against Mejak.

Oh, the court acknowledged that a defendant in circumstances such as this could still be charged with attempted luring of a minor. But attempt is a lesser felony carrying a lighter potential sentence.

And the defendant in this case was never charged with attempt.

So, back to the original premise: does this outcome (and the outcomes that would flow from similar laws which can undoubtedly be found in other jurisdictions) strip "To Catch a Predator" of its last redeeming quality (save for the smarmy "gotcha" entertainment factor)? Because if you've seen these shows, you'll notice that the type of people who tend to get nabbed for trying to hook up with kids on the internet tend to be unable to control their urges or learn from their previous experience - both personal and vicarious. I just don't think that these shows have much of a deterrent effect. Wouldn't law enforcement agencies be better off forming their own programs to do the exact same thing that Dateline is doing, but with the added benefit of being able to prosecute these vermin to the fullest extent?

Hell, if they videotaped the stings, the initiatives would pay for themselves tenfold.

UPDATE: Occam's Razor. I caught the first 10 minutes or so of TCAP last night. Apparently the local sheriff deputized the folks who were conducting the sting. They even had a cop participating in the bait chats. This, of course renders almost everything I wrote above nugatory (except for the creepy voyeurism thing). Forget I ever said it.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Just Like your Typical Blog Comment Thread

I took my first stab at cartooning. Give it a look.

Make your own here.

Chicken, Meet Hawk

Perhaps we could have made a humane trap for Zarqawi, like the ones that are sometimes used to catch invasive rodents. The Army could have dug a 10 foot-deep hole (with soft mattresses at the bottom, of course) and baited it with two or three scantily clad 14 year old girls.

That no doubt would have been effective. But I liked the bombing thing a lot better. David Luban, a conehead from Georgetown Law, disagrees:

This month's killing of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi may mark a turning point in the struggle against terrorism and the insurgency in Iraq. But the fact that he was killed by a pair of U.S. bombs, rather than captured and turned over to the Iraqis for trial, does no favors for Iraq in its struggle to establish the rule of law. Nor does it help that the bombing killed five others -- maybe terrorists, but maybe innocent civilians.

It apparently never occurred to Luban that such open-ended, hindsight-intensive reasoning from a law professor 7,000 miles away from the situation could maybe possibly provoke an aneurysm in persons with an IQ above cod liver oil.

And right now, nobody in the field is really concerned with "establishing the rule of law" in Iraq. They're more concerned with self-preservation and amputating a deep and virulent cancer from that country. But if the capture and trial of a high profile mass-murderer is essential to "establishing the rule of law" in Iraq, well, we've already crossed that item off the checklist.

Under the laws of war, Al-Zarqawi was undoubtedly a legitimate target. Enemy commanders are fair game. And no one outside his family should shed tears for Al-Zarqawi, who maimed and murdered hundreds with ruthless brutality. Moreover, there may have been valid military reasons to blow him up rather than capture him. According to Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, military officials feared that going in on the ground risked Al-Zarqawi's escape, even though U.S. and Iraqi forces had surrounded the house Al-Zarqawi was in and, indeed, had taken over the entire village.

Nevertheless, there is something disturbing about targeted killing when capture is possible.

STOP!!!! There's something familiar going on here...

So this guy would have rather seen American and Iraqi soldiers storm the compound of a well known and well-armed sociopathic killer, risking (and likely for some of them, incurring) death or serious injury; a raid that would almost certainly end with the death of Zarqawi and everyone else in the building anyway. Achieving the same end with a tactic that exposes our boys to minimal risk of injury (during a WAR mind you) is "illegal" or "disturbing"?

What was it about that "chickenhawk" slur that the lefties love to drool out? Oh yeah:

...a political epithet used in United States to criticize a politician, bureaucrat, or commentator who strongly supports a war or other military action, but has never personally been in a war, especially (but not always) if that person is perceived to have actively avoided military service when of draft age. [Emphasis mine.]

OK. I'm looking over Luban's professional vita, and I'm not seeing any military service.

He got his PhD in 1974, meaning that - unless he was some sort of Doogie Howser-like prodigy - Luban would have been eligible for the Vietnam draft.

And he just wrote that he would rather have American troops putting themselves in harm's way to arrest that murdering psycho instead of watching the fireworks from a safe distance. You know what that makes him?



Whoa. I feel stupider for just having written that. Which explains a lot.

Hey! Roger! Leave Those Jews Alone!

So on the one hand, you've got a group of people that throughout their 5,000 or so year history have been slaughtered, enslaved, slaughtered, exiled, slaughtered, nearly exterminated and slaughtered, who are just trying to defend themselves in the least lethal manner possible.

On the other hand, you have yet another aging rock star who insists on putting himself on the wrong side of history:

Former Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters will give a concert in Israel, despite his opposition to the security fence Israel is building across the West Bank. After protests by Palestinians, he changed the venue from a park in Tel Aviv to Neveh Shalom, a mixed Arab-Jewish town near Jerusalem known as the "Village of Peace." The group's old hit song "Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)" has become an anthem of resistance to the barrier, with its lyrics changed to: "We don't need no occupation. We don't need no racist wall."

I wonder how this rewrite would fly:

"We don't need no jihadist pogroms. We don't need no PLO."

Naw. That'd be racist! Everybody knows that the security wall is intended to protect an illegal Israeli occupation of Muslim land. Where else would those poor Muslims go?

(Cross-posted at SITD)

Monday, June 19, 2006

PHP’s hypocrisy knows no bounds

They’ve done it again. The Pointy Headed Pricks on the Star & Sickle editorial board brought hypocrisy to new heights.

On the heals of their whining over the GOP’s treatment of failed Lefty Senator Mark Dayton, the PHP’s are calling for the firing or, get this muzzling of John Bolton – the only ambassador to the UN with enough balls to tell the world that the Emperor (UN) is buck naked.
The PHP’s believe that John Bolton should accept Kofi Annan’s reform proposals without question. His job, according to the PHP’s is not to represent the interests of the United States, but to rubber stamp Kofi’s changes – which will no doubt change nothing.

Those who genuflect at the alter of the United Nations will brook no dissent from the proclamations of the almighty Kofi. If you dare to be in the presence of Kofi The Great, you must take all he says on its face and question nothing.

Is this the same group of elitist jerk-offs who chastise W for surrounding himself with people who have similar social and political philosophies?

Of course it is, but remember; in their warped, Leftist (a redundancy I know), backward-ass minds they, and only they, have all the answers and anyone who dissents from their f-ed up view of the world is simply a narrow-minded bigot who needs to be silenced.

A little too Animal Farm-like for my taste: All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
So it is for the Leftist swine on the Star & Sickle editorial board.

Truth? Out.

(Cross-posted from Shot in the Dark)

A few weeks ago, Jason Leopold a "reporter" for the ironically-named left-wing website "Truthout" published a sensational story that purported to confirm the impending criminal indictment of Karl Rove in the Valarie Plame case. The left-wing blogosphere was all atwitter to the point of sexual arousal at this "news." Everywhere you looked this story was being flogged, including in a comment thread on this very blog about some completely unrelated topic (probably Bruce Springsteen).

As we later found out, the only impending thing was Leopold's exposure as a fraud.

Excuse me for a moment while I lose myself in reverie as I reminisce about that glorious day.


So Rove is off the hook. Dandy. But what about the rest of the story? What would compel someone who fancies himself a journalist to confidently run with a story that was so awfully and provably wrong?

Joe Lauria, writing for WaPo today has some unique personal insights into the Leopold's "mind."
And it ain't pretty:

I met Leopold once, three days before his Rove story ran, to discuss his recently published memoir, "News Junkie." It seems to be an honest record of neglect and abuse by his parents, felony conviction, cocaine addiction -- and deception in the practice of journalism.

Leopold says he gets the same rush from breaking a news story that he did from snorting cocaine. To get coke, he lied, cheated and stole. To get his scoops, he has done much the same. As long as it isn't illegal, he told me, he'll do whatever it takes to get a story, especially to nail a corrupt politician or businessman. "A scoop is a scoop," he trumpets in his memoir. "Other journalists all whine about ethics, but that's a load of crap."

It gets worse. Read the whole thing.

In the end of the piece, Lauria attempts a diagnosis of Leopold:

After reading his memoir -- and watching other journalists, such as Jayson Blair at the New York Times and Jack Kelley at USA Today, crash and burn for making up stories or breaking other rules of newsgathering -- I think there's something else at play here. Leopold is in too many ways a man of his times. These days it is about the reporter, not the story; the actor, not the play; the athlete, not the game. Leopold is a product of a narcissistic culture that has not stopped at journalism's door, a culture facilitated and expanded by the Internet.

In the end, whatever Jason Leopold's future, he got what he appears to be crying out for: attention.

Maybe. Or maybe he's just a creep.

Or worse.

Nihilist in Golf Pants-Style Media Alert

I'm filling in for Mitch this week at Shot in the Dark. Mitch says he's going on vacation, but his choice of susbstitute indicates that it might actually be a rehab stint.

Accordingly, posting by me on KAR may be lighter than normal, but I'll try to crosspost anything that's KARish here.

Pray for mitch.

Friday, June 16, 2006

It’s the fish

Abdominal pain, nausea and dehydration suffered by airline passengers can only mean one thing; they must’ve eaten the fish.

Summertime and the Blogging is Easy

It begins every year around Memorial Day. Bloggers who watch their stats (which is to say, all bloggers) note the onset of the Summer Traffic Doldrums season (STDs) - a moderate dip in regular daily traffic that runs roughly through September while most people eschew their computers for sunshine.

The best part of STDs is that with the more modest traffic comes a new freedom to write something extremely stupid, pointless or just gross, because there's fewer people out there to drive away from your site. For example, last year's STDs inspired this post, which has gone on to achieve legendary status.

So in the spirit of STDs 2006, I offer you this parody song, dedicated to - who else? - Ryan.

Sung to the tune of Gary Lewis and the Playboys' Everybody Loves a Clown. Midi file here for a more authentic experience. Sing along at work. I dare you.


Everybody loves to poop, so why don't you?
Everybody loves to squeeze out a stinky poo
We all grunt when we strike the pose
But you don't laugh, you just hold your nose
Everybody loves to poop, so why can't you
Drop the kids off at the pool?

Most people don't have a problem taking a shit -
Going to the porcelain bank for a deposit.
I don't know why you're so bound up -
Try a little fiber and take a big dump
It's not easy to take a poop, you see
When your diet is mainly cheese

Everybody loves to poop, so why don't you?
Caca, poopie, stool, turds and doo doo.
I know that I, whenever I'm able,
Love to sit down and lay some cable.
Guess you'll be the one who plays the part
Of the guy who can only fart.

Dreamin' of droppin' a log and not just a really loud fart
Dreamin' of droppin' a log and not just a really loud fart
Dreamin' of droppin' a log and not just a really loud fart
Dreamin' of droppin' a log and not just a really loud fart

Thursday, June 15, 2006

George W Bush Can Teach Us a Lot About U2

Sunday bloody sunday. -- George W Bush

This is one of the greatest things I have ever seen.

Dave? You know what I'm thinking, buddy. Make it The Trooper.

(KAT to da psycmeister)

Moron Marketing

I recently had my first experience with the new version of Windows Media Player. If you must know, I was listening to this, one of the most underrated CDs in the history of the universe - if for no other reason than the uppercut STP delivers to Courtney Love's grill in "Too Cool Queenie."

Anyway, the new version contains quite a few new features that are a vast improvement over the old version. For one, WMP now gives a track listing with the song titles instead of "Track 01, Track 02" etc. Also there are a wider variety of trippy visual effects that can coax out the inner epileptic in just about anyone.

But for my money ($0) the most eye-catchingest feature is the picture of the album cover of the currently-playing CD in the lower right hand corner of the window. The cover art reproduction, while extraneous, is a nice aesthetic touch.

But wait. There's a hyperlink above the cover image:

"Buy (this) CD from MSN Music"



I, uh... er...

Oh, never mind.

Is there hope for the LA TIMES?

It’s too soon to tell, but I’m encouraged by this.

Peter Wallsten a writer for the Times is damn near blind and refuses to play the victim even though he could get some great mileage from it:

Wallsten said Bush called his cell phone later in the day to apologize and tell him that he didn't know he had the disease. Wallsten said he interrupted and told the president that no apology was necessary and that he didn't feel offended since he hadn't told anyone at the White House about his condition.

"He said, `I needle you guys out of affection,'" Wallsten said. "I said, 'I understand that, but I don't want you to treat me any differently because of this.'"

My faith in humankind has been restored.

Eat at Joe's

Oh to live in the happy-happy-joy-joy-let's-all-hold-hands-and-share-a-Coke-rainbows-and-unicorns-love-will-find-a-way-seashells-and-balloons world of a career diplomat:

Former U.S. Ambassador Joseph Wilson, whose wife was at the center of a CIA leak case that led to the indictment of Vice President Cheney's top aide, argued Wednesday that the U.S. needs to bring Iraqi insurgents and their "foreign patrons" to the conference table for negotiations.

During a panel discussion at the liberal Take Back America conference in Washington, D.C., Wilson said diplomatic efforts to establish Iraq as a democratic power in the region should also include "the Egyptians, the Jordanians, the Saudis, the Iranians ... the Turks, probably some leading powers from Europe and Russia, all of whom have interests at stake."

Peace talks with people who indisciminately kill for no other purpose than to install an new Taliban.

It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to see at which point these negotiations might hit an impasse. Oh we've encountered this line of "thought" before. But this time it's -


JOE WILSON INTERRUPTS: Well, Mr. Dementee, let's talk about that.

DEM: TALK ABOUT WHAT???????!!!!!!!!!

JOE: We need to open a dialogue about your constant desire to eat people with whom you disagree. Like me, for instance.


JOE: I see. And how does that make you feel? After eating one of these moonbats?

DEM: FULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOE: I see. Don't you think that there might be more constructive ways of dealing with your conflicts? Let me tell you: when our lives were in a shambles after my wife's career was ruined by Karl Rove -


JOE: Oh no. Karl Rove broke the law and should be sent to prison. Any rational human being like me knows that Fitzgerald's refusal to indict Rove means he's guilty of a capital offense and should get the death penalty.


JOE: Let's just put that aside and focus on this negotiation. Let me ask you: what is it that you need? What do you hope to gain from this talk we're having?


JOE: Now Dementee, you know that is an unacceptable outcome of this negotiation. I implore you to do some introspection on your motives. I believe that you only want to eat me because I make you angry. And why do I make you angry?


JOE: Well, that's your opinion. There are others who think that I am the smartest person on earth.


JOE: I am sorry to see that you are not taking this dialogue seriously. I urge you to rethink your motives and work toward what's in the best interests of everyone. If you eat me, the only person who will be satisfied is yourself. And as time goes by, you will come to find that your momentary catharsis from digesting me will fade, and you'll again be on the prowl to kill another moonbat. It's a cycle of violence that only you can stop. But it is a cycle that sooner or later you must stop.


JOE: I am glad that you are seeing it my way. Can we now move forward with a common understanding of peace and brotherhood?


JOE: Great! Man, I am one good diplomat! Now I'm off to Martha's Vinyard to -


DEM: CHOMP!!!!!!!


DEM: *burp* YUMMY!!!!!


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

An Inconvenient Scientist

Global warming alarmism is a crock of shit.

Yeah, I understand I'm preaching to the choir here. But with the release of noted divinity and law school dropout Al Gore's glossy propaganda piece, the rhetoric is going to continue, er, heating up. Al, and all those robots out there who continue to uncritically swallow this "science" have started goosestepping out their message:

Will doesn't get it

George F. Will's June 12 column about Al Gore's movie suggests that the columnist can't see the forest for the trees. He is actually down at the leaf level with his commentary.

Will's smug dissection of the movie, and of Gore's stance on global warming and the environment, shows appalling arrogance and ignorance. Does he not have children or grandchildren who are entitled to enjoy an environment not tainted by the current generation of gas-guzzlers and polluters?

This really isn't a political issue -- it is a health issue involving the health of our planet.
Will should stop ignoring the reams of evidence. He should pull his head out of the leaves and see the forest -- before it is gone.


But Al Gore does

"An Inconvenient Truth" is a movie not to be missed!

Go and see it immediately, then come home and change your lightbulbs, buy a hybrid car, use the light rail, plant a tree and check your thermostat.

If we don't, our poor planet will not be able to support us, or our children and grandchildren.


Good Lord.

The propaganda manifests itself in 2 ways: first, climate change morons tend to almost exclusively point out some imagined parade of horrors that will result from increased warming, while offering no more explanation for the cause than "it's the CO2 stupid." Have you seen the previews for Gore's movie? It features an animation of a cute polar bear standing on an ice floe as it melts away from underneath it, the shrinking snows of Kilimanjaro (sp?) etc. What you don't see, and probably don't in the movie either (I'll watch it when it comes out on DVD with a large roomful of people to minimize the amount of money Mr. Law School Dropout gets from me) (Hey! Maybe we could do a live MST3K treatment of the movie! Mitch, Chad, Nihilist: have your people get in touch with my people!) (End of overly-intrusive parentheticals), are charts like this that tend to show either that increasing temperatures on earth cause increased atmospheric CO2, and not vice versa, or wooly mammoths drove Hummers and farted a lot. In that chart, the peaks are interglacial periods and the troughs occur during ice ages.

Oh I'm sure they'll present some data, like this famous chart. But note the presentation. The vertical axis plots temperatures by .2 of a degree so as to show dramatic fluxuations in temperature (based, I might add, on incomplete data). If you were to present this chart plotting global temperatures by a single full degree, it would look like this:


Oh, I know what you climate bobos are saying: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Go read this fucking book and get back to me. On second thought, don't get back to me. You're stupid.

The second way the global warming propaganda mill presents itself is by its selective citation of "experts". They tend to be heavy on those folks who study the ancillary effects of warming (and don't get me wrong - the earth is getting warmer; in much the same way that it got warmer after the Wurm glaciation ended.), rather than climatologists - you know: those guys that actually have some knowledge of atmospheric science. This piece makes the point rather well, quoting a host of prominent climatologists who see this bunk for what it really is - baseless alarmism:

Professor Bob Carter of the Marine Geophysical Laboratory at James Cook University, in Australia gives what, for many Canadians, is a surprising assessment: "Gore's circumstantial arguments are so weak that they are pathetic. It is simply incredible that they, and his film, are commanding public attention."

But surely Carter is merely part of what most people regard as a tiny cadre of "climate change skeptics" who disagree with the "vast majority of scientists" Gore cites?

No; Carter is one of hundreds of highly qualified non-governmental, non-industry, non-lobby group climate experts who contest the hypothesis that human emissions of carbon dioxide (CO2) are causing significant global climate change. "Climate experts" is the operative term here. Why? Because what Gore's "majority of scientists" think is immaterial when only a very small fraction of them actually work in the climate field.

Oh snap. There are many more. RTWT.

I know what some of you less gifted automatons are saying: "Hey those are all foreign scientists out there! Couldn't they find any American climatologists? You know, ones that aren't from a foreign country?"

Believe it or not, somebody actually used that argument once. Bet you can figure out who it was.
Anyway, meet Dr. William Gray. Dr. Gray is a professor of of atmospheric science at Colorado State University. Oh, he's not just any climatology professor. He is THE climatology guy. This guy has cred (emphasis mine):

From his office at Colorado State University at the foot of the Rocky Mountains and 65 miles north of Denver, William M. Gray pioneered the concept of "seasonal" hurricane forecasting - predicting months in advance the severity of the coming hurricane season. Gray's prognostications, issued since 1983, are used by insurance companies to calculate premiums, media outlets to remind coastal residents of the hazards of bad weather, and even storm window manufacturers who have cited the forecasts in their sales pitches.

No, I mean serious cred:

After 20 years of studying tropical cyclones Gray carved out the niche that made him famous - at least for an academic forecaster. The head of the National Hurricane Center had bemoaned the inability to predict the severity of the next hurricane season. Gray started puzzling through the basic storm theory he had been teaching for decades and wondered if there was a way to look at atmospheric factors and extrapolate what might happen in the months ahead. His first forecast was a sensation. "Anyone who could say anything about the coming season, that was big stuff," Gray said.

His take on man-made global climate change?

"It's one of the greatest hoaxes ever," Gray says of global warming, theorizing that it's an alarmist hypothesis made to snare research dollars. Gray believes that climbing temperatures are caused by cyclical warming in the oceans, and that the globe will cool down again in the next 10 to 15 years.

I believe he also referred to it as "brainwashing" at some point too. I disagree. In order to be brainwashed, one necessarily needs to have a brain. And it's a good bet that Dr. Gray doesn't make a cameo in "An Inconvenient 'Truth'".

Mark my words: 10, 15 years from now, we''ll be looking back at this climate change hysteria the same way we now view the swine flu.

Remember that? The vaccine killed more people than the disease did.

Spare me phony indignation

Update: Thank you to LearnedFoot for pointing out the error in my acronym.

Putting on their ever-present Hats-of-Hypocrisy and Righteous Indignation, the Pointy-Headed-Pricks (PHPs) on the Star and Sickle editorial board are crying a river over the shots the GOP is taking shots at outgoing (thank the Lord) Senator Mark Dayton and his would be successor (please, God, no), Amy Klobuchar.

For the Republican Party to go out of its way to ridicule [Dayton’s] service, as it has done repeatedly this year, is unmannerly. To take that ridicule to the extreme seen in a new web video (at is un-Minnesotan.

Hey PHPs, you just pegged my bullshit meter.

Was it un-Minnesotan when House Democrats attempted to hold up a Republican-sponsored resolution honoring President Ronald Reagan with an amendment about budget deficits?

Brought forth in May of 2004, I believe, the Democrats saw fit to take shots, not at a lame duck Senator, but at a former President who was just a few weeks away from death.

Dayton isn’t dying; he’s leaving office because he knows he’ll get his elitist ass kicked by anyone the Republicans put forward.

As for the video (at Welcome to the blood sport of politics.

The Minnesota GOP did a great job of marrying Klobuchar’s words with what Dayton has said and done during his amazingly unremarkable one term in the US Senate.

What’s got the PHPs hacked off is how effective the video is.

In the last paragraph, the PHPs ask:

What does it bode for civility in public discourse, when a major party starts the campaign season by trampling this state's norm of respect for retiring elected officials?

What about respecting a retired elected official who’s on his deathbed?

What of civility then?

LearnedFoot Avoids Falling Off Cliff

Time to revise the stylebook. Check this AP headline:

Rove Avoids Indictment

With apologies to the Nihilist, I present to you the Top 1 Method for "Avoiding" Indictments:

1. Not breaking the law.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Meme Haiku

Oh crap. I got tagged.
I would be Homer: all id,
No consequences.

KAR is where
Memes go to die. Therefore
I shall tag no one.




BILL: That's the Great Leftyblog Patrick Fitzgerald Plame Leak Investigation Masturbate-o-thon. It's been going on for like 10 months straight. Haven't you heard it.


LEARNEDFOOT: I've actually been able to tune it out. It took a while, but it had to be done. It's hard to concentrate when you have the constant noise of a million moonbats whacking themselves off simultaneously.



LF: You'll get used to it. Besides, it can't go on for much longer. A couple of weeks ago, some reputable moonbat blogs wrote that indictments against Karl Rove were "imminent". Hopefully we'll see them in the next couple of days so the moonbats can shoot their loads, and we can get on with our lives in peace.

BILL: Indeed. In fact one of those blogs - called "Truthout," so you know it's accurate - actually phrased the lede to the post as if those indictments have already been drawn up:

Karl Rove Indicted on Charges of Perjury, Lying to
Investigators By Jason Leopold

Not much room for doubt there. He even based his story on two - count 'em two! - anonymous sources. That's solid journalism. put it this way:

Rove Indictment is Imminent

Karl Rove gave up the policy part of his job for a simple reason: he's about to
be indicted and frog-marched out of the White House in handcuffs, thus making Joe
Wilson's dream
come true.

Compelling analysis, that.


BILL: Wait a minute...


LF: Hear that? The noise stopped.

DEM: CURIOUS!!!!!!!!

LF: What the hell...


LF: OMG! You guys are going to laugh:

Top White House aide Karl Rove has been told by prosecutors he won't be charged
with any crimes in the investigation into the leak of a CIA officer's identity,
his lawyer said Tuesday, lifting a heavy burden from one of President Bush's
most trusted advisers.

Attorney Robert Luskin said that special
prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald informed him of the decision on Monday, ending
months of speculation about the fate of Rove, the architect of Bush's 2004
re-election now focused on stopping Democrats from capturing the House or Senate
in this November's elections.


BILL: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

LF: *snort* Pepsi...just...shot...out my nose!

BILL: Awwwww yeah.


LF: Ah. It satisfying to watch these assholes tumble headlong into a hole that they themselves dug by publishing a "news" story that reflected their hopes and dreams (what pathetic dreams BTW) rather than reality.

BILL: How much you wanna bet that right now, the lifeforms behind "Truth"out are furiously pounding out a story about how Rove got off the hook by offering up testimony to implicate Dick Cheney?


BILL: Hahahahahahahahahaahahah!!!!!


LF: OK, guys, that's enough. - While the taunting and grim satisfaction of watching a moonbat's blog cred evaporate before your very eyes is fun, let's remember to have a little compassion here.

BILL: Compassion? What the hell for?


LF: We must have compassion for all those moonbats out there with sore genitals and nothing to show for it.

DEM: *sigh* WORD!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Ellison in Haiku

Ellison has changed
He thinks that no one else can
Not whitey that is

Bush plot revealed

I’m now convinced that the increases in hurricane frequency and strength are a Bush administration scheme to keep media attention off of his failed policies and trumped-up wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

We won’t hear another word about the war on terror until Osama is miraculously captured just before the November election.

Time to Put Old Scout Down

Consider yourselves lucky, oh you who reside outside Minnesota. While the rest of America merely suffers from the collaborative effort by Robert Altman and Garrison Keillor to make Ambien obsolete, we here have to put up with the incessant low-toned whine of Keillor's brain droolings on a weekly basis.

You thought "Prairie Home Companion" was bad. Well the Strib runs a column by Keillor every Sunday. It's usually quite bad. Really bad (temp link). Think: Maureen Dowd with too much self self-esteem and twice as much willful ignorance bad. At least Dowd has the redeeming quality of having tits. No word if they are "angel tits," however.

I see by the papers that the Republicans want to make an issue of Nancy Pelosi in the congressional races this fall: Would you want a San Francisco woman to be Speaker of the House? Will the podium be repainted in lavender stripes with a disco ball overhead? Will she be borne into the chamber by male dancers with glistening torsos and wearing pink tutus? After all, in the unique worldview of old elephants, San Francisco is a code word for g-a-y, and after assembling a record of government lies, incompetence and disaster, the party in power hopes that the fear of g-a-y-s will pull it through in November.

No. The Republicans want to make Pelosi the poster child for the dems because a) she stands to be Speaker of the House if the Dems take control and b) Pelosi is not a code word for g-a-y; it's a code for b-a-t-s-h-i-t-l-o-o-n-e-y-t-o-o-n-l-e-f-t-w-i-n-g-s-o-c-i-a-l-i-s-t-w-h-o-'s-i-d-e-a-o-f-f-i-g-h-t-i-n-g-t-e-r-o-r-i-s-t-s-i-s-t-a-k-i-n-g-t-h-e-m-o-u-t-f-o-r-a-s-o-y-l-a-t-t-e.

And San Francisco is code for (I'm going to eschew the hyphens here because that took way to long to type) "brain dead public policy." If you had actually read "the papers" rather than merely establishing your bona fides by saying that you'd read them, you probably would have figured that out.

But feel free, Garri, to indulge whatever cartoonish stereotypes (as for those, we're just getting started, as you'll see) your twerpy cornpone-addled "brain" devises.

Running against Nancy Pelosi, a woman who comes from a district where there are known gay persons, is a nice trick,

Uh, no. She's the minority leader. Just like the Dems are going to put a Tom Delay mask on every republican they run against.

Nice trick running against Tom Delay. Tom Delay's from Texas. And there are macho cowboys in Texas who own guns!

Hey, this is easy! Can I get a taxpayer subsidy to start my own radio show too?

but it does draw attention to the large shambling galoot who is Speaker now, Tom DeLay's enabler for years, a man who, judging by his public mutterances, is about as smart as most high school wrestling coaches.


Hastert? He was a high school history teacher with a masters in Education, y'know? Public school, even. I suppose your reverence for that noble profession extends only to those who drink provide your kool aid.

Oh, but your B.A. in English is much more impressive.

For the past year, Dennis Hastert has been two heartbeats from the presidency. He is a man who seems content just to have a car and driver and three square meals a day. He has no apparent vision beyond the urge to hang onto power. He has succeeded in turning Congress into a branch of the executive branch. If Mr. Hastert becomes the poster boy for the Republican Party, this does not speak well for them as the Party of Ideas.

Her's a thought: you can be much more persuasive if you actually back up your bald assertions with facts. I mean, I could sit here and call you a simple-minded, kool aid drinking party hack bigot, but that would have absolutely no impact unless I provided some examples of the behavior I am describing.

Fortunately, you made it easy for me by providing this column.

People who want to take a swing at San Francisco should think twice. Yes, the Irish coffee at Fisherman's Wharf is overpriced,

The coffee? You should see the parking! $17 an hour in most ramps along the Embarcadero!

and the bus tour of Haight-Ashbury is disappointing (where are the hippies?), but the Bay Area is the cradle of the computer and software industry, which continues to create jobs for our children.

Blah blah blah. And most of the rocket scientists are in Alabama, Houston or Florida. And let's not forget the high tech incubator known as the Research Triangle located in (gasp) North Carolina. Your point is?

The iPod was not developed by Baptists in Waco.

And the automobile wasn't invented by patchouli wearing moonbats from Berkeley.

There may be a reason for this. Creative people thrive in a climate of openness and tolerance, since some great ideas start out sounding ridiculous. Creativity is a key to economic progress. Authoritarianism is stifling. I don't believe that Mr. Hewlett and Mr. Packard were gay, but what's important is: In San Francisco, it doesn't matter so much.

I think I'm going to be ill.

When the cultural Sturmbannfuhrers try to marshal everyone into straight lines, it has consequences for the economic future of this country.

I was wondering how long it would take for Karl Marx here to come up with a Nazi reference.

Remember: this guy is a revered man of letters.

I'm going to skip the next graf because it's the same old "the president is a moron" crap that's been written a thousand times before by people who tend to confuse "good public speaker" with "intelligence," thereby revealing their own.

You might not have always liked Republicans, but you could count on them to manage the bank. They might be lousy tippers,

OK this is only anecdotal evidence, but since that's all that this pugshit offers - when he bothers to offer any at all - I'm comfortable with it.

In my vast experience of eating out with members of all political persuasions, without fail, I have yet to see a liberal tip more than 15% (my wife and I average about 20%). In fact, there has been more than one occasion where we had to augment a liberal's tip (in one instance, we're talking 5% - and the service was good!) to avoid embarrassment, and to give the waitress what she deserved.

I'm sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable. If that's the case, please return to whichever "reality"-based planet you came from, and stop bothering those of us who were unable to obtain a taxpayer subsidy to jump-start our careers.

act snooty, talk through their noses,

Excuse me? Garrison? Earth to Garrison: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD YOURSELF SPEAK?

wear spats and splash mud on you as they race their Pierce-Arrows through the village, but you knew they could do the math.

What the hell are "spats"?

As long as we're painting stupid ill-informed caricatures, why don't we do a quick profile on Keillor's "Prairie Home" fans:

People who listen to NPR...

...on Saturday nights.

To see them produce a ninny and then follow him loyally into the swamp for five years is disconcerting, like seeing the Rolling Stones take up lite jazz. So here we are at an uneasy point in our history, mired in a costly war and getting nowhere, a supine Congress granting absolute power to a president who seems to get smaller and dimmer, and the best the Republicans can offer is San Franciscophobia? This is beyond pitiful. This is violently stupid.

You're right: this is violently stupid. And terribly unoriginal. There's got to be some sort of gentleman's plagiarism agreement among lefty columnists because they all say the exact same thing in the exact same way.

And again with the willful ignorance: it's not San Franciscopobia. It's Droolingmoonbatasspeakerofthehousephobia.

It is painful to look at your father and realize the old man should not be allowed to manage his own money anymore. This is the discovery the country has made about the party in power. They are inept. The checkbook needs to be taken away. They will rant, they will screech, they will wave their canes at you and call you all sorts of names, but you have to do what you have to do.

Who's screeching and ranting, again?

Ellison Update

Yesterday my future Congressman entered the viper’s den, as his old friend Louis Farrakhan might have called it, the Beth El Synagogue in St. Louis Park, and pulled the wool over their eyes.

He told the gathering, “I've always been a friend of the Jewish community. [ed - and I treat them just like they’re real people.]

Ellison also said, “I wasn't proud of my work with the Nation of Islam, [ed – but my long-time association with its leader Louis Farrakhan, the most misunderstood man on the planet, was a wonderful time in my life.]

Ellison did not address whether he would remove the knife he stuck in Rich Stanek’s back that helped derail his career.

His message to voters is: Vote for me because I’ve changed.

His message to Stanek is: Screw the white guy because he can’t change.

My message to Ellison is: Screw the two-faced political hack who’s willing to say anything in order to get his ass in a seat in Congress.

Meet my next Congressman

Come January Keith Ellison (DFL) will be representing the Fifth Congressional District. I realize the election isn’t until November, but considering the real estate that comprises the Fifth, Ellison can’t lose, even if he’s found with a live boy or a dead hooker.

Always one to withhold my opinion about a person until I have enough information to form one, I can now declare Keith Ellison – DFL candidate for Congress – to be a two-faced political hack who believes accountability stops at his doorstep.

All I needed to read to come to my conclusion was this by Katherine Kersten and this by Doug Grow.

A few excerpts for you:

KK - He is a former outspoken supporter of Louis Farrakhan's
KK – [Ellison] defended Farrakhan in a Minnesota Daily article while a law student at the University of Minnesota.
KK - Ellison claimed that splitting America into two nations, with five Southern states set aside for blacks, would be preferable to "liberal social programs."
KK - "Black people do not live under a democracy," he told the crowd. "You don't have an obligation to obey a government that considers you to be less than human."

DG - "I want people to get to know me."
DG - Ellison's first words often are, "I've grown."

So I’m supposed to overlook his past association with Louis Farrakhan because he tells me he’s grown. He’s changed over the years and, apparently, understands the error of his ways.


I’m not cutting any slack for someone who refused to do the same for another

KK - In April 2004, Minnesota's public safety commissioner at the time, Rich Stanek, resigned after acknowledging making racist comments in 1992. At a news conference, Keith Ellison and other black leaders condemned Stanek's remarks and vowed to fight his confirmation.

Stanek repudiated the comments and said he had changed. Nevertheless, Ellison didn't give him the benefit of the doubt. "He's definitely one to hold other people accountable, so I held him accountable," Ellison told the Star Tribune.

Amazing piece of work, Ellison is. He wants a seat in Congress after cavorting with Farrakhan and stating that Blacks don’t have to obey the law, but believed Stanek unqualified to be Commissioner of Public Safety because he made racist comments 12 years prior.

Anything I say here will be considered racist so I’ll refrain from calling Ellison a race-bating little prick who apparently believes racism is a one way street and that playing slobber face with Farrakhan, arguably the most bigoted, racist, Jew hating individual alive, should not disqualify him from ascending to the United States Congress.

Like I said, Ellison is a two-faced political hack who believes accountability stops at his doorstep.

I don’t think I’ll be voting for him.

LEARNEDFOOT OPENS HIS SNARK HOLE: I'd like to thank Dementee for his measured tone regarding this issue. I am heartened that he resisted the temptation to take this debate to a new shameful low:

Kennedy vs. the Machine (7) took the debate shamefully low, featuring a picture of the dead terrorist with a caption, "Condolences can be sent to [DFL Fifth District congressional candidate Keith] Ellison HQ." Hmmm. Whatever could KvM be implying?

Um, a sense of humor apparently absent in the Blog House?

Gary M. Miller said he "clearly meant to draw parallels to the recently dispatched Al Qaeda leader and the 5th District candidate's shared history of anti-semitism," but Smartie at the Power Liberal (8) has another theory. "Since equating Democrats with terrorists worked so well in '02 and '04, ... Mark Kennedy's surrogates are hoping that it will work one more time in '06. Also, does it surprise anyone that they picked Keith Ellison's name (a black man and a Muslim for anyone not from Minnesota) to put right under the picture? Fine. If they're so proud of their oh-so-coy racism, it's fair to assume this is editorial policy around there. Since Mark Kennedy has previously stated how much he likes KvM and how often he reads that site I assume he's perfectly okay with this kind of racist garbage."

Since race-baiting and blanket accusations of the supposed bigotry of their opponents has worked so well for the Democrats in the past, I suppose why not inject race into this benign comment as well? So now facetiously comparing a former black muslim radical with a former white muslim radical is racist?

They just hate Gary because he's blonde.

Ohhhhh. Sorry about that. I fell into the same trap so many others do when they decide to take short cuts to thinking.

It would be fair to say that Metallicacapella was a "shameful low". But this? No. Don't be a knob.

Big thanks to Dementee for relieving me of the need to do a full-blown Blog Mart this week.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Marching Orders


OK people, the time has come. With all of the members of the "Reality" Based Community occupied both locally and nationally, there is no one to stop us conservatives from implementing our evil plans. While the Defenders of Glorious Progressivism are away (to wail and gnash their teath or whatever it is they do when they have their scowling outragefests) the wingnuts will play.


Now we can do all those things that they always say we want to do with impunity. They're too busy trying to come up with something even cleverer than "Chimpy McBushitler" to monitor our blogs in their ongoing attempts to reveal our nefarious plans. Now we may speak openly about such things. Now we may ACT!



[comedic pause]



What was it we were going to do again?


Ah shit. I don't remember.


I think I'll go golfing.

Sucks to have a life.