Monday, December 01, 2008

Porkin' in the Boys' Room

The Twin Cities has arrived as the premiere destination for travelers to engage in anonymous restroom sex. Yes, from blueblooded elite Senators to salt-of the-earth college football fans, horny vacationers are flocking from all corners of the country to get their knobs polished by strangers in one of the Metro Area's many erotic public restrooms.

And that paragraph followed by a lengthy block quote cribbed from a news story would have been the extent of the post I would have done about that story about the two Hawkeye fans gettin' busy in the men's room stall. However, one of the participants in that tryst - the 37 year old married mother of 3 - had to give an interview to the press and take this story from mildly interesting to fully awesome:

What Lois Feldman, 38, will remember is the humiliation afterward.

“It’s ruined my life,” she said through tears today. “Not just the incident but the press.”

Feldman, a married mother of three, has been the target of Internet jokes and prank telephone calls today. She was fired this morning from an assisted living center, where she had been an administrator.

Feldman said her husband, Kelly, has been supportive. She said he faults himself for not going with her when she left her seat to use the restroom before halftime.

“I don’t know what happened,” Lois Feldman said. “But I don’t deny that it did happen because obviously there are police reports.”

Police ticketed Feldman, 38, and Ross Walsh, 26, of Linden for indecent conduct Saturday night.


Miner said police didn’t measure the blood-alcohol level of Feldman or Walsh. Asked to respond to Feldman’s claim that she was too drunk to recall the incident, Miner said: “That’s probably an accurate statement.”

Feldman said she’d never met Walsh.

“I don’t know who this man is,” she said today. “I just found out his name in the paper last night.”


Feldman, who describes herself as a light drinker, drank wine at the home of family friends before the football game.

She said she doesn’t remember how much she drank, but the party’s hosts refilled her glass each time it was low “so I’m sure I drank a lot.”

Feldman said her husband later told her he’d tried to talk her out of the game because she was intoxicated.

“He said I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she said.

Feldman said her husband accompanied her to the game, but their friends stayed home.

She said she remembers sitting in the stands one moment and the next “being slammed around by a cop and screaming.”

“Apparently I was panicked and very uncooperative,” she said.

Feldman said she “ran away” from her husband the Metrodome after the incident.

She said a woman she didn’t know offered her a ride home about 11 p.m.

Feldman said she gave her husband’s cell phone number to the woman, who called Kelly Feldman for directions to the couple’s hotel.

Lois Feldman said her attorney has encouraged her to fight the ticket.

Yeah, that strategy worked out really well for Larry Craig.

“He feels I was taken advantage of in my state of mind,” she said. “This is not me. We’re a very good family. This shouldn’t happen.”

Happy Thanksgiving!

Obviously, that last line begs a very interesting - if wholly irrelevant to anything that matters in your life - question.

Do you buy her story? Was she so plastered that she had absolutely no clue what she was doing, or is she trying to cobble together a plausible story to save her marriage and reputation?

I have my own thoughts. You can give yours via the poll on the sidebar. Here's the police incident report to help you make an informed and responsible choice. This will also serve as a test to see if Blogger's polling ap sucks less than Pollhost's.

A an epilogue to all this, I note that there hasn't been much said about her partner in crime, Ross Somethingorother. That's probably because, being drunk and from Iowa, he probably thought she was a sheep. Nothing surprising there. [/obligatory Iowa joke]

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