Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I'm so glad we had this time together

Dear KARnies,

We've seen a lot of moving about and jumping out of the blogosphere this past year. Foot moved on to infrequent posting at Nihilist, Nihilist to Fraters, Bogus Doug went to Shot in the Dark, King Banananananaiiiiiiian moving around radio stations, etc. As Foot noted early this year, it is hard to thunderblog and have a life with the demanding mistress that blogging can be:
With geometrically increasing work responsibilities, an awesome family and much lower tolerance for exposing myself to the abject stupidity that served as so much fodder for this ThunderJournal over the last 4-plus years, I simply cannot do that anymore.
I'm in the same position, and something had to give. It is with a heavy fart, er - heart that I announce my retirement from Kool-Aid Report (yeah, I'll waffle like Favre). I'd like to thank Foot for the honor of adding me to his stable of awesome spewers of mirth. I really enjoyed the art direction duties of creating banners, buttons and the occasional PhotoShop of Ryan's ass. This one will always be one of my favorites, because it made fellow MOBster Brad Carlson spew diet coke through his nose:

Foot still runs the show here, and I will repeat his invitation to KAR posters:
I'm not shutting KAR down, so anyone who has permissions to post here, may continue to do so.
That leaves Garcia's head, The Analog Kid, and occasionally our dear leader. And there's always the thousands of thought-provoking, coffee-spewing archives from Foot & co. to enjoy (see right sidebar).

The good news: I'm keeping my Twitter account and you can read Foot's and my tweeties in the right sidebar here. Follow me if you dare (some links not safe for work - but I'll warn you. Maybe).

Thanks for the laughs, the comments, and your readership. See you on Twitter.

With unFAILing love, Cleveland Steamers and mirth,

Iron Matron

The. End. See yous guys at the next MiLF or at Keegan's patio.

PS: And don't forget to give generously to KAR's favorite cause: IBD.

Why Men Get Manicures...

Monday, October 12, 2009

They Hate You! They Really Really Hate You!

When you're a leftyblog "cartoonist", and even the pantloads at "Talking Points Memo" think you suck...
...then it really is time to suck the pipe, creatively speaking.
Especially when they hate you because you make shit up:
this time around, not all speech balloons from Bachmann are necessarily direct quotes from the woman herself. Paraphrases or new punchlines come in -- and unfortunately, this is not a decision for the better.
Ken "Avidor" Weiner; the best cartoonist in the Twin Cities blogosphere - except for Dan Lacey and Swiftee. And Tiger Lilly. And Sisyphus.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Bodily Functions - Week in Review

I realized I haven't posted on poop in a while. Here's a rec(r)ap:

ANA(L) airlines

Japanese airline All Nippon wants passengers to use bathroom pre-flight to cut carbon emissions

We got your emissions right here, ANA. I hope passengers all enjoy a Chipotle before boarding, so as to clog the toilets and fill the cabin with anal-charged aromatherapy.

I'm Number One!!!1!
Borrowing and using a catheter during a race should not cause even a wee bit of trouble, meaning that the 81-year-old age-division winner in Sunday's Twin Cities Marathon avoids disqualification, officials said Thursday.
I know I'm relieved. Ba dum BUM.

Finally, enjoy this before you head out to Chipotle for lunch. Update: YouTube pulled the link below for copyrights, so watch the clip here.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

No Favre Hate in KARville

...unless you're a Packer fan. Vikes won 30-23. Sisyphus' alert graphic hasn't been upgraded yet, but Pack fans are decidedly in code orange:

White-hot Favre haters, feel free to pile on in the comments section. Favre fans, pile on the love.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

The Official Brett Favre Hate-fest Pile-on Round-up

It's Monday.

It's also Packer/Vikings game day. Foot's been hatin' on Favre ever since he turned purple. For example, his last Favre alert status graphic:

As a public service, KAR offers our comments section to vent your burning, white-hot hatred of Favre. Of course, it can also as a clearinghouse for Packer hate. We don't care, frankly. Just pile on, you'll feel better.

I'll start:

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Landscaping WIN

Friday, September 25, 2009

80's Male FAIL

Holy crap! The 80's. Pitiful, effeminate girley-men:

Fred, the Jeffrey Daumerish, geekish Viking at 3:45 wins. I'll look around for the ladies version, where I'm sure their hair and glasses will fill the frame. Eeesh.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Are You Ready For Some Football (on the Oregon Trail)?

Nice to see others having fun with Favre's retirement status.

Monday, September 14, 2009

When Things Seem At Their Worst, Play This Video.

Work advisory alert - but if you have earbuds and your monitor doesn't face the aisle, crank it up!

I know I feel much better.

NFL Tip of the Day: How To Stall While Answering A Question

Update: KAR has learned that Ellis was diagnosed with a speech impediment, so maybe Failblog failed with that one. A couple of friends with speech impediments laugh and carry on when they are affected, so we'll do the same and like um, move on.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Minnesota Reorganization of Bloggers

Okay. Let's see if I got this "organization" straight: Foot moved to Nihilist in Golf Pants, Sisyphus and Nihilist moved to Fraters, Bogus Doug jumped to Mitch, and Mr. D has turned into a neighborhood. I know I'm forgetting some.

To end the confusion, I propose we all move to one single-payer, universal coverage MOB blog:

Shot in the Nihilist's Small City Exposed Buddha Machine.

KARnies: your consolidated blog title suggestions in the comments section, please.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Parent-Teacher Meeting Assignment

Most students I trust made it through their first day of school. I loaned my whoopie cushion to my neighbor (starting 9th grade) so he could punctuate Obama's speech. This Family Guy scene shows an innovative way for parents to make their first PTA meeting a little less boring (if a whoopie cushion isn't handy):

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Who Was That Masked Man?

Did Teh Andeeee or the Swifteee get into Betty (Rubble) McCollum's town hall last night?


Monday, August 24, 2009

Favre Alert Status Set To Music

Thank you, Elmer. This is brilliant.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Favre Alert Status Redesign

Given the current situation, we here in KAR's Department of Favreland Security have decided that the old Brett Favre Status Alert Level Meter (example of old regime here) simply was not up to the task of tracking the fickle QB's ever-changing moods and deceptions. Furthermore, it's rather confusing, what with its 5 colors, and various black lines and text. So we have simplified the Status Alert graphic, sacrificing specificity for clarity and accuracy.

The new Modified Brett Favre Status Alert Level has been set to Threat Level Purple:

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Poster WIN

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

MiLF 5: The Usual Winners

Team Koolaid in Golf Pants wins the Millard Fillmore again this year, proudly shooting off small tongues of fire to celebrate.

Note the toy lawn mower — that was a housewarming gift for loser Teh Andee. Well played gentlemen - see you on the turf next year.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Favre Status Update, Updated

Who else was considered? The PiPress said Favre, Favre and Favre:
Apparently, Favre was Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. The Vikings chose not to pursue other quarterback options such as Jay Cutler, Matt Cassel, Kurt Warner or Matt Hasselbeck, among others. They did sign Rosenfels, a career backup. So here we are.
Maybe we can draft someone else out of retirement. 69 is the new 39.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Brett Favre Alert Status Update!!!1!

Mr. Fastbucks requested an update with the latest buzzword. We at KAR (a skeleton crew of 1 now, I think) are happy to oblige:

On a side note, at the post-MILF tonight, Foot dressed his son in Packers pajamas to help invoke a decision (as we all threw three Hail Mary Passes). We'll know Favre made his decision when we see white and green smoke coming from Foot's chimney. Don't confuse that smoke with the "tongue of fire" pyrotechnics or King Banianananan's ceegar).

The MiLF is here...

... and teams are gathering at noon to some unlucky golf course in the 'burbs.

Follow our tweeties throughout the day and evening:


KOOLAID IN GOLF PANTS (Defending champs, final group):
Paul "C'mon Get" Happe

Mike G.
Troy Johnson

Steve Gigl

John (Not Jon) Stewart
Teh Andee

Saturday, July 18, 2009

To Ken Weiner

...Or Ken Avidor (just to make sure you get your vanity google alert).

Dear Mentally Ill Drama Queen:

Notwithstanding your long-held obsession with Mitch Berg;

And notwithstanding your history of shopping around whatever "dirt" you may have on him to fellow left-wing douchebloggers;

And notwithstanding your publishing "dirt" you think you have on Berg on some hastily-erected blog created solely for that purpose and none other;

And notwithstanding the fact that you weren't really curious enough to find out that the source of most of this "dirt" was from a fellow crazy person who's been subject to at least one restraining order;

And notwithstanding that for the past several years, through your "art" and your half-witted "writing," you have shown yourself to be an unstable, hate-filled zealot;

And notwithstanding the fact you stalk people you hate:

Nobody actually thinks you burned down Mitch Berg's garage.

But by all means, continue to protest your innocence (which nobody seriously impugned). The police will be sure to take notice sooner or later.

Friday, July 03, 2009


I'll bet Learned Foot entered this TV weather contest:

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Sure Sign That the MiLF is Coming

As Inigo Montoya would say, "I do not think that word means what you think it means."

Friday, May 22, 2009


It's what bwings one of our favowite couples togevah... May 23. In honor of the nuptuals, KAR presents a favorite wedding scene:

Check out Night Writer for the Blog Wedding of the Century. You may wonder why they didn't ask us to live blog, but we all know it's because they don't like our choice of wedding cakes, photos and commentary from Ryan's wedding. While our feelings are hurt, we know the happy couple will always have KAR as an ongoing wedding present. And who knows what Foot and friends have up their sleeves at NIGP.

Cheers to Ben and Faith.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Spam of the Day

This just arrived in my inbox (remember, I'm a chick):
From: Adebowale Alverton
Date: Mon, 18 May 2009
To: Iron Matron
Subject: Make it reach your knee

We are sure that lengthening will help you boost your intimate life!

Lite your bedroom with fire once and for all!
My boobs might reach my knee without my bra, but that would hardly light my bedroom with fire.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Monday, April 27, 2009

Fishing Season FAIL

Friday, April 17, 2009

A Snappy Foreign Earworm Sing-Along

Properly translated to Engrish, of course:

Sauce got done for turd, young May!

Twitted from my Tweeter.

Monday, April 06, 2009


I'm hijacking KAR for a moment to state, for the record, my Lego cartoons make Fleen look like amateurish twaddle.

UPDATE: Yes, I changed this title from "KAR Hijacking" to "KAR-jacking." And, yes, I'm very mad at myself for not going with "KAR-jacking" to begin with. I'm slipping in my advancing age.

LEARNEDFOOT ADDS: My films are far superior to Ryan's. Plus, I found this ap first; if you don't count Lileks finding it before me.

RYAN (XERXES) ADDS: *snort* His "films." Next we'll see Foot wearing a beret and white scarf, clutching a cigarette holder.

Monday, March 23, 2009

As the Yule Log is to Christmas, The Bacon Log is to MiLF

This is a must-have menu item for the 2009 post-MiLF feast. The video lasts 13 minutes, so could also function like the yule log video played on Christmas Day. Enjoy. A drool napkin is recommended.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Politics At Its Finest

While we mourn fewer Foot posts here (and even fewer from me for awhile), let this be of cheer and a reminder of KAR's raison d'ĂȘtre:

Don't forget you can also follow Foot and me at Twitter while we're in recess.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Iron Maiden, Supertramp, David Bowie, Yes and Iron Maiden Can Teach Us a Lot About the Future of Blogging

Times change very quickly and you have to grow up early. Ch-ch-ch-changes changing places, so I must be moving on. My heart is heavy as I turn my back and leave.

-- Iron Maiden, David Bowie, Yes, Supertramp and Iron Maiden

As you may have noticed, my output has been a bit thin lately. Running a ThunderJournal is hard work, and -

OK, I'll wait for you to stop laughing.


Any time now...



Thank you.

Anyway, a ThunderJournal is a demanding mistress. If you've got enough game to build a readership, those readers tend to expect you to bring it it every day. You come to exist solely for their own amusement. Which is fine I guess. But it necessarily follows that if you want to keep your readership you have to bring it every day. With geometrically increasing work responsibilities, an awesome family and much lower tolerance for exposing myself to the abject stupidity that served as so much fodder for this ThunderJournal over the last 4-plus years, I simply cannot do that anymore.

But I can't quit either, because I'm just so damn awesome.

So, effective immediately, I will be blogging full time (approx. 2 posts per week) at the Nihilist in Golf Pants. There, I can do my thing without having to worry about shlepping out a post every day. I'm sure most readers see this as a natural fit that will finally allow that great blog to take it to the next level; kind of like what David Beckham did for the popularity of American soccer.

Wait...no. That's a bad example.

Well, whatever. I'll be bringing all the old KAR stuff with me: Sisyphus Open Threads, Bobo the Foul-Mouthed Chimp, the occasional Moron Mail, Gay Sasquatch and all the other things. The only difference will be that most of these things will be organized into handy, easy to write 11-item lists. NIGP's Managing editor has only put 2 restrictions on my contributions:

1) No pictures of Ryan's ass; and

2) I'm only allowed one f-bomb per post, except in extraordinary circumstances (like the Dow hitting 5,000 or the Gopher's Hockey team losing to Holy Cross in the tournament again.)

That said, KAR will remain open for the following 2 purposes:

1) Pictures of Ryan's ass;

2) Any and all MilF-related material.

Yes, THE MILF WILL GO ON. Forever. So if you're a MilFer, keep KAR on your RSS feed for the latest on all things MilF.

Big thanks to my original cohort, Bill, and also to Iron Matron who picked up the Art Direction duties when Bill lost interest in them. And I'd also like to give a shout out to Jeffy the Wingnut Slayer who provided so much material (directly or indirectly) over the years and showed me just how fucking imbecilic some people can be.

I'm not shutting KAR down, so anyone who has permissions to post here, may continue to do so.

See you over at Nihilist in Golf pants. I'll have a post up there in about 9 minutes.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Negotiations Are Underway

There possibly may be a Major Announcement on Monday.

Friday Fail

I guess I'll have to give up Christianity for Lent this year...

And, since it's now okay to wear hijabs for MN Drivers License photos, I shall wear this for my renewal photo next year:

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

MilF(man) Returns

All past, present and future MiLFers, PostMilFers, groupies, wannabes and hangers on:

Didn't get the memo? Shoot me an email at koolaidreport (at) yahoo (dot) com, and I'll hook ya' up.

Monday, March 02, 2009

I'm Feeling Good About My IRA. You?

As if Monday's don't suck enough, there's this bit of cheer:
In midafternoon trading, the Dow fell 214.89, or 3 percent, to 6,848.04. The Dow last closed below the 7,000 level on May 1, 1997.

Broader stock indicators also slid. The Standard & Poor's 500 index fell 25.15, or 3.4 percent, to 709.94, and the Nasdaq composite index fell 40.15, or 2.9 percent, to 1,337.69.

The Russell 2000 index of smaller companies fell 15.66, or 4 percent, to 373.36.

That's the reaction of big government coming to our rescue, the Dow tanking faster than "Celebrity Apprentice." For optimists, it's a great time to buy low - or stay the course. But just how low will we go?

"I don't think we find a bottom in the market until we see some sort of increased level of optimism and confidence among consumers and investors," said Baird.

We find plenty of bottoms at KAR (see post below). KAR reader Night Rider found some optimism on a toddler at last week's D.C. Tea Party protest:

Meh. We'll bring out our poop signs at the next protest, and yell "It's like a stimulus, except it says "POOP!"

Friday, February 27, 2009

We Report. You Rewipe.

Long for the days when your ass touched soft cotton diaper material? Well, throw those rolls of TP away — I mean, RECYCLE those rolls and make the switch to Soft Cloth Toilet Wipes!
Using cloth toilet wipes actually has many advantages. For one, it's a lot more comfortable and soft on your most delicate body parts. It's also more economical, uses less paper, and saves you those late-night trips to the store. And cloth wipes can be used wet without any of the sopping disintegration that regular toilet paper is prone to. For a discussion of the practical aspects of using cloth toilet wipes, please check out our page detailing How to Use Cloth Wipes.

Wallypop customer Mary F. prefers to keep her wipes stacked in a basket next to the toilet, and her used wipes go in the wet bag hanging from the toilet paper holder.

Only $11 per dozen basic, $20 per dozen premium, hemp, or sherpa. And, look at the trendy designs!

KAR submitted a stellar design option to the manufacturer:

If anything, they'll make great golf club polishers for the 2009 MiLF. Hey, these would make a good prize for the event! Now we need a prize category. Your ideas welcome in the comments section.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Bobo The Foul-Mouthed Chimp Looking For New Home

Congress acted on new chimp ownership rules as fast as Bobo can fling poo on a zoo visitor:
Rep. Kirk said, "It is inhumane to cage primates in private homes. Besides the animal cruelty concerns, the interstate movement of pet primates creates serious public health and safety risks. The Captive Primate Safety Act takes important steps to address these concerns."
Travis was reported to have lived with a widow, eating lobster and ice cream at the table, wearing human clothes and entertaining himself with a computer and television. Lord knows what else (shudder) he did with his female owner.

So what does this mean for Bobo? We at KAR disagree with the new legislation and hope to place him in a loving home — where Bobo can be Bobo. He has made his choice quite clear, and we heartily agree.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I Don't Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

This is easily the dumbest thing I've read this month:

For at least a decade Republicans have been shrieking and ranting about activist judges. Judges who will ignore law and precedent. Who will interpret our laws and our Constitution instead of upholding them. We all know the truth is that they just want judges who will rule in their favor.

So isn't it interesting to see Governor Tim Pawlenty suggesting that former Senator Norm Coleman's best chance of weaseling his old job back is via activist judges overruling Minnesota law and precedent?
[emphasis mine]

(Blockquoted) "I know some people have grown weary of this, but I think Norm Coleman has a good chance to get this turned over in the courts . . . The bulk of the dispute is over absentee ballots and which ones should be in and which ones shouldn't be in, or shouldn't have been in to begin with. Coleman is appealing about 3800 ballots, and Franken allegedly has about 900 ballots they're going through. The universe that they're dealing with is less than 5000 ballots, and Franken leads by 225 or so. So there are still a lot of ballots to sort out. But we may not know for a month, or for several months . . . It puts [Minnesotans] at a disadvantage when you only have one senator, and major legislation is being considered and debated. I would appoint someone temporarily, but the law doesn't allow it, I can only appoint someone for a permanent vacancy." [emphasis added by moron] (National Review)

It should surprise nobody that I found this nugget on the compendium of local left-wing lunacy, Minnesota Progressive Project (or as I like to call it "MN PP"). I actually think that the creation of this blog is a good thing, for I am certain that at some future time, the technology will exist that will allow us to take all of this self-isolated stupidity and launch it into the sun, disposing of it forever.

Anyway, if you carefully read the above quoted assertion (not recommended unless you are insane, like me) you can only reach the following 2 conclusions about the writer's view:

1) Republicans cannot avail themselves of the courts without being hypocrites &

2) He has no idea what the definitions of "law" and "precedent" are.

In Coleman's case, he is asserting that some absentee ballots were rejected for statutorily impermissible reasons. Or, alternatively, compliance with the statute was rendered impossible by the state (for example, signature lines being covered by address stickers. They may may win on these facts, they may lose on these facts. But there is a case or controversy there, and they are within their rights (and well within common decency) to pursue them. They have - as we law talkin' guys like to say - an argument.

Judges generally do two things when rendering decisions. First, they make findings of fact. That is, they simply try to answer the question, "what happened." Which testimony was believable and relevant? If a Jury was involved, was its verdict supported by evidence? And so on.

The second thing a judge does is advance conclusions of law. What statutes, precedents and other primary law are relevant to the issues of the case? How are they to be interpreted? How much discretion is the court afforded by the applicable law?

And at the nexus of the facts and the law, lies the decision. How does the law as discerned by the court apply the facts found in the case.

Where judicial activism comes in, is where a judge refuses to find a critical fact, or refuses to apply the applicable law because of his or her own individual notion of what justice is. This is especially odious to the conservative since judges are (at least at the federal level) appointed and therefore not accountable to the people. This gives them an awful lot of power, something we as Americans (at least the sane ones) have traditionally balked at.

Secondly, a free ranging judge subverts the will of the people; something that flies in the face of democracy as we know it. When a judge or a court willfully ignores a duly enacted statute by the legislature, or finds some creative reasoning for invalidating it, they are in effect substituting their own capricious judgement for that of a lawmaking body elected by the people.

Given this definition of "judicial activism" (which I think are totally uncontroversial and commonly accepted), reread the blurb above. The only conclusion you can reach is that this kool aid-addled partisan hatchet man honestly believes (though he may not even know it) that any time a conservative avails herself of the courts, she is being a hypocrite and ought to be shamed out of it.

Seriously. Coleman's theory is nothing more than an assertion that Minnesota's absentee ballot law (specifically, section 203B.12 - see if you get any citations at MN PP!) was misapplied by some election judges. They'll either win or lose on that argument. But that's a long way from his team "hoping" that an "activist judge" will rule in their favor based on some capricious application of the law. If they are, MN PP doesn't cite any examples. But like I've said before about these people: the truth doesn't matter to them - only winning and power. Fascists.

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Devil's in the Detailing

Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is a human number. Its number is six hundred and sixty six.

The following is true.

This morning, I was alone in my car. My mind was blank. Just driving to work so I could make some bank. A stubby little truck from some auto salvage company ambled down the road in front of me. Specifically, the truck was owned by "aaa Auto Salvage." At the time I thought nothing of it other than how it was odd that the company's logo would use lower-case letters for its name.

At the first opportunity, I passed the slowly lumbering rig without much thought and even less effort. My puzzlement over the the salvage company's word mark forgotten as trifling and wholly uninteresting. After a fashion I glanced at my rear-view mirror as is my practice as a safe driver in all aspects of that activity other than obeying posted speed limits.

And what did I see? Could I believe? Those three lower case letters (also stenciled on the "mom's attic" jutting out over the cab's roof) staring back at me.


Those 3 lower-case a's as viewed in the mirror's reflection looked quite different, and certainly more sinister as I beheld them:

666 - the number of the beast.

I did a double-take and looked at the mirror again to make sure that what I was seeing was real and not just fantasy. And there it was:

666 - the number of the beast.

Just what I saw in that old mirror - were they reflections of my warped mind staring back at me? Spooked, I thought to myself - "is this real or just some kind of hell"? Those three letters seemed to mesmerize, like Bill's exquisite pies:

666 - the number of the beast.

In any event, I eventually turned off onto another street while the Demon Truck continued straight ahead in on its infernal path; possibly going on to run over puppies or something. It occurred to me that maybe I should inform the Law. But that would have been a silly waste of time.

Still, the whole thing might make a pretty sweet metal song. We could call it "Devil Went Down to Eagan" or something like that.

Friday, February 20, 2009

A Monkey Can't Get a Word in Edgewise.

So maybe you've heard about the outrage coming from the outrage-based community over an editorial cartoon which made use of a well-known cliche that happens to feature a monkey. We have a black president now, after all, so the Keepers of the Language are mandating that all stylebooks must be updated to prevent the word "monkey" from appearing within any proximity of anything Obama has ever had anything to do with.

But what does the simian-based community think of this flap? Their opinion seems to have been lost in the all-signal-no-noise sputtering of the race-baiting jerkasses. Bobo would like to make his feelings known, dammit!

NOTE: Three things for the sake of clarity:

1) Yes, I am aware that chimps are apes, not monkeys.

2) Since Pelosi was the driving force behind the bill, the whole thing seems rather moot, if you ask me. That is, unless "monkey" is also a slur for "rubber-faced blue-blooded skeezebags from San Francisco."


3) PACKAGE! *snicker*

Thursday, February 19, 2009

So, Foot...Where Have You Been?

I needed a break. Thanks for asking.

A break from what?

I needed a break from the stupid. Let me back up and explain.

Blogging - when it's at it's best - is primarily about engagement; engagement with ones readers either intellectually or temporally through comment threads; engagement with co-bloggers; engagement with other bloggers. It's no small thing, really. Even in as large and robust of a blogging "community" (I hate using that word, but it will have to suffice) as the one we have here in Minnesota, all us bloggers have at one time or other connected directly or through a series of attenuated links. And even with our nonblogging readers, there have been built many more connections beyond that which we may have foreseen or even intended. For example, KAR - despite regularly eschewing matters of national interest - has readers in places like Florida, Colorado and Los Angeles. These are people that should not expect to be exposed to someone like, say, Nick Coleman, yet for some strange reason like to see us pound on him.

And that's all nice. And I like it that way.

But by far, the most prominent connection - and readership demographic - is that between and amongst other bloggers in our genre. We all read each other's daily scribblings, even those from across the aisle, and sometimes comment on them. For a while there, it was more of a social scene than it was an attempt at amateur punditry by aggregate. And it was fun.

Unfortunately, when Bill and I started KAR way back in 2004, the genre we waded into was the then already overbloated political one. And I have to say that I have grown weary of it. It's no longer about conversation or engagement. Instead, it's become nothing more than two factions shouting at each other. It's become non-stop campaigning and character assassination. It's become a vehicle for messianic wannabes to feed their egos. It's become a never-ending vendetta against people never met, but loathsome all the same, because those other unspeakables voted for a different guy. It's become worthless.

It's no longer fun.

I started down this road a while ago. I think it was sometime last spring. Maybe earlier. I made a vow to myself that I would not write about anything that I didn't know backwards and forwards. I also pulled back on the baseless ad homina (baseful ad homina still being acceptable) as a way to vent or played for cheap laughs. Thus, most content not having to do with certain areas of the law, bacon and bodily functions went out the door, along with a certain amount of traffic. So be it.

But I think what brought it all home for me - the final straw - was this. I don't think I've seen any politician - and very few people for that matter - treated as brutally and unfairly (though they may have been merely doing as they were told) as Norm Coleman was during this past election. The blogs on the deranged left threw every lame-assed thing they could dig up or imagine at this moderate (former Democrat) Republican from the absurd ("he's got an 'unconventional' marriage *wink*wink*) to the meaninglessly absurd ("his wife wasn't in the kitchen when they filmed that ad OMGWTFBBQ!1!!1!!"), to the specious ("he rented a MANSION of $600!1!11!1") to the absurdly specious (some guy tried to funnel him money even though no money ever reached Coleman, or from what we can tell, even changed hands), to the absurdly absurd ("OMG Coleman's campaign totally crashed his own website!1!!1!111"). That link above goes to my post about that last one. Aaron Landry, during one of his vanity googling jags, found it, and left this comment:

Maybe you should read the evidence I posted before calling me a liar.

I did read the "evidence" he presented. The most compelling of it was that the webmaster (or whomever) pointed the IP address to a dead end, shortly after it got a Drudge-o-lanche.

Oh, I'm sorry, that's not exactly the "evidence" he presented. He left out any reference to the Drudge-o-lanche.

He also failed to consider what good crashing a site meant to find witnesses (the site allowed people to look up their absentee ballots to see if they were rejected) in an ongoing court case would do. A case, mind you, not being tried by a jury (so any attempt to create a PR stir by faking the popularity of this site would be useless on top of being counterproductive).

And there it was. Truth - or at least the search for it -is of no importance to these people. They're just selling a product like so much spam. And they do it so well that they won't even take a moment to think about things that tend to undermine (or in this case, completely obliterate) their point. They've got reputations to assault! Onward!

So in much the same way as I delete the spam mail rather than replying to each one with a strongly worded letter to their authors asking them at what point their lives went so horribly, horribly wrong, it's time to drop out. Spam is no fun. Neither are poli-blogs anymore.

There are those who say that such stupidity ought to be countered. As noted anecdotally above, it's a fool's errand. The best part of it all, is that I can make it all go away by just closing my eyes to it. If more people did that, well, the world would be a much better place. And I should also point out here that there are as many offenders on the right side as there are on the left.

The other remaining good part of blogging is that KAR can be anything I want it to be. In a certain way, it always has been. And it will continue to be. But I can no longer be part of the conversation in the so called "poli-blogs". It's futile and stupid.

Not to say there aren't still good blogs out there. But I only read a handful anymore. Among the few I still read daily are Shot, Fraters, the fitting and starting but always brilliant Bogus Doug, Ryan Rhodes, the Nihilist et al. Those guys all can write, and they all to some extent can demonstrate having a life beyond politics. There are others too, and you can still find them on the sidebar.

As for KAR? I will still be here, plugging along, maybe just not as often as I have. But don't expect any deep analysis of the stimulus package (outside of giggling at the use of the word "package").

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Open Thread - with Frank Zappa lyrics

Foot has been on hiatus, so I'll take this opportunity for a thread to add your deep thoughts in the comments section. The only requirement is that it contain lyrics from a Frank Zappa song.

A sample of the late, great Zappa's prose:
Y'know, my python boot is too tight

I couldn't get it off last night

A week went by, an' now it's July

I finally got it off

An' my girl-friend cry

"You got STINK FOOT!

STINK FOOT, darlin'

Your STINK FOOT puts a hurt on my nose!

Go to it, KARnies.

American I-dull

Two gals from Minnesota have advanced to the next round of American Idol. Jesse Langseth, sister of Jonny Lang and talented, passed (the show will air in the next two weeks). Casey Carlson sucked the big FAIL last night trying to sing a vintage Police tune. My eye is still twitching after hearing part of it on the news. But because she's a hot babe, she got to the next round.

The real winner is this young lady who auditioned on Canadian Idol:

Monday, February 16, 2009

Moron Progressives Seek 1900% Increase in Beer Taxes

Ever heard of progressive taxes? This proposal out of Oregon gives it a whole new meaning:

PORTLAND, Ore. -- Five Oregon state lawmakers want to impose a hefty tax on beer and have introduced a bill that brewers say would cripple them.

Four Portland legislators joined a Springfield senator to introduce Oregon House Bill 2461, which would impose a $49.61 tax on each barrel of beer produced by Oregon brewers.

Why the proposed tax? Probably because these legislative idiots spent themselves into oblivion and want breweries and beer drinkers to bail them out. To be fair, they haven't raised malt beverage taxes in 32 years, but this proposal raises it 1,900%.

House Bill 2461 has been introduced by Portland Reps. Ben Cannon and Michael Dembrow, Portland Sens. Jackie Dingfelder and Diane Rosenbaum, and Springfield Sen. William Morrisette.

May they be slammed with emails, calls and faxes opposing it, then crawl back into their collective communes and come up with a better idea. F-ing morons.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

KAR-Approved Books For Kidz

As we take a brief break this weekend from ThunderJounaling (Check the right sidebar for Foot's ThunderTwittery), enjoy some books recently added in the children's section of the KAR library:

And this group of titles we're in the process of acquiring:

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
16. Strangers Have the Best Candy
17. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
18. You Were an Accident
19. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
20. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
21. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
22. Your Nightmares Are Real
23. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
24. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
25. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I Can Haz Monsters?

Who'd have thought we have a local producer who's putting out a show on unknown life forms?
Whether they're tracking Big Foot, looking for the Loch Ness monster or searching for giant squid, the "MonsterQuest" team is always on the hunt. The brainchild of Blaine producer Doug Hajicek, the show (8 p.m. Wednesdays; History channel) features investigations of unknown animal sightings from around the globe.

On local monsters: "There is stuff that happens within 80 miles of the Twin Cities. We have things like the Cumberland Beast in Cumberland, Wis., right across the border. There are very good, consistent sightings in the spring and fall in the St. Croix area of a Sasquatch or Big Foot creature. We have Peppy, a sea monster that's been seen in Lake Pepin. Minnesota and Wisconsin are not monster-free."
No shit, Sherlock. KAR scouts have posted many a monster sighting in Minnesota...

"Gay Sasquatch" at RNC Convention last September:

Some form of non-monkey, captured in this photo in disguise seeking prey after getting laid off at the Strib:

And the most elusive of all (pictured only once in a grainy photo) Mushroom Man.

No, This Is Not a Repeat from 2008. Or 2007. Or 2006. Or...

I interrupt my ThunderJournaling retirement to present the following tired story:

Brett Favre informed the New York Jets on Wednesday he will retire after 18 seasons, ending a record-setting career in which he was one of the NFL’s premier quarterbacks.

The 39-year-old instructed agent James “Bus” Cook to tell the team of his decision, six weeks after Favre’s only season with the Jets ended in disappointment as New York failed to make the playoffs.

In an e-mail to ESPN, Favre said he has no regrets about ending his career in New York and praised owner Woody Johnson, general manager Mike Tannenbaum and fired coach Eric Mangini

I have two reactions to this:

1) I call bullshit.

2) The Favre Threat Level on the sidebar has been reset to yellow.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


So that's why he goes by the moniker "Flash":

Forgive me if I don't scroll down.

Ride Pelosi!!1!

Friday, February 06, 2009


Try it. It's delicious!


Difficulty: All submissions must resemble a typical YouTube comment.

CLOSED CIRCUIT TO RYAN: I am expecting wonderful things from you.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

An Alternate Reality....of Dorkiness!

In The Matrix, Neo is required to take either the red pill or the blue pill.

What would have happened had he taken both? Discuss. (Morpheus reaching into his gullet and retreiving them with a smooth, digitally-enhanced kung fu move is not a valid answer.)

The Most Obvious One-Liner of the Day

Bill Gates, the billionaire founder of Microsoft and a renowned philanthropist, let loose a swarm of mosquitoes at a technology conference in California...

Rolling out the new version of Vista already?


I'll be here all week. Try the veal.


Piercing Commentary

During the 10 or so minutes of American Idol that I was able to watch last night in between deflecting the various objects Moonchild was hurling at my crotch, I noticed something about a lot of contestants' faces. An overwhelming number of them had shards of metal impaled on various parts of their faces. I found it disturbing.

Piercing has come a long way from the ear lobes. Back in the early '80s, after years of struggle, non-gay men finally won the right to pierce their ears (one ear only) and not be considered a nancy boy. This was met with some consternation by the crusty Baby-Boomers; a group who defined their generation by dropping acid and fucking each other in public during huge music festivals. In other words, nobody took what they had to say on the matter too seriously.

In the 90's, head jewelry moved to the nose, the eyebrow and points south. For purposes of this column post, I'm not concerned with the "deep south" if you know what I mean. I'm more concerned about the stuff you can see on the average clothed person because a) it's public and therefore a fashion statement indicative of some Larger Truth about our culture and 2) thinking about those nether-piercings makes me want to cross my legs so hard that I may dislocate my femur.

Anyway the nose piercings - when they first started becoming common - bothered me a little. There's something about having a piece of metal sticking out of your nose that turns even the most attractive woman completely undesirable. I don't know about you but nothing screams "SEXY!" like looking as though you have a metal booger hanging out of your schnoz. And that's just the loops. Some chicks wear studs in their noses, which from a distance of 5 feet or more, looks just like a huge shiny zit.

But last night on Idol, I saw a guy who had his cheek pierced. His cheek.

Seriously: WTF?

What the hell is the point of piercing your cheek? It doesn't look edgy. It doesn't look cool. The only statement I can think one might be making by impaling a rod of metal opposite the premolars is "I am so uncreative that the most creative way I can think of to express my individuality is to drill a hole in a part of my face that no one has thought of yet."

Or possibly: "I'm a massive tool."

Then there was the idiot who had a metal stud on either side of that little vertical crease under the nose. My first thought when I saw that was not: "wow does he look awesome - and that fauxhawk really brings the look home!" No, it was more like "Ah that must be where you attach the jumper cables."

So in conclusion: GET OFF MY LAWN!!11!1!

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I Got a Bad Feeling About This

Some dateless wonder calculated the cost of building a Death Star:

A guy called Ryszard Gold—who probably is an alien villain from the Outer Rim planets and got a 49-point score in our Geek Social Aptitude Test—made the calculation of the most basic Death Star's price with current materials and space transport costs here on Earth. Here's a quick summary:

• First, assume that 1/10 of the 17.16 quadrillion cubic meters of the Death Star is something other than empty space and 6/10 of the total volume is pressurized space.

• That will require 1.71 quadrillion cubic meters of steel, about 134 quadrillion tonnes. That's $12.95 quintillion in current 2008 prices, and that's without counting strange alloys and elements.

• Shipping that to space will cost $95 million per tonne: So add $12.79 septillion in transport.

• Now you need to add air, which will require 8.23 quintillion cubic meters of Nitrogen, and 1.65 quintillion cubic meters of oxygen, for a total delivery cost of $2.81 septillions and $212.46 quintillion.

The total: $15,602,022,489,829,821,422,840,226.94

Would not be surprised at all to find this baby in the Senate version of the Stimulus bill.

Embrace the Suck

Yes, my ThunderJournaling has sucked this week. But at least I have a good excuse:

I just don't care.


If a powerful Republican did this, leftyboners wouldn't shut up about it for 6 years:

500 million???? That's, like, twice the population of San Francisco!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Side Effects Include FAIL

Top 11 Beer Brand Names that Sound Like Euphemisms for Taking a Shit

Hint: insert the words "taking a(n)" before each beer.

11. Asahi Super Dry

10. Rogue Brutal Bitter

9. Newcastle Brown

8. Grain Belt Premium

7. Dos Equis

6. Guinness Stout

5. Surly Bender

4. Bell's Best Brown

3. Anchor Steam

2. Surly Furious

1. Schlitz

Cognitive Dysentery

Far far far left-wing nutjob the Wege who, for the last 8 years, never saw a Republican he wouldn't slander:

It’s tiresome when the loyal opposition is not loyal, or even opposite (just contrary).

Join the fucking club.

Obama's only been in office 2 weeks; try to pace yourself.

Open Thread for Sisyphus

"I could come up with a better open thread with half my brain tied behind my back." --Sisyphus, February 3, 2009. 8:52 am

Sisyphus only, please.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Bacon Pron


Open Thread for Everybody

Difficulty: All comments must reference a Rush lyric.

You know we've told you before, but you didn't hear us then: new world, digital and working men, and analog kids only, please.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Super Bowl Predictions


Not about the game (Steelers will kill). I'd like your predictions on what dumbass statements will come out of our Senator A-Klo as she watches the game with P-Bo:

Sen. Amy Klobuchar is one of the chosen few members of Congress who will join President Obama Sunday night at the White House to watch the Super Bowl.

"I thought maybe they'd have a big screen," Klobuchar quipped today.

No Amy, they'll pass around Obama's new Blackberry with a 2.5 inch screen. Endzone dance: a dumbass statement out of the gate before the game even starts!

She will attend the party with her husband and daughter. But the Minnesota Democrat and Obama will be cheering for different teams. "Even though the president is going with Pittsburgh, I figured I'd be contrary and go with Arizona," she said.

Why? Arizona is the underdog, and star Cardinal wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald is a Minnesota native, she said.

Wow. Amy's got her game on! There's number two.

Politico reported Friday the Super Bowl party is one of a wide range of strategies that Obama and his top aides are using to ensure that Congress passes his massive economic stimulus package. Klobuchar will be part of an ideologically diverse group that includes conservative Republicans and liberal Democrats.

Creative time: Come up with your A-Klo dumbass quip and post in the comments section.

I'll start:

"I like Arizona's mascot. We have those in Minnesota."

"I really like your massive stimulus package, Mr. President!!1!"

LEARNEDFOOT ADDS: Paul from Plymouth writes in with what he thinks may be the winner.

After the Super Bowl and the office, KARE 11 showed a clip of Amy talking about the White House Super Bowl Party. I am paraphrasing, hopefully you can find the exact quote. It reveals a very special level of idiocy:

"My daughter is excited because she will get to meet the Obama girls, who are 10 and 7. She's 13 and is looking for the opportunity to babysit. I had to remind her that even though she's older, the oldest Obama girl is an inch or two taller than her."

WTF? I hope she was really drunk when she said this. That would be the only excuse I would accept.

If anyone finds that clip, let us know. But be sure to shout - we're rather tall.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Moron Mail

Colemanpalooza continues:

Hmm. Maybe if Sen. Norm Coleman hadn't stood so close to President Bush for eight years, 226 more people would have voted for him.

Hmmm. That would have been some devotion given that Coleman was only in Congress for the past six years.


People, please - and I cannot stress this enough - double check the mindless talking points you receive from the party before you barf them out into the public and make yourself look like a complete ignoramus. M-kay?

Where Are My Shoes?

You know that old adage "a lie can circle the earth 3 times before the truth can even tie its shoes"?

We're getting a rare opportunity to see that old saw played out in real time.

Truth is an Also Ran

The increasingly dim Joe Bodell on Fakefakewebsitecrashgate:

Deep thought: if Truth were pitted in a horse race against Fiction, which would win?

Deeper thought: truth doesn't race. Indeed, it doesn't even move, no matter how hard some try to whip it.

If the search results on Twitter this evening are any indication, Truth is going to win this one by a few lengths.

If these Twitter search results are any indication, Truth is still in the stable while all its aspiring jockeys are flailing away at some railbird with their racing crops.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Franken Shill Fakes "Fake" Crashed Website Story.

Aaron Landry at Pooplius thinks he's got, er...something:

Today, Team Coleman’s blogger at MDE, Ryan Flynn, posted a tidbit today:

ST PAUL – Information recently added to the Coleman for Senate website, whereby people can find out which Minnesota voters the Franken campaign is trying to disenfranchise, has resulted in the website being inundated by tens of thousands of hits today – temporarily crashing the website.[end block quote]

They’re completely lying. Here’s why:

colemanforsenate.com has handled much, much more traffic before. (Note that each “visitor” generates numerous “hits.”) Why is it a problem now?

Because the site got linked to at the Drudge Report.

Link in the middle goes to the Coleman site in question.

Landry's lying (or, alternatively he's just another dumbass political hack) (or both, actually). Here's why:

Crashing tends to happen to websites not designed to handle 100,000 visitors at once, when Drudge sends 100,000 visitors at them.

Aaron Landry: lying liar telling lies. Liar.

UPDATE: Well of course SorosNet would copy and paste the Franken version of the story without asking questions. That's what they get paid for. Because, you know, crashing has never ever happened to a website before now.


So as hundreds (thousands?) of Target, Best Buy and Ecolab employees set to creating their new Monster.com accounts, Education Minne$ota has taken to the airwaves to beg that you please - PLEASE! - think of the teachers' union's well-being children. Perhaps you've seen these ads during the local news programs, sandwiched between the latest reports of the manpower bloodlettings in the private sector.

Wonder how much it cost to produce and air those ads?

Too much by a factor of 1, judging by this story:

Schools lucked out in the governor's budget, winning funding increases at a time when overall state spending would be cut. And DFLers generally approve.

"The governor has given us tools to work with," said Rep. Mindy Greiling, DFL-Roseville, chairwoman of the House K-12 Education Finance Division.

But there are varying degrees of luck for schools.

The biggest hunk of the funding increase -- $91 million -- would go to schools whose students show progress on state tests. How many students improve and the degree of improvement would determine the size of the bonuses. For Gov. Tim Pawlenty, it makes perfect sense that schools that do better should get more money. For DFLers, it means many schools that need the money the most -- often those with low-income and minority students -- could get left out in the cold

Quibbles quibbles. In a time when everything is facing the guillotine, these folks should be happy enough with a budget freeze, let alone an increase. Those ads ask viewers to implore the legislature to make The Schools "its number one priority". Given that there's a proposed $91 million increase in a budget cycle where everything's being cut, I'd say that it is. No matter how that $91 million is being targeted.

DFLers reacted more positively to Pawlenty's proposal that $41 million more be spent to expand his Q Comp plan to every school in the state. That's the plan meant to tie pay raises more to student performance and peer evaluations than to years of service.

The DFL's support for this is rather odd, considering Education Minn$ota seems to oppose QComp. Probably because it looks too much like the compensation regimes in the mouth-breathing private sector.

Eh, I'm getting off on policy-related snark. Something we try not to do here. Yet I wonder:

How many teachers could have been employed with the amount of money used to produce and air those ads? I suppose it really doesn't matter to them since unemployment benefits are taxed as ordinary income. At least there'll be some slop in the trough to pay the teachers, staff, administrations, etc. The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, I guess.

If Team Obama Were a Pit Crew...

... this symbolizes January 20:

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Open Thread for Peev / Penigma

...Since he seems to now need a new place to act like a semi-literate git. Let's see how many blogs he can get banned from in one day.

Peev / Penigma (and impersonators) only, please.

MSPaint Sucks

Original can be found here in case you want to, y'know... whatever.

Monday, January 26, 2009

My Petition Mission

Y'all remember Care2, the online petition site? No? OK, I'll explain.

Care2 is an online petition site where users can draft their own self-righteous demands for whatever, and others of like mind can sign them. About a year ago, our colleague in ThunderJournalism, Ryan discovered that the site does not verify signatures, and indeed one person could sign any petition any number of times using different names. The consequences of Ryan's discovery and his resulting exploits illustrating the abject pointlessness of such a service were, to put it mildly, legendary.

And not only can a single person sign a Care2 petition multiple times under several fake names, but sometimes actual people who actually sign these petitions do not bother to read them. For example, back before MilF 08, I used Care2 to create a petition to draft perennial wuss boy Chad the Elder to play in that prestigious golf tournament. Care2 requires that you categorize your petition using predetermined topic tags. Since Care2 did not provide a tag called "Shaming Nancy Boys Into Competing in Golf Tournaments With Names that Are Double Entendres", I picked the next-closest label - Animal Rights (with the subtopic Farm Animals).

That petition went live on June 9th. One person (Kevin Ecker) with any MilF-awareness signed it. However, lots of other people from all over the world with no connections or reason to know about the MilF were still signing it through October 11, despite the fact that the MilF was done and over with by July 26. Apparently some people just read the tags, didn't bother reading the petition and signed it anyway thinking it was probably just calling for a worldwide ban on meat or something. Or Banaiaiaiiaiaian sent them.

So anyway this site is completely worthless. Good thing too, because I just got this email from Care2 as I am now, unfortunately, a registered user:

Hi Learned,

Last week, we witnessed history. President Obama inspired a nation and the world. He has challenged us all to be "the change that we seek."

Here at Care2, we know that you, as an activist and petition creator, embody the spirit of hope and change we are all seeking. And so to celebrate President Obama's election and his first 100 days in office, we are challenging you to do your part to make the world a better place in these next 100 days. And we'll step up to the plate, too.

Join Care2's "Yes YOU Can!" Challenge to create the change you think the world needs, using Care2's online petitions!

1. Create a new petition or promote an existing one.
2. Promote your petition and gather signatures to make progressive change.
3. Care2 will give free petition promotion across the Care2 website and through our email action alerts to those petition authors who get the most signatures on their petitions every week and overall in the first 100 days of President Obama's administration.

You could reach hundreds of thousands of Care2 members if your petition is one of the top five petitions in any given week of the Challenge. And the top five petition authors overall will be interviewed by Randy Paynter, Care2 founder and president!

Learn more about our "Yes YOU Can!" Challenge and start making a difference now!

P.S. You don't have to "do" anything except promote your petition to qualify for the Challenge. All citizen petitions on ThePetitionSite.com are automatically in the running - get tips and tricks for promotion in our new Activist Toolkit (PDF file).




(make a meaningless petition).

You can view and sign it here. Please go forth and make progressive change by pushing my petition into the top 5 for the week (ifyaknowwhatimean). And how sweet would it be to get interviewed by Randy Paynter??? The Randy Paynter!

Sign it early. Sign it often.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Creeping Debt

Enough mirth! The internet is serious business, and this are serious times.

I hear a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth about Minnesota's budget shortfall. And as usual the solutions to deal with this deficit offered boil down to either raising revenue (ie taxes), cutting spending or a combination of both. But here's what I don't understand.

You've got the Growth & Justice / Minnesota 2020 / DFL philosophy that we need a big bloated budget to - in addition to funding vital services everyone agrees on like transportation infrastructure, courts and public safety - "invest" in Minnesota's "future". These "investments could be in anything from subsidies for higher education to ease (or eliminate) tuition bills, universal health care, midnight basketball programs, indoor hockey rinks, 3:30 PM Monday-Wednesday-Friday lacrosse programs etc. A whole bunch of things that would improve that nebulous "quality of life" that these liberals are always mumbling about but rarely defining.


And the way the government raises revenue is mainly through the taxation of income. Personal income, investment income, business income (profits) and so on.

Also, fine.

So if the Growth & Justice 2020 DFL crowd wants all the items on their wish list, they need to raise the revenue - mainly through the taxation of income - to fund all these wonderful projects. Let's say that we're in boom times and that they do so. The top marginal rate is, say raised to 12% and all these wonderful things are fully funded. Because, remember: we need them in order for Minnesota to be a "competitive" state with an acceptable "quality of life" where everybody can get a cheap college "education" and affordable "health care" so they can play basketball at midnight until they "pass out" from exhaustion and the ecstasy of living the good life in Minnesota.


So what happens when, as now, a deep recession hits and the pool of taxable income contracts?

Well, some would have the legislature raise taxes to meet the revenue needs to keep all those wonderful programs funded.


So, now the top marginal income tax rate on those awful rich people is, say 15%, which, let's assume, generates enough revenue to keep all these wonderful programs afloat and the kids off the streets every other weekday playing fully-refereed lacrosse games. Whew! We dodged a bullet there.


And what's better, look now! We're coming out of the recession! Incomes at all levels -and especially amongst those loathsome rich are rising again! Hooray and hallelujah! Happy days are here again! State revenues fueled by that top marginal rate of 15% go through the roof. Suddenly, the state has more than it can spend. Yipee. And so the governor decides to cut the top marginal rate back to -

What's that? You want to spend that extra money on more programs or to fund the existing ones even more lavishly?


So now, because the state can "afford" more largess in its programs, spending is increased to accommodate the new higher revenue levels. College is free (and comes with a complementary laptop), the bleachers in those new hockey rinks are equipped with vibrating butt warmers! Legions of people are hired to staff legions of new public employment openings. New bureaucracies are forged. Health care is now totally free! Public parks staffed 24 HOURS A DAY OH BRAVE NEW WORLD - EMBRACE ME IN YOUR RAPTURE! THIS REALM, THIS HOLY PLACE THIS MINNESOTA!!11!!1!!

And then the bottom falls out again. Taxable incomes decrease, revenue contracts. What to do now?

Raise the taxes? Cut spending? Both?

How about pegging the budget to the lowest times, and keeping taxes where they are; increasing the budget modestly during the good times and putting away any surplus to cover the spread during the lean times? Am I the only one that sees the deep, fundamental flaw in the DFL Growth & 2020 model of governmental finance and policy? I'm not?


KAR Guesses Whereabouts of Winter Carnival Medallion

The PiPress posts the latest and current clues here.

Much of the history remains a mystery

Water and ice are here

With bower enclosed and beasts exposed

Total Giveaway!!1! Foot's House.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Get Yer Codpiece On

I submit that for next year's Mirth Day we all wear a red "codpiece" outside of our clothes like Larry.

Do ya dance. Word.

Top 11 Lines in "Word Up"

11. No matter where you say it you’ll know that you'll be heard

10. Ya' got to realize that you're acting like fools

9. If there's music we can use it

8. When you hear the call, you've got to get it underway

7. Tell your brother, your sister and your mama too

6. No romance, no romance, no romance for me, mama

5. Wave your hands in the air like you don't care

4. We don't have the time for psychological romance

3. Now all you sucker DJ's who think you're fly

2. Word up

1. Got a weird thing to show you