Friday, January 30, 2009

Super Bowl Predictions


Not about the game (Steelers will kill). I'd like your predictions on what dumbass statements will come out of our Senator A-Klo as she watches the game with P-Bo:

Sen. Amy Klobuchar is one of the chosen few members of Congress who will join President Obama Sunday night at the White House to watch the Super Bowl.

"I thought maybe they'd have a big screen," Klobuchar quipped today.

No Amy, they'll pass around Obama's new Blackberry with a 2.5 inch screen. Endzone dance: a dumbass statement out of the gate before the game even starts!

She will attend the party with her husband and daughter. But the Minnesota Democrat and Obama will be cheering for different teams. "Even though the president is going with Pittsburgh, I figured I'd be contrary and go with Arizona," she said.

Why? Arizona is the underdog, and star Cardinal wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald is a Minnesota native, she said.

Wow. Amy's got her game on! There's number two.

Politico reported Friday the Super Bowl party is one of a wide range of strategies that Obama and his top aides are using to ensure that Congress passes his massive economic stimulus package. Klobuchar will be part of an ideologically diverse group that includes conservative Republicans and liberal Democrats.

Creative time: Come up with your A-Klo dumbass quip and post in the comments section.

I'll start:

"I like Arizona's mascot. We have those in Minnesota."

"I really like your massive stimulus package, Mr. President!!1!"

LEARNEDFOOT ADDS: Paul from Plymouth writes in with what he thinks may be the winner.

After the Super Bowl and the office, KARE 11 showed a clip of Amy talking about the White House Super Bowl Party. I am paraphrasing, hopefully you can find the exact quote. It reveals a very special level of idiocy:

"My daughter is excited because she will get to meet the Obama girls, who are 10 and 7. She's 13 and is looking for the opportunity to babysit. I had to remind her that even though she's older, the oldest Obama girl is an inch or two taller than her."

WTF? I hope she was really drunk when she said this. That would be the only excuse I would accept.

If anyone finds that clip, let us know. But be sure to shout - we're rather tall.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Moron Mail

Colemanpalooza continues:

Hmm. Maybe if Sen. Norm Coleman hadn't stood so close to President Bush for eight years, 226 more people would have voted for him.

Hmmm. That would have been some devotion given that Coleman was only in Congress for the past six years.


People, please - and I cannot stress this enough - double check the mindless talking points you receive from the party before you barf them out into the public and make yourself look like a complete ignoramus. M-kay?

Where Are My Shoes?

You know that old adage "a lie can circle the earth 3 times before the truth can even tie its shoes"?

We're getting a rare opportunity to see that old saw played out in real time.

Truth is an Also Ran

The increasingly dim Joe Bodell on Fakefakewebsitecrashgate:

Deep thought: if Truth were pitted in a horse race against Fiction, which would win?

Deeper thought: truth doesn't race. Indeed, it doesn't even move, no matter how hard some try to whip it.

If the search results on Twitter this evening are any indication, Truth is going to win this one by a few lengths.

If these Twitter search results are any indication, Truth is still in the stable while all its aspiring jockeys are flailing away at some railbird with their racing crops.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Franken Shill Fakes "Fake" Crashed Website Story.

Aaron Landry at Pooplius thinks he's got, er...something:

Today, Team Coleman’s blogger at MDE, Ryan Flynn, posted a tidbit today:

ST PAUL – Information recently added to the Coleman for Senate website, whereby people can find out which Minnesota voters the Franken campaign is trying to disenfranchise, has resulted in the website being inundated by tens of thousands of hits today – temporarily crashing the website.[end block quote]

They’re completely lying. Here’s why:

1. has handled much, much more traffic before. (Note that each “visitor” generates numerous “hits.”) Why is it a problem now?

Because the site got linked to at the Drudge Report.

Link in the middle goes to the Coleman site in question.

Landry's lying (or, alternatively he's just another dumbass political hack) (or both, actually). Here's why:

Crashing tends to happen to websites not designed to handle 100,000 visitors at once, when Drudge sends 100,000 visitors at them.

Aaron Landry: lying liar telling lies. Liar.

UPDATE: Well of course SorosNet would copy and paste the Franken version of the story without asking questions. That's what they get paid for. Because, you know, crashing has never ever happened to a website before now.


So as hundreds (thousands?) of Target, Best Buy and Ecolab employees set to creating their new accounts, Education Minne$ota has taken to the airwaves to beg that you please - PLEASE! - think of the teachers' union's well-being children. Perhaps you've seen these ads during the local news programs, sandwiched between the latest reports of the manpower bloodlettings in the private sector.

Wonder how much it cost to produce and air those ads?

Too much by a factor of 1, judging by this story:

Schools lucked out in the governor's budget, winning funding increases at a time when overall state spending would be cut. And DFLers generally approve.

"The governor has given us tools to work with," said Rep. Mindy Greiling, DFL-Roseville, chairwoman of the House K-12 Education Finance Division.

But there are varying degrees of luck for schools.

The biggest hunk of the funding increase -- $91 million -- would go to schools whose students show progress on state tests. How many students improve and the degree of improvement would determine the size of the bonuses. For Gov. Tim Pawlenty, it makes perfect sense that schools that do better should get more money. For DFLers, it means many schools that need the money the most -- often those with low-income and minority students -- could get left out in the cold

Quibbles quibbles. In a time when everything is facing the guillotine, these folks should be happy enough with a budget freeze, let alone an increase. Those ads ask viewers to implore the legislature to make The Schools "its number one priority". Given that there's a proposed $91 million increase in a budget cycle where everything's being cut, I'd say that it is. No matter how that $91 million is being targeted.

DFLers reacted more positively to Pawlenty's proposal that $41 million more be spent to expand his Q Comp plan to every school in the state. That's the plan meant to tie pay raises more to student performance and peer evaluations than to years of service.

The DFL's support for this is rather odd, considering Education Minn$ota seems to oppose QComp. Probably because it looks too much like the compensation regimes in the mouth-breathing private sector.

Eh, I'm getting off on policy-related snark. Something we try not to do here. Yet I wonder:

How many teachers could have been employed with the amount of money used to produce and air those ads? I suppose it really doesn't matter to them since unemployment benefits are taxed as ordinary income. At least there'll be some slop in the trough to pay the teachers, staff, administrations, etc. The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, I guess.

If Team Obama Were a Pit Crew...

... this symbolizes January 20:

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Open Thread for Peev / Penigma

...Since he seems to now need a new place to act like a semi-literate git. Let's see how many blogs he can get banned from in one day.

Peev / Penigma (and impersonators) only, please.

MSPaint Sucks

Original can be found here in case you want to, y'know... whatever.

Monday, January 26, 2009

My Petition Mission

Y'all remember Care2, the online petition site? No? OK, I'll explain.

Care2 is an online petition site where users can draft their own self-righteous demands for whatever, and others of like mind can sign them. About a year ago, our colleague in ThunderJournalism, Ryan discovered that the site does not verify signatures, and indeed one person could sign any petition any number of times using different names. The consequences of Ryan's discovery and his resulting exploits illustrating the abject pointlessness of such a service were, to put it mildly, legendary.

And not only can a single person sign a Care2 petition multiple times under several fake names, but sometimes actual people who actually sign these petitions do not bother to read them. For example, back before MilF 08, I used Care2 to create a petition to draft perennial wuss boy Chad the Elder to play in that prestigious golf tournament. Care2 requires that you categorize your petition using predetermined topic tags. Since Care2 did not provide a tag called "Shaming Nancy Boys Into Competing in Golf Tournaments With Names that Are Double Entendres", I picked the next-closest label - Animal Rights (with the subtopic Farm Animals).

That petition went live on June 9th. One person (Kevin Ecker) with any MilF-awareness signed it. However, lots of other people from all over the world with no connections or reason to know about the MilF were still signing it through October 11, despite the fact that the MilF was done and over with by July 26. Apparently some people just read the tags, didn't bother reading the petition and signed it anyway thinking it was probably just calling for a worldwide ban on meat or something. Or Banaiaiaiiaiaian sent them.

So anyway this site is completely worthless. Good thing too, because I just got this email from Care2 as I am now, unfortunately, a registered user:

Hi Learned,

Last week, we witnessed history. President Obama inspired a nation and the world. He has challenged us all to be "the change that we seek."

Here at Care2, we know that you, as an activist and petition creator, embody the spirit of hope and change we are all seeking. And so to celebrate President Obama's election and his first 100 days in office, we are challenging you to do your part to make the world a better place in these next 100 days. And we'll step up to the plate, too.

Join Care2's "Yes YOU Can!" Challenge to create the change you think the world needs, using Care2's online petitions!

1. Create a new petition or promote an existing one.
2. Promote your petition and gather signatures to make progressive change.
3. Care2 will give free petition promotion across the Care2 website and through our email action alerts to those petition authors who get the most signatures on their petitions every week and overall in the first 100 days of President Obama's administration.

You could reach hundreds of thousands of Care2 members if your petition is one of the top five petitions in any given week of the Challenge. And the top five petition authors overall will be interviewed by Randy Paynter, Care2 founder and president!

Learn more about our "Yes YOU Can!" Challenge and start making a difference now!

P.S. You don't have to "do" anything except promote your petition to qualify for the Challenge. All citizen petitions on are automatically in the running - get tips and tricks for promotion in our new Activist Toolkit (PDF file).




(make a meaningless petition).

You can view and sign it here. Please go forth and make progressive change by pushing my petition into the top 5 for the week (ifyaknowwhatimean). And how sweet would it be to get interviewed by Randy Paynter??? The Randy Paynter!

Sign it early. Sign it often.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Creeping Debt

Enough mirth! The internet is serious business, and this are serious times.

I hear a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth about Minnesota's budget shortfall. And as usual the solutions to deal with this deficit offered boil down to either raising revenue (ie taxes), cutting spending or a combination of both. But here's what I don't understand.

You've got the Growth & Justice / Minnesota 2020 / DFL philosophy that we need a big bloated budget to - in addition to funding vital services everyone agrees on like transportation infrastructure, courts and public safety - "invest" in Minnesota's "future". These "investments could be in anything from subsidies for higher education to ease (or eliminate) tuition bills, universal health care, midnight basketball programs, indoor hockey rinks, 3:30 PM Monday-Wednesday-Friday lacrosse programs etc. A whole bunch of things that would improve that nebulous "quality of life" that these liberals are always mumbling about but rarely defining.


And the way the government raises revenue is mainly through the taxation of income. Personal income, investment income, business income (profits) and so on.

Also, fine.

So if the Growth & Justice 2020 DFL crowd wants all the items on their wish list, they need to raise the revenue - mainly through the taxation of income - to fund all these wonderful projects. Let's say that we're in boom times and that they do so. The top marginal rate is, say raised to 12% and all these wonderful things are fully funded. Because, remember: we need them in order for Minnesota to be a "competitive" state with an acceptable "quality of life" where everybody can get a cheap college "education" and affordable "health care" so they can play basketball at midnight until they "pass out" from exhaustion and the ecstasy of living the good life in Minnesota.


So what happens when, as now, a deep recession hits and the pool of taxable income contracts?

Well, some would have the legislature raise taxes to meet the revenue needs to keep all those wonderful programs funded.


So, now the top marginal income tax rate on those awful rich people is, say 15%, which, let's assume, generates enough revenue to keep all these wonderful programs afloat and the kids off the streets every other weekday playing fully-refereed lacrosse games. Whew! We dodged a bullet there.


And what's better, look now! We're coming out of the recession! Incomes at all levels -and especially amongst those loathsome rich are rising again! Hooray and hallelujah! Happy days are here again! State revenues fueled by that top marginal rate of 15% go through the roof. Suddenly, the state has more than it can spend. Yipee. And so the governor decides to cut the top marginal rate back to -

What's that? You want to spend that extra money on more programs or to fund the existing ones even more lavishly?


So now, because the state can "afford" more largess in its programs, spending is increased to accommodate the new higher revenue levels. College is free (and comes with a complementary laptop), the bleachers in those new hockey rinks are equipped with vibrating butt warmers! Legions of people are hired to staff legions of new public employment openings. New bureaucracies are forged. Health care is now totally free! Public parks staffed 24 HOURS A DAY OH BRAVE NEW WORLD - EMBRACE ME IN YOUR RAPTURE! THIS REALM, THIS HOLY PLACE THIS MINNESOTA!!11!!1!!

And then the bottom falls out again. Taxable incomes decrease, revenue contracts. What to do now?

Raise the taxes? Cut spending? Both?

How about pegging the budget to the lowest times, and keeping taxes where they are; increasing the budget modestly during the good times and putting away any surplus to cover the spread during the lean times? Am I the only one that sees the deep, fundamental flaw in the DFL Growth & 2020 model of governmental finance and policy? I'm not?


KAR Guesses Whereabouts of Winter Carnival Medallion

The PiPress posts the latest and current clues here.

Much of the history remains a mystery

Water and ice are here

With bower enclosed and beasts exposed

Total Giveaway!!1! Foot's House.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Get Yer Codpiece On

I submit that for next year's Mirth Day we all wear a red "codpiece" outside of our clothes like Larry.

Do ya dance. Word.

Top 11 Lines in "Word Up"

11. No matter where you say it you’ll know that you'll be heard

10. Ya' got to realize that you're acting like fools

9. If there's music we can use it

8. When you hear the call, you've got to get it underway

7. Tell your brother, your sister and your mama too

6. No romance, no romance, no romance for me, mama

5. Wave your hands in the air like you don't care

4. We don't have the time for psychological romance

3. Now all you sucker DJ's who think you're fly

2. Word up

1. Got a weird thing to show you

Mirth Day Parody Song

"You Suck"
Sung to the tune of "Word Up"

(Cheesy midi here.)

Yo, "feminist" bloggers around the world
Stop embarrassing yourselves in front of all the boys and girls
Tell the Fecker, Carpenter and that Marcotte too
Cause they say they'll throw down but they're just steppin' in poo
Stab your finger in the air like your wisdom's rare
Raise your hands up, so we can see your armpit hair
You so fat, you so fat, you so fat - GEEZ tubby
Your intellect summed up in two words:

You suck (suck, suck) everybody say
You're acting like a douche and I think you may be gay
You suck (suck) that's the word
You made an ass of yourself on the radio and everybody heard

Now all you sucker fembos who think you're fly
There's got to be a reason and we know the reason why
You try to debate Prager and act real cool
But ya' got to realise that you totally got schooled
If you don't use it you can lose it - what's in your pants
You say that one spouse has the power to end marital romance
No romance, no romance, no romance for you bubba!
You have to suffer because I'm a selfish turd

You suck (suck suck) everybody say
When you hear these gits yappin' you've got to run the hell away

Dial “L” for Loser
C’mon all you people say
S-U-C-K- suck! S-U-C-K- suck! S-U-C-K- suck! S-U-C-K- suck!

What's the Word? Open Thread for Mirth Day

All People of Mirth without blogs welcome to post here.

Blogs participating in Mirth Day will be noted below and updated as necessary.

Now do your dance, do your dance, do your dance quick mama.


Mr. D

Sandwich of FAIL & AIDS

Bogus Doug


KAR FAQ - Mirth Day Edition

I'm participating in Blogs for Mirth Day. Is there anyone I need to notify?

Tell your brother, your sister and your mama too.

'Cause I got this weird thing to show you -

Then you'll know just what to do.

When I'm in the classroom, and the teacher asks a question to which I know the answer, what is the commonly accepted practice to indicate my desire to answer such a question?

Wave your hand in the air like you don't care.

I am a local morning radio host and my show's ratings have plummeted recently. Can you tell me why?

Now all you sucker DJ's who think you're fly, there's got to be a reason and we know the reason why. You try to put on those airs and act real cool, but ya' got to realize that you're acting like fools.

So what should I do? Spend more time spinning tunes and less flirting with callers?

If there's music we can use it - we need to dance. We don't have the time for psychological romance.

So no romance?

No romance, no romance, no romance for me mama!

Come on baby tell me: what's the word?


What does that mean?

It's a code word.

Can you spell that for me?

W-O-R-D up.

Blogs for Mirth Day - Gotta Get it Underway

Happy Mirth Day!1!1!11

Let us kick off this special day, with the official BFMD Anthem:

For this year's Mirth Day, KAR will be paying tribute to the greatest pop song of all time throughout the day (no, not the one in the video). Stay tuned.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Why We Blog for Mirth

Some people get excited about the stupidest things:

Oh January! I love, love, love this month of the year. For starters, my birthday is in January. The State of the Union is also in January, and for a geek like me, that's political candy. And then, of course, there's NARAL Pro-Choice America's Blog for Choice Day!

Well, guess what, pro-choice America? IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN! w00t w00t!

If BFC Day goes off like it has in previous years, you're basically going to get 600 numbnut bloggers reposting what they wrote last year (or the year before). w00t! Because let's be frank, there are only so many ways to posit that there are no broad moral implications to ripping apart a fetus in the uterus while at the same time claiming it is your heartfelt belief that abortions should be "rare". Almost sounds like a BFMD post. "In Which I Explain the Concept of 'Cognitive Dissonance' Without Using Vowels".

So I suppose in an effort to keep the output from getting stale, the BFCers have a new theme this year:

This year, we're asking people to blog their answer to this question: What is your top pro-choice hope for President-elect Obama (he'll be President Obama by the time Blog for Choice Day rolls around!) and/or the new Congress.

Given that Blog for Mirth Day is loosely modeled after the seriously worthless Blogs for Choice Day, I'd be remiss if I didn't throw a topic out there for all you Mirthers to expound on. So we're asking those of you still looking for a BFMD topic to blog their answer to this question:

Seriously, dude, what the hell?

Or, you could make that the answer to your own question. I really don't care.

Just do something.

Or not.

Whatever feels mirthful.

The Choice is Yours

You can either Blog for Mirth...

...or you can be a total pantload.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Top 11 New Dances to Be Performed at Tonight's Inaugural Ball

11. The Baracktusi

10. The Compact Fluorescent Slide

9. The Biden Stomp & Lurch

8. Barackata

7. Kenya line

6. The Skank (This is the Secretary of State's Dance).

5. The Husein Hustle

4. The Obambo.

3. The Cha Change

2. The Cha Ching

1. The Barackarena

EPILOGUE: If you thought the only reason for this post's existence was to get the words "The Barackarena" out there with some kind of context that made sense, you thought correctly.


At 11:01 today, 52% of the people in my office just... disappeared.

Not sure where they went or why some of us were Left Behind.

Come On In, the Kool-Aid's Warm!!1!

Found at Rush Limbaugh's site:

Parents in Wake County, North Carolina, at an elementary school there, kids "will be required to eat in classrooms on Tuesday so they can spend two hours watching the [immaculation] on TV." Another school is going to force the kids to eat lunch at 10:30 so that they can watch this uninterrupted. They're then going to be required to write a paper about the historical significance of this. These will be displayed on a bulletin board somewhere. This will make sure the project is carried out, and some parents are saying that they're going to keep kids home if the school doesn't show it. Some say they won't come if it is shown. I thought we were all together in this. This has never before been a requirement at schools that I know of, not Reagan, Bush, Clinton, or Bush. But the oath of office doesn't seem to be the thing. But no, they're going to watch the whole thing, the parade and all that. They must, and they're going to write essays about it.

We at KAR shall continue to make you watch this.

Feel free to write an essay in the comment section.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Fail Weekend Edition

1. Corn: meant for food, not fuel.

2. A slo-mo fail we all saw coming.

3. A fail before he even begins.

To cheer failed Strib owners and Non-monkey (supposedly laid off, refusing to leave), and give false hope to Mark Dayton, we offer:

Friday, January 16, 2009

Death Of The Strib

I have information on the killer of the Minneapolis based news circular known as the Star Tribune.

I do not know who I can trust in this matter. Including the city mayor, Mr. R.T. Rybak and his police force. Strib had friends in high and low places.

I will be monitoring these informablogs to see what evidence is uncovered and offer what I can when the trail gets cold.

Yours in justice, Barry

Open Thread for Everybody

Difficulty: all comments must reference a Yes lyric.

All good people, only please.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Totally Saw This Coming

The flight was jinxed.

Let's See This on the Cover of Time Magazine

Nice. But we REALLY could have used this 3 months ago.

I Just Don't Feel Like Doing This Any More - KAR 2008 in Review Part 10

So very tired.


10/1 through 10/31 - Nothing interesting happened. Insert Iowa housewife bathroom sex joke here.


11/1 through 11/30 - Nothing interesting happened. Al Franken still not a Senator.


12/1 - Drunken married woman from Iowa has sex with a stranger in a Metrodome bathroom stall during the Gophers - Hawkeyes game, bangs some cougar in the bathroom stall.

12/28 - Brett Favre finds himself still retired again.

12/31 - This year is over!

Behind the Mirth: A Behind the Scenes Look at the Collaborative Creative Process at KAR

The following is the actual e-mail exchange between LearnedFoot (LF) and Iron Matron (IM) in which they discussed the design of the epic Blogs for Mirth Day logo.

IM: Hey Foot, Here’s a large and small logo. Likey? (Picture attached featuring a rather vanilla "Mask of Comedy" motif.)

LF: I'm looking for sommething a little more crass...

Keep the area where the word "Mirth" appears blank, as I haven't settled on that name yet. For some reason, I'm really taken by "Blogs for More Amusing Drivel" day.

But above all, I'm looking for crass. Maybe a daisy chain of dirty mushrooms? Play around with that idea.

IM: Not a lot of good moons to be had out there, but I found this shot (Harry Potter actor from Equus). How does this work?

I like Mirth myself – short and sweet. Still want a blank version? (Attachment)

LF: Thinking about it...

Maybe you could have him holding a big double-ended dong ion one hand and a toilet scrubber brush in the other?

(Probably should also add a small black (CENSORED) bar over his tuchus)

LF: On second thought, censor his butt with a yellow smiley face.

IM: Or a stop poop sign? I’ll play and send over soon...

IM: Here ya go! (Attachments)

LF: Yes. I like the Stop Poop sign!

IM: Here you be! (Attachments)

LF: I'm waiting on the dong and toilet brush...

IM: Do you want a realistic dong or a toy?

LF: You know what I'm talking about. A rubbery red double-ended dildo. Just do a Google Image Search with the safeties off, and I'll bet you'll get all kinds of fodder.

If you really want to have fun, do that search with your hubby looking over your shoulder. He'll give you all kinds of attention.

And don't forget the toilet scrubber.

IM: I did a search, and boy howdy! I’m not sure if it translates well, but I found a colorful one and here’s that rendition. (Attachment)

LF: Can you find a more gelatinous one and kind of droop it over his hand between his thumb and forefinger?

Sorry for all the back and forth, but as you know, when it comes to KAR, I demand excellence.

LF: Oh, and you forgot the poop sign over his butt.


IM: I shall look for flaccid and replace the sign.

I’ll send something a bit later. Gotta run. :-D

LF: A flaccid, floppy jelly dong is what you seek. Preferably red.

I will be publishing this email chain on KAR because it's too damn funny.

IM: I found anal beads!!!1!


Here’s a new graphique. (Attachment)

LF: I like what you've done here, but I must confess, that if you didn't tell me those were anal beads, I would never have known it. Can't you find a pic of a long floppy jelly dong?

IM: That’s just it – I couldn’t. All are stiff and most images are of low-resolution quality. I was so happy to find a larger pic. Tell you what. If you can find one, send a link over.

Sorry this is so “hard.” :-)

LF: As I am at work, it will have to wait for later. Couldn't you just use a "stiff" one and bend it in Photoshop to make it look floppy before you insert it (*snicker*) in the image?

IM: Hey Fut, I’m out of gas (heading to the couch to rest).

I hope this one will do. (Attachments)

LF: Perfect! Thanks.

There's a special place in heaven for you!

IM: Until searching for that image, I never thought I’d see so many weird toys.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Blogs for Mirth Day Graphic

Steal this pic and use with your Mirth Day posts:

Here's a smaller version:
Iron Matron is a national treasure.
KAR will have a special feature on the creation of this graphic later.

Blogs for Mirth FAQ

So what's the deal with this Bolgs for Mirth Day, anyway?

What's a "bolg"?

Sorry, that was a typo. Please don't be obtuse. You know damn well what I was talking about.

Right-o. Blogs for Mirth Day is a day for all sane bloggers who know their areas of expertise and the limitations thereon to protest other bloggers who use their online journals to either bloviate self-importantly about things they know nothing about as if their scribblings were Revealed Truth, or to publicly flog their juvenile axe-grinding against some person or idea. In short it is an anti-crapblog day.

So there will be no blogging then?

Ho no! There will be blogging. Lots of it. But instead of blogging about politics, current affairs or American Idol, participating bloggers are invited to publish silly, crass, or crassly silly posts the entire day. All BFM Day posts should slavishly adhere to the twin virtues of irreverence and irrelevance.

Examples please?

Well, say you run a blog that concerns itself with local politics. On BFM Day, instead of posting that 5,000 word essay about Tax Increment Financing or why Norm Coleman is a crapweasel you might write about the existential implication of that growth in your armpit. Or maybe a wine review in which you try to write the entire post without using the letter 't'.

I am a Professor of Economics at a minor regional university whose hockey team routinely plays bitch to the University of Minnesota's. I have a reputation to uphold, so I can't exactly write crass things, and my readers have no interest in wine or my armpit polyps. Can I still participate?

Yes! You don't need to be crass. You can be silly. Maybe even Dadaist. Perhaps you could write a long post consisting entirely of the word "purple". Or try your hand at poetry by writing sonnets about people engaged in public urination. The stupider the better! And the sky's the limit.

I am a liberal douchewad. Can I still participate in Blogs for Mirth Day?

Of course. BFMD is an ecumenical blogswarm. Wingnuts and moonbats alike are welcome to participate.

I live in Lake Mary, Florida. Can I participate?

Yes. I want this to go national.

I live in Canada, eh. What aboot me?

Or world wide. Get in touch with your inner hoser!

So what do you plan to accomplish by having a bunch of bloggers writing about armpit growths and whatnot?

The sanity that can only come from surfing the internet for a day without wanting to choke the living shit out of some condescending a-hole blogger.

I'm the Mayor of a state-based alliance of bloggers in the upper-midwest. Do I have to do this?


I routinely write about excrement and post pictures of my ass on my ThunderJournal. How will people know that I am participating in BFMD rather than just publishing my normal stuff?

KAR will provide a graphic that you can include in all your BFMD posts. Stay tuned.

What other benefits other than the obvious psychic ones can I derive from participating in BFMD?

Shoot KAR an email or comment to let me know you've made a BFMD post and we will link to your blog. This could goose your traffic by as much as three hits.

When is Blogs for Mirth Day again?

Thursday, January 22, 2009.

Why is OPG now called "Elder Dumper?

This FAQ is over!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Aim Low, Shoot Low


LearnedFoot's First Postulate of Blogging provides:

Any blog with the word "dump" in its name is a waste of bandwidth run by losers and misfits who can't get laid. And if on the off-chance, they could get laid, they're probably lousy in the sack. And they're morbidly obese too.

And so it is that a new raft of "Dump" blogs have been born. And while the original Dump blogs focused their ire on federal and state lawmakers, this new breed seems to have set its sights a bit lower. Now they're going after fellow bloggers.

To wit: we consumers of the electronically written word have now had inflicted on us Dump Brodkorb (and it's not-quite-pulled-off mirror site Dump Michael Brodkorb). This one was apparently promulgated by a GOP activist who doesn't like the idea of Michael Brodkorb running for the vice chairmanship of the Minnesota Republican Party.

Way to reach for the stars there, fella. Were you not significantly outraged enough to start a blog calling for Rusty Gatenby to grow back his moustache?

Yes, we have finally hit bottom. No, wait...

Now we have hit bottom.

As the last of the superstructure and ceiling beams of the once promising online publishing phenomenon crashes down about our ears in gnat swarm haze of personal vendetta and cheap shot blogging, I say the time has come for all ThunderJournalists (and bloggers) of goodwill to cry "STOP!" to these low rent smarm peddlers. We need to show the world that we are not all a bunch of over-wrought losers with a way WAY overinflated sense of self-importance who think that if we could just win our latest windmill tilt The Word Would Get Out and the world we become a better place on the impetus of our brilliant series of posts about how That Guy We Hate sucks. Just most of us are.

How do we do that? I haven't the foggiest clue. But it probably involves cock punching dumpbloggers.

Another solution might be to show a unified front of impertinent irreverence.

As it so happens, the annual Online Celebration of Fetal Dismemberment otherwise known as Blog for Choice Day approaches. Again this year, it will be held on January 22. Which leads to LearnedFoot's Second Postulate of Blogging:

The vast majority of "feminists" who participate in Blog for Choice Day are either constipated skankholes who haven't had a good shit in years or morbidly obese and unctuous lonely males desperately tring to curry favor with some woman - any woman - in a futile effort to get laid. And they probably suck in the sack too. In fact, if you are morbidly obese, you by definition "really suck in the sack" because your condition prevents you from engaging in even the most basic sexual activies such as "being on top" without killing or rupturing the inner tube of your partner.

Sorry. My postulates tend to get a bit windy and mean-spirited.

In the past, KAR and many of KAR's satellite blogs celebrated Blog for Choice Day by holding our own blogswarm about a more worthwhile topic. Two years ago, it was Blogs for Uranus; last year we had the unforgettably delicious Blogs for Bacon. Those were good times that yielded some fantastic writing.

But given the current toxicity of the local blogging environment, I think we need a Blogs for (Blank) theme that's a little less trite. So this year, we here at KAR are initiating the first annual Blogs for Mirth Day.

[ATTENTION IRON MATRON: We need a logo for this. Get on it stat.]

On January 22, all participating bloggers should resist the temptation of writing their 300th post on the Franken Coleman race or that 25,000 word essay on the broader ramifications of the TARP program on the taconite mining industry in Upper Michigan, or even *ahem* American Idol. Instead, blog about bodily functions, sex jokes, boobies or pooping. (Yes, pooping is a bodily function, but it deserves its own mention.) Whatever, as long as it's impertinent, irrelevant, nonserious or possibly gross. But do try to go for teh funny. The world can live without your cutting wisdom for a day.

Separately we can never overcome the drivel that floods the internet. But together, we can drown it out with our own slightly more amusing drivel! Mark your Calendars:


UPDATE: Or should we call it "Blogs for Drivel Day"?

UPDATE 2: "Blogs for Crap" maybe? Suggestions welcome.

UPDATE 3: Iron Matron is almost done making the graphic. I haven't seen the finished product yet, but I can already say that it will be full of awesome.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Don't Tear Your Ulnar Collateral Ligament Patting Yourself on the Back.

Tommy John failed to make the Baseball Hall of Fame on his last possible ballot. The term "travashamamockery" is tossed quite a bit, but I think it fits in this instance. For cryin' out loud, he's got a friggin SURGERY named after him! If that's not famous, I don't know what is. Lou Gherig got a lousy disease named after him, yet he still made the Hall.

Everytime You Surf Pr0n, God Kills a Polar Bear

The extended forecast for Minnesota calls for HIGHs in the 0's. I'm beginning to see the upside of this whole phyrric global warming thing. I say it's time for another carbon belch to accelerate the accumulation of those warmth-generating greenhouse gasses. Here we go in 3...2...

There we go. Thirty-five more toasty grams of carbon just got blown into the atmosphere. And you can can multiply that number simply by clicking through the links above.

"What the hell is that nutball prattling on about now?" you ask? Prattling, indeed:

Performing two Google searches from a desktop computer can generate about the same amount of carbon dioxide as boiling a kettle for a cup of tea, according to new research.

While millions of people tap into Google without considering the environment, a typical search generates about 7g of CO2 Boiling a kettle generates about 15g. “Google operates huge data centres around the world that consume a great deal of power,” said Alex Wissner-Gross, a Harvard University physicist whose research on the environmental impact of computing is due out soon. “A Google search has a definite environmental impact.”

If a google search has an environmental impact, just imagine how much carbon this ThunderJournal has ejected into the atmosphere in our four year history. And you can probably double that amount if you count all the methane emanations that frequently serve as the topic of many of those posts.

Google is secretive about its energy consumption and carbon footprint. It also refuses to divulge the locations of its data centres. However, with more than 200m internet searches estimated globally daily, the electricity consumption and greenhouse gas emissions caused by computers and the internet is provoking concern. A recent report by Gartner, the industry analysts, said the global IT industry generated as much greenhouse gas as the world’s airlines - about 2% of global CO2 emissions. “Data centres are among the most energy-intensive facilities imaginable,” said Evan Mills, a scientist at the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory in California. Banks of servers storing billions of web pages require power.

If a simple search engine query has an environmental impact, I'll bet the energy need to create, host upload and display (repeatedly) images ought to be enough to knock off a chunk of polar cap ice or two.

Though Google says it is in the forefront of green computing, its search engine generates high levels of CO2 because of the way it operates. When you type in a Google search for, say, “energy saving tips”, this:

your request doesn’t go to just one server. It goes to several competing against each other.

It may even be sent to servers thousands of miles apart. Google’s infrastructure sends you data from whichever produces the answer fastest. The system minimises delays but raises energy consumption. Google has servers in the US, Europe, Japan and China.

Wow. You're better off driving your Hummer down to the library and doing your research on microfiche machines than googling.

Wissner-Gross has submitted his research for publication by the US Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers and has also set up a website [how much CO2 does a hyperlink emit? And what of this site itself? -ed.]. “Google are very efficient but their primary concern is to make searches fast and that means they have a lot of extra capacity that burns energy,” he said.

Google said: “We are among the most efficient of all internet search providers.”

Wissner-Gross has also calculated the CO2 emissions caused by individual use of the internet. His research indicates that viewing a simple web page generates about 0.02g of CO2 per second. This rises tenfold to about 0.2g of CO2 a second when viewing a website with complex images, animations or videos

No worries here, dear readers. KAR is one of the most environmentally friendly ThunderJournals on the web. In fact, KAR is published on 87% post-consumer recycled pixels! No other online journal can make that claim!

Actually, I need to verify that last assertion. One moment please:

Yes, we can claim that. Suck it Times Online!

A separate estimate from John Buckley, managing director of [WARNING: visiting this website causes CO2 emissions! Avoid at all costs! -ed.], a British environmental consultancy, puts the CO2 emissions of a Google search at between 1g and 10g, depending on whether you have to start your PC or not.

I would image the number is significantly lower if you do your search before you boot up your computer. Science is easy!

Simply running a PC generates between 40g and 80g per hour, he says. of CO2 Chris Goodall, author of Ten Technologies to Save the Planet, estimates the carbon emissions of a Google search at 7g to 10g (assuming 15 minutes’ computer use).

Nicholas Carr, author of The Big Switch, Rewiring the World, has calculated that maintaining a character (known as an avatar) in the Second Life virtual reality game, requires 1,752 kilowatt hours of electricity per year. That is almost as much used by the average Brazilian.

In fairness to Second Life players, the environmental impact of maintaining an avatar is nothing compared to the number of dead batters they would otherwise be dumping into landfills. Those 3-speed vibrating vaginas don't run on wind power, you know.

And, I've always wondered how much energy the average Brazilian uses. Thanks to this awesome article, I now know.

Though energy consumption by computers is growing - and the rate of growth is increasing - Newcombe argues that what matters most is the type of usage.

Hang on a sec - I need to go on Twitter and let you folks know that I'm writing this post...


OK. Tweet done. Let's continue.

If your internet use is in place of more energy-intensive activities, such as driving your car to the shops, that’s good. But if it is adding activities and energy consumption that would not otherwise happen, that may pose problems.

You mean like this?

I think some perspective is needed here. Sure, computers and search engines need electricity. And yes, the generation of electricity gives off carbon gas. But still, that measly 7 grams per search in nothing compared to the roughly metric ton of methane that is currently being emitted into the environment because of that pot roast I ate last night.

But if they go after my pot roast, I may have to post a strongly-worded, hyperlink-intensive blog rant.

UPDATE: Here is a video of a guy lighting his farts:

I think that ties together this post quite nicely.

It Was a Good Run

If you are an apostle of the Nihilist Anti-Lock Betting System, and you laid $100 on a 4-way parlay based on the Nihilist's picks and NALBS for this past weekend's NFL playoff action, you lost $100.

He went 3 for 4. Unprecedented.

Maybe the Nihilist is cracking under the pressure. Perhaps he's overthinking things or going out of his way to come up with picks that even he thinks are absurd, subverting the process. I mean, who in the hell would pick the Eagles to beat the Giants in New York? Nobody, that's who. That's why the Eagles were getting 4.5 points.

Hopefully this is an anomoly. There are still 3 games left in the season. Hold your tickets.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

You Fail, Wii Fail

I don't know what's funnier: the impact or the failer crying, "Ma!"

NARN: A Foot in the Door?

Michael announced Saturday that he will be leaving NARN after next week's show.

I announced on today’s radio show that next Saturday’s NARN “The Final Word” will be my last. My health is great, but for a variety of reasons, the time has come for me to do other things between 3-5 p.m. every Saturday. King will continue to have a show at the same time, but the format has yet to be decided.

I nominate Learned Foot for Michael's replacement, or at least as a frequent guest host.

I have a couple of ideas for a new show title if Foot joins:

NARN - Open Mouth, Insert Foot

NARN - Leggo My Dago!

NARN - "Ski-u-mah you SCSU looser!"


Update: This guy might make for a fun co-host (especially on Ustream):

Friday, January 09, 2009

Shut Up 2008! Just...Shut Up: KAR 2008 in Review Part 9

Collect them all.


9/2 - Upset at being denied access to the Iowa Delegation at the RNC, protesters start breaking stuff.

Flash gets owned. Again.

Teh Andee claims that he was "hosebagged" by being under-credentialed for the RNC. After hours of continuous meetings on the matter, the KAR editorial staff decides that if there were such a word as "hosebagged," that's probably how it would be spelled.


9/3 - Flummoxed that none of their other lies about Sarah Palin are gaining any traction with the public, the Left Wing Smear Machine overplays its hand by claiming she is not hot, not a woman and not the Governor of Alaska - or alternatively, even if she were governor, Alaska isn't "really" a state. For good measure, upon learning that Palin never really believed that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a triceratops as they once asserted, claim He actually did.

9/4 - Legalize it.

9/5 - Adventures in left-wing rhetoric: Uppity. Vicious. Penis.

9/7 - Brett Favre hints that he might want to return for one more season by throwing for 194 yards and 2 touchdowns leading the Jets to victory over the Dolphins.

9/9 - ♬ Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage / Then someone will say that I was put there by Dick Cheney

9/11 - KAR commemorates the anniversary of 9-11 by kicking off the MOB Mayoral race. Guiliani - get it? See... he was the Mayor then, er - OK, fine - we are a bunch of self-involved douches. There. I admitted it. Happy now?

9/12 - DFL patsy-blogger holds Republicans and Democrats to different standards. Brett Favre still not retired.

I haz a bukkit (of urine).

9/14 - Sitemeter releases its new user interface that only a drunken cougar from Iowa could love.

9/17 - Why political lawn signs suck harder than an Iowa housewife in a Metrodome john.

9/19 - Just about every comment thread that ever existed at Shot in the Dark summed up in 3 panels.

9/22 - The MOB Mayoral voters' guide. Forget MOB Mayor - judging by Bobo's statement, he had a real shot at Senator.

9/23 - The next time some leftist nimrod tries to tell you the economic collapse was the result of some nebulous and unspecified "Bush economic policy," tell him to read this post. Then kick him in the groin hard and run away.

9/24 - Please people, when you drop a deuce - AND I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH -please wipe your butt. That's what that toilet paper is there for. Fat, drunk and poopy butted is no way to go through life.

First MOB Mayoral Debate: Whose butt would you staple shut and why?

9/25 - Debate number 2. And by "number 2" I mean "local lefty bloggers".

9/26 - Iron Matron treats the crew to poop signs, earning the eternal spite of Mrs. Foot.

9/29 - The first ever Murray Head reference on KAR. What took so long?

A poop sign primer. Poop.

The Most Vital Debate of the Week

Surly Bender vs. Surly Furious. Who wins?

Difficulty: you can't say "both".


Thursday, January 08, 2009

Photoshop Some Hair on This Monkey


In a rather benign column this morning, NonMonkey laments:

"Yes, 1973 was so long ago that I had hair and a Fu Manchu (I looked like a cross between Gene Wilder and Charles Manson)."

It's hard to picture that familiar pate with hair. Or a Fu Manchu for that matter.

If you got Photoshop, help a brutha out. Here are some things to get you started.

UPDATE: Those who have little or no photoshop skillz may stop now. Here is the difinitive entry for the Untalented Division:

Shoppers who have game are still encouraged to submit.

UPDATE 2: Teh Andee cums throo:

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Open Thread for Sisyphus

I will be Livetwittering Jeffie the Wingnut Slayer's appearance on the Dennis Prager show (stream here) starting noonish. Perhaps Sis could liveblog my Twitter feed in the comment thread. (Supplemented by a liveblog of that on NIGP.)

Sisyphus only, please.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Ryan Hits the Slopes, Dirty Mushroom Ensues

Sorry Ryan, but this was too tempting...

Revenge Is a Dish Best Served by a Clod

HA HA! Take THAT America!

Remember back when "we" here in Minnesota elected that doofus Jesse Ventura? You all chuckled at us, amused that such an ridiculous outlier could be elected to run a mid-major state. You stood there laughing or clucking your tongues with a bit of Schadenfreude as Gov. Doofus held press conferences where he talked about his underwear preferences (none) and his preferred hunting quarry (man). But the amusement was just that; not horror because no matter what absurdities Ventura threw out next, at least the ramifications wouldn't touch anything beyond Minnesota's borders. "Oh those wacky Minnesotans!" you patronized. "What will will they do next?"

Here's what we did next.

How you like us now? The shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it bitches???!!!

Because unlike the relatively benign office of a state governor, the United States Senate affects policy and law that touches us all. And that means that our electorate's unique combination of deeply pathological Democrat loyalty and functional retarditude (that may not be a real word, but it is now), is binding on all of you no matter where you live in the good old U S of A. Yep, because of our deep, deep dysfunction here in the Lutefisk State you too are stuck with the insipid result...


Suck it America! Not laughing any more, are ya'?

Now I'm not going to titter and whine about the rather suspicious recount process. That's not my bag. I will just pause here to point out that had the circumstances been reversed - i.e. a 500 vote swing from the election day results put the GOP candidate in the Senate - it's a sure bet that the usual hypocritical jerkasses who make up the left wing political commentariat would be kvetching and whining daily for the next 4 years. That's hardly speculation since they just got done spending the last eight years bitching about another election.

Back on topic.

Jesse Ventura was a cute diversion that was largely harmless. But now you get to suffer with all of us through a six year term won by a carpetbagging rage-addicted polemicist who ran one of the sleaziest and most dishonest campaigns I've ever seen. FWIW, my personal favorite Al Franken Campaign Moment was when the complaint for that phony trumped up lawsuit supposedly implicating Norm Coleman in something-or-other was mailed to the Star Tribune before it was even filed in the Texas court where it is to be venued (presumably until it is voluntarily withdrawn once Franken takes his seat). Sure, you can say that Franken's campaign had nothing to do with that. But then again, Hitler didn't talk to a lot of his Nazi death camp personnel either.

So as a result we get Senator Franken. A guy who promised all the far left-wing politics of his hero Paul Wellstone, with none of Wellstone's affability or integrity.

Wow! The best of both worlds!

Last night, in a statement to the press Franken said: "I work for you now".

He sure does. He works for us all.

In. Your. Face. Haters.

Maybe now you'll all think twice before seeing any entertainment value in the electoral brain farts of us rubes up her in the Great White North.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Paying the Year to Stay Retired: KAR 2008 in Review Part Ocho

Uno page-o.


8/1 - Thoroughly enjoying his retirement, Brett Favre reports to Packers training camp. OPG comes out of retirement for one last go at it.

8/4 - OPG refuses KAR offer of a case of beer to stay retired. Favre considers blogging for KAR. Al Franken still not a Senator.

Anarchists release cryptic communique hinting that they plan on descending on the Xcel Energy Center to get some hot Iowa housewife tail in the arena's restrooms. Or something.

8/5 - Nutbar blogger orchestrates DOS attack on Teh Andee's blog. At least that's what The Voices say. In other news, it's only 5 days into the new month and August has already gone completely off the rails.

8/6 - Why you should never take it up the pooper from a stranger in a Metrodome lavatory.

8/8 - Ryan gets married. KAR has the wedding pics.

8/9 - Having seen the wedding pics, the new Mrs. Rhodes files for divorce.

8/11 - Al Franken's St. Cloud campaign stop blacked out by the NFL. It looks as though only a miracle or a friendly Secretary of State can save his campaign now.

LearnedFoot explains that while KAR does tend to work blue, we do try avoid being gratuitously profane, you cunt.

8/12 - Remember way back when, when gas prices were so high that they inspired stupid policy proposals and even stupider letters? *sigh* Good times. Good times.

8/13 - Awesome puppetry, giant polar bears, Dick Cheney's head on a stick and ugly chicks wearing strap-ons. No, it's not date night at Minnesota Progressive Project.

8/15 - It's like a KAR post, except it doesn't say "poop"!

8/18 - In the least ironic blog post ever, LearnedFoot announces that he's taken up craps.

8/19 - KAR found to be more diverse than Minnesoros Independent. (LearnedFoot had a nice tan that day.)

8/21 - The post that continues to launch a thousand comment windows.

8/26 - Seattle blocks off residential streets in the middle of a rainy day to raise awareness of Mass Transit, the exercise you can get by getting out of your car to move street barricades.

8/29 - "Perhaps Obama could send Wally the beerman over as a countermove." Wait...what?

Sarah Palin brings exective experience, boobies, to GOP ticket. Feminists everywhere claim she lacks experience after finding out she's a Republican.

'Nuff Said

The Nihilist on Saturday:

I predict a nice playoff run. I don't necessarily predict a Super Bowl victory, but I do expect the results to be something like the 1987-88 season, with dominating victories as underdogs before exiting in a nail-biter.

So yes, feel free to take the Vikes and the three points. Adrian Peterson tells me they will win outright.

Good Lord, I wish I could have been in Vegas this last weekend.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Weekend FAIL Edition: Car Safety

Some plush for your 36DD airbags:

Speaking of airbags, this is one for the FAIL hall of fame:

Imagine the damage Iron Maiden would have done...

Breaking News in the Case of the Iowa Cougar!1!1!1!

Bad news for those of us obsessively following IowaCougarMetrodomeRestroomSexgate. The Iowa housewife who boffed a(nother) drunken Iowa fan in a Metrodome stall shortly before Thanksgiving during the Hawkeyes-Gophers debacle has wisely declined her attorney's advice to fight her ticket, and decided to stop providing KAR with material. According to court records, Ms Feldman's guilty plea was entered on New Year's Eve (think she tippled that night?) and she paid her fine.

(Since the Minnesota court records site does not provide permalinks, you can go here, and do a defendant name search on the criminal / petty / traffic page.)

A similar search for her, uh, accomplice returns nothing. Maybe he's planning on fighting his citation, so not all hope is lost.

Apparently the fine for getting some in a public restroom in Minnesota is $300. Shit, they could have gotten a room at the W for that.

Flushing the Bowels of Time: KAR 2008 in Review Part 7


7/1 - ♫ We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship- screeeeeetch *rewind* We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship- screeeeeetch *rewind* We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship- screeeeeetch DIE DIE DIE!!!!!♫

Leftist group hosts an RNC lawn sign design contest. KAR Enters. Doesn't win. Brett Favre still retired.

CREW in July: "Investigate Norm Coleman with a Roto-rooter for living in a converted basement storage room!!1!!1!!" CREW in December: "Your word that you and your staff had no contact with Gov. Blagojevich is good enough for us Mr. Obama sir!"

7/2 - FAIL graphic full of WIN.

7/3 - LearnedFoot erects The Great Sausage Poll of '08. Penis.

Boobies never fail? Really? What about flapjack titties?

7/7 - Bothering Foot with your socialist drivel while he's eating buffalo wings? That's a forkin'.

7/8 - The "one word" meme arrives at KAR. FuckingahousewifefromIowain-thebathroomsurprisinglyabsent.

A dirty mushroom we can believe in.

7/10 - Black hole. White hole. Whatever.

7/11 - KARNation loves to swallow the Italian sausage. Dirty whoahs.

7/12 - The scandalous $600 / month rent Norm Coleman paid to live in a hovel turns out to be $100 too much, or $874,400 less than Al Franken and Air America took from a children's charity.

7/15 - Jesse Ventura hints at the possibility that he feels as if he hasn't been getting enough attention lately. In other news, Brett Favre wants everyone to know that he "super-duper happy" to be retired.

7/17 - ♫ I went back to the Dells / But my lake was gone

7/18 - Brett Favre demonstrates his desire to remain retired by texting the Vikings' coaching staff 37 times. U WNT ME 2 PLAY 4 U? LOLZ!

7/23 - Opening lines for the 2008 MilF come out. Teh Andee's team given roughly the same odds as Favre staying retired. KARNation's odds a little better; more in the range of scoring a MilFy cougar from Iowa in a Metrodome bathroom stall.

7/24 - Morons who write letters to the Strib are killing Mother Earth. Won't somebody think of the children???!!!

7/25 - The 2008 MilF: KARNation in Golf Pants retains Lord Jones' Pitcher in a rout. In fact, the margin of victory was so one-sided, every spectator left halfway through and got laid in the clubhouse restroom. (Prelude. The Liveblog. The inevitable result.)

7/29 - Having accomplished all there is to accomplish in the milieu of blogging, Obnoxious Packer Guy retires with the dignity, grace and certitude of a 17-year veteran.

7/30 - Insisting that he's committed to pursuing a life after football, Brett Favre applies for reinstatement. OPG still retired.

What If They Threw a Playoffs and Nobody Came?

That the Vikings make the playoffs for the first time in 8 years and can't sell it out is just further proof that Minnesota does not deserve an NFL franchise. Or the Vikings, for that matter.